RoomHate(55)

“So, you’re suggesting that we forget everything else, just start a physical relationship with no expectations.”

“That was what you said you wanted with some random guy, right? Why not with me? It’s a f*ck of a lot safer.”

“Because I don’t think that’s possible with you. I don’t think I can compartmentalize years of feelings in order to have a casual sexual relationship with you. You matter too much to me. I will always want you in my life. If we have sex, we can never take that back. I would never be able to look at you the same.”

“You’d never be able to walk the same.”

“Can you be serious?”

“I am being serious.” He smiled. “Okay…in all honesty, I want you to think about my proposition. I’m just asking you to consider living in the moment, having a little fun with me, taking things day by day.”

“Take things day by day and then one day wake up and find you gone?”

“I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

A part of me wanted to leap into his arms and take him up on his proposition right there on kitchen counter, but the logical part just couldn’t agree to this. “I don’t know.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help make your decision easier, let me know. Just think about it. You don’t have to make a decision right now. Sleep on it. Or sleep on me. Whatever you decide.”

He started to walk toward the stairs.

“Where are you going?”

“Upstairs. I’ll leave the door open in case you decide there’s something you’d like to watch later.”





CHAPTER 15


I’d gone straight to my own room that night and didn’t come out because I couldn’t trust myself around him. Was he even serious? A small part of me pondered whether he was just pulling my leg with that proposition. Maybe this was some grand scheme to get back at me for hurting him a decade ago… lure me to succumb to his sexual charms then tell me it was just a joke.

Tossing and turning, I considered all the pros and cons and came to the conclusion that while sex with him would be amazing, it would only result in my getting hurt. It would also ruin our second chance at friendship which was still new and on shaky ground.

At the same time, I was completely turned on, my panties soaking wet from the way he was speaking to me. Just the thought of being with him was getting me off.

At some point in the middle of the night, I must have fallen asleep while ruminating. When I woke up the next morning, it was after 11AM. I hadn’t slept that late in ages.

The sun was streaming through the sheer white curtains of my bedroom window. Had I dreamt my conversation with Justin last night? It occurred to me that Bea was missing from her crib.

I ran downstairs to find Justin sitting in the living room.

“Where’s Bea?”

“She’s right here. Check this out.” Bea was slowly crawling toward him as he lured her with a new stuffed toy. It was a long rainbow-colored stuffed caterpillar that squeaked.

“Come on, Bumblebee,” he said to her. I loved his nickname for her.

Bea was inching toward him; it was her most impressive attempt at mobility yet.

“She’s crawling toward you!”

“I know. We’ve been practicing all morning.”

“Where did you get that toy?”

“I picked it up for her the other day from the toy shop downtown.”

“So you came inside the room this morning and took her out of the crib?”

“No, she walked downstairs herself, Amelia,” he quipped. “Of course. I peeked in on you because you never sleep that late, wanted to make sure you didn’t pass out from diddling yourself to thoughts of me last night.”

“Not quite. Although you were on my mind.”

“Anyway…she was just sitting there in her crib, looking at me, quiet as a mouse while you were snoring. So, I took her downstairs so you could stay sleeping. You had a pumped bottle in the fridge, so we finished that off.” He looked down at Bea. “She’s my breakfast buddy now.”

“Thanks for doing that.”

“It’s no problem.”

Our eyes locked, and I felt like I needed to break the ice. “Justin, about last night…”

He got up suddenly from the couch. “Don’t worry about it. I was out of line. I went a little crazy, got jealous.”

I was surprised that he’d changed his tune so fast. “Really?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t thinking with the right head.”

“Okay…then I’m glad we both agree.”

“Well, I have a lot of work to get done. So…” He picked up Bea off the floor, lifting her up over his head briefly. “I’ll see you later, Bumblebee.”

He then retreated to his room and didn’t come out for the rest of the afternoon.

More confused than ever, I went about my day, cleaning the house and doing Bea’s laundry.

It was the beginning of September, and the weather was starting to get chilly on the island. A few weeks back, I’d officially notified the school department back in Providence that I wouldn’t be returning to my job this year. It was a tough decision but one that was best for my daughter. My savings would carry me through about twelve months. In a year’s time, I would reassess my situation, either return to teaching or maybe try to find a work-from-home job.