Rock All Night(98)

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“But… I’d have to agree with your friend.”

It was like he’d knocked the air out of me. It took me a few seconds to respond.

“Agree with her about…?”

“From all the evidence I’ve ever seen, Derek’s not a one-woman chap. He’s a bit of a… free spirit, you might say. He’s just wired that way. It’s in his nature.” He pronounced it very British: nay-chuh. “And it’s in your nature to…”

I waited, on the edge of my seat.

He didn’t finish his thought, but sat there looking like he was thinking hard.

“It’s my nature to what?” I said, a sliver of aggression in my voice.

He made a face, like he knew he’d stepped in it, and now he regretted going out for a walk in the first place. “Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the frog?”

“What? No – what’s that got to do with – ”

“So there was this frog, see, on the riverbank. And he’s just about to swim across the river when this scorpion comes along and says, ‘Hey, mate, can you ferry me across the river on your back?’

“And the frog says, ‘But you’re a scorpion.’

“And the scorpion says, ‘So?’

“And the frog says, ‘You’ll get me halfway out there and sting me, you right bastard.’

“And the scorpion says, ‘No I won’t – if I sting you, you’ll die out there, and I’ll drown along with you. I’m not gonna sting you ‘cause it’ll be the end of me, too.’

“The frog thinks about that for a moment and finally says, ‘Alright, then, I guess I’ll take you across.’

“So they’re halfway across the river when suddenly the frog feels this horrible pain and realizes the scorpion’s gone and stung him. And as he starts to go numb and can’t work his legs anymore, he croaks out, ‘You stupid git! Why’d you sting me? Now we’re both going to die!’

“And the scorpion says, ‘I’m sorry… I couldn’t help it… it’s in my nature.’”

It’s in my nay-chuh.

Killian fell silent, watching me expectantly, with only the plink of his guitar strings filling the air between us.


“I do know that story, Killian,” I said, fighting to keep calm. “I didn’t know what you were talking about at first, but once you started telling it, I remembered.”

He brightened the tiniest bit. “Oh, good. So you have heard it.”

“Yeah. And they always use it to point out how f*cking stupid the frog is. Which apparently is me.”

He got an alarmed look on his face. “What? No – ”

“So apparently Derek’s a scorpion, and I’m the dumbass sleeping with him, waiting to get stung.”

“No, no, no,” Killian said hastily. “No, you’ve got it all wrong – ”

“Really? You mean, it’s not a parable about how idiotic it is to get involved with somebody who’s just going to hurt you, even when you know it ahead of time?”

“The point is, the scorpion’s not bad,” Killian explained. “It acts according to its nature. It’s neither good nor bad. It’s just a scorpion.”

“People generally agree that scorpions are bad, Killian.”

“Only because they get stung when they mishandle them. But people like grasshoppers, don’t they?”

“…what?”

“People like grasshoppers, don’t they?” he repeated, then added, “More than scorpions, anyway.”

“…uh… yeah, I guess – ”

“But grasshoppers are far more destructive than scorpions. Scorpions eat other bugs, but grasshoppers swarm in and eat all the crops, yes? Biblical plagues and whatnot. Whole multitudes starving to death. But people are always like, ‘Oh, nice little grasshopper,’ and ‘Nasty, horrid scorpion – ’”

I sat there wondering when he was going to get to his point.

And then I remembered that I was talking to a guy who was stoned 24/7.

“What the f*ck does this have to do with anything?” I snapped.

“Just follow me for a moment.”

I gritted my teeth. “Fine.”

“The scorpion isn’t bad, in and of itself. It’s just a scorpion.”

“Okay.”

“So when it stings the frog, it’s not malicious. It’s just being a scorpion.”

“SO?! The frog still DIES!”

“Everything dies. Dying is a natural part of life.”

This really was like a 3AM conversation in a college dorm room with a stoned pothead – except I wasn’t high, so it was basically just annoying.

“But it didn’t have to die!”

“But, you see, perhaps the frog is acting according to its nature, too.”

“What, being stupid?”

“No, being kind. That doesn’t make the frog smart or stupid. It’s just acting according to its nature, as well.”

“So the scorpion’s not bad, it’s just a scorpion, and the frog’s not dumb, it’s just nice, but put them together and they’re both going to die out in the middle of the river. Is that what you’re telling me?”