Rock All Night(129)

His body visibly relaxed in the darkness.

“Yeah… I’d like that,” he agreed.

“Okay. Good.”

He moved in for a kiss, circling his arms around me –

I held up my hand and pressed it against his chest.

Stop.

At the same time, I averted my face. “I don’t want to sleep with you. I just don’t want to fight anymore.”

His body went taut again. He let go of me and backed away.

“Why are you being like this?”

“Oh, I don’t know – maybe because you called me a bitch in front of 16,000 people?”

“I said I was sorry!”

“It wasn’t much of a f*cking apology, Derek.”

“I thought we weren’t going to fight.”

“Well, we’re not going to have sex, either.”

I moved over to the side of the bed nearest the window and pulled back the covers.

He didn’t move from where he stood.

My temper got the best of me.

“Either let’s go to sleep, or go find one of your other 99 bitches you don’t have a problem with.”

My little dig didn’t make any sense.

I didn’t care.

I was exhausted, I was cranky… I just wanted all the bad stuff to stop.

He didn’t say anything, and for a second I wondered if maybe he was going to storm out of the room.

I was actually afraid for about two seconds.

Then he finally went over to the opposite side of the bed, sat down, pulled off his boots, and tossed them in the corner. Then he pulled off his jeans and his t-shirt and slipped between the sheets.

Ordinarily I would have had a tough time ignoring that gorgeous body.

Not tonight. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about all of this crap for a little while.

I got into bed and turned on my side, facing away from him.

We didn’t say anything else.

Ten minutes later, I heard long, slow breathing that told me he was asleep.

Unfortunately, it took me hours.

And the entire time I lay there, I looked out at the Vegas lights in the dark and silence, wishing that I could be happy again.





107




I woke the next morning and winced as sunlight flooded the room.

Damn… should’ve shut the drapes…

I thought about getting up and closing them, but… ugh. I really didn’t feel like moving.

Then I remembered that I wasn’t in the bed alone.

All the memories of the night before – ‘99 Problems,’ his ignoring me at the after-party, our final conversation before going to bed – played out in my mind.

Even though I was angry again, I didn’t want the sun to wake him. I looked over at the other side of the bed –

But he wasn’t there.

He was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, quietly pulling on his boots.

“…what are you doing?” I asked groggily.

He looked up. “Did I wake you up?”

“…no… I…”

The details began to register in my foggy brain.

He was already dressed, for one.

I looked at the alarm clock by the bed.

9:28 AM.

Derek was never up at this time of the morning.

“What… what’s wrong?” I asked, puzzled.

“Nothing.”

“Why are you dressed?”

He was quiet for a moment, as though steeling himself. Then he said simply, “I need to get out for a little bit.”

Dread began to rise in my chest.

I sat up.

“…why?”

“I just need a little space.”

“At 9:30 in the morning?!”

He stood up, walked over to the bed, and sat down beside me.

I had conflicting desires. Part of me wanted to withdraw from him, to physically move away, because he was scaring me, and I resented him for it; the other part wanted to throw my arms around his neck and never let go.

I ended up doing nothing but staring at him.

“I just need a little space,” he said. His face was a blank mask, neutral and composed.

I couldn’t tell if it was the words or his expression that frightened me more.

“…are you… are you breaking up with me?!” I asked, my voice trembling.

“No!” he said, and reached out his hand to my arm. “No. I just need a little space, that’s all. A little time apart.”

The touch of his skin on mine felt warm, reassuring.

His words were meant to be, but felt anything but.

“Why do you need space?”

He sighed. “Because we fight so goddamn much.”

I wanted to yell, If you stopped looking at other women and flirting with them and being a dick –

But I knew that would be the end of it, that he would just walk out on me.

So I caved.

I’m not proud of it now, but at that moment, it seemed like the only option I had. I was terrified of him walking out that door.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He smiled and brushed the hair away from my face. “It’s both of our faults. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’m not real good at it.”