Risk (Gentry Boys #2)(20)
I looked to Chase and Cord. They understood my silent question and nodded together.
When the man finally staggered to his feet I pulled back and landed a swift hook under his chin. His eyes rolled into his head and then he crumpled like tissue paper. The crowd erupted and I bent over at the waist, trying to dispel the sick feeling. It was the sensation that always overcame me when I inflicted pain on another human being; the fear that if I took even a little satisfaction from the act I would be traveling in the direction my violent blood always meant to take me. It was what drove me to the bottle and to the furious black surrender of old memories. It was f*cking terrible.
I felt a hand on my back and then another one. I relaxed slightly and accepted a shirt to pull over my head.
Chase squeezed my shoulder. “You all right, Big C?”
Both of them stared at me soberly. There was none of the jubilant celebration which usually followed a clean fight. There was a good reason for that. This wasn’t just a fight. It was designed as bait for the high rollers to invest in something more violent.
Gabe appeared and grinned at me coldly. “Nice work.”
In the background the beaten man was trying to regain his senses and stagger away. Nobody paid him any mind. The next fight was already starting.
“You knew it would be.”
Gabe nodded vaguely. “Yes. My associates were impressed with your show of obvious power. You need to learn how to endear the crowd though, Creed. Make people want to root for you because they know a gruesome reward awaits.”
“Fuck you,” Cord spat. He had moved directly behind Gabe and was glaring at him with hatred.
Gabe turned to look at him in surprise. “Cordero, I didn’t see you there. You know, I could have a spot for more than one Gentry-“
I didn’t let him finish. I pushed into his chest until he had to take an unsteady step backwards, falling right into an equally furious Chase.
Gabe glanced at the three of us in turn and the flash of fear I saw in his eyes almost made me laugh. What the hell did that little rodent have to be afraid of? He dealt in men’s blood the way others dealt in the goddamn stock market. But he never had to really risk anything himself.
After blinking at us stupidly for a full minute, Gabe pulled himself together. He cleared his throat and looked at me pointedly.
“We’ll be in touch, Creed.”
“I know,” I answered and then let him pass.
Cord glared after him angrily and Chase tried to nudge both of us to the exit. “Let’s get the hell out of this insanity.”
Chase wanted to drive and that was fine with me. I slumped in the front seat with my arm slung over my eyes. The boys were silent and I let the roar of the freeway fill my ears while wishing for calm.
“So,” Chase said and I opened my eyes to see him trying to grin at me. “You name the goal, Creedence. Drinking, f*cking, what’s your poison?”
I thought about it. More than anything, I could use another dose of Truly. It was after ten and she’d likely be getting off work right about now. But I didn’t know how she’d take to me showing up and wanting another sex marathon. Plus, I wasn’t sure if it would be enough to keep me out of the bottle. I f*cked shit up when I drank. There wasn’t a good enough reason on earth to inflict that on her.
Even thinking of Truly for a few brief seconds had stirred some action down below. I pushed it away and instead gave in to the thoughts of hitting and being hit. My fists clenched. There was only one man on this earth I’d like to pound into pulp. Sometimes I thought if I could just get that done then all the shit f*cking with my mind would be gone. Maybe then Cordero could dream in peace. Maybe Chasyn could stop being hurt by the fact that no one living in that crappy trailer in Emblem could give a crumb of shit whether he lived or died.
“Stop at Derry’s,” I demanded and Chase glanced at me with some sadness. I heard Cord sigh in the backseat. They wouldn’t try to stop me though, not as long as I stayed inside the apartment while I got myself into a black stupor before passing out on the floor. Saylor would keep her distance and cover me with a blanket at some point. Then tomorrow we’d all pretend it had never happened.
Chase pulled the truck into the drive thru liquor place and a few minutes later handed me the one liter bottle of vodka I’d asked for. I didn’t even wait until we were home before I started sucking it down.
Saylor was there waiting for us. Her eyes landed on me first and she smiled. Her smile faded a bit when she saw the bottle in my hand.
Cord quickly went over to put an arm around his girl. He would never allow her to attend a fight.
“You okay?” she finally asked me.
“I will be,” I muttered and took a long drink from the bottle as I pushed past her into the apartment.
The rest of the night was an ugly blur. Cord ushered Say into their bedroom so she wouldn’t have to watch me make an ass out of myself. The guys settled down to quietly play video games and keep an eye on me while I sat outside on the dark patio and stared at nothing.
“Boy, you defy me again and neither of your brothers is gonna be sittin’ down for a month.”
Every time I heard the thick rasp of his voice in my head I took a drink. Soon enough half the bottle was gone.
“Shut the f*ck up,” I grumbled, only vaguely aware that the slurred voice I was hearing belonged to me. I took another drink to forget. I should have known better by now. It was impossible to forget. I kept drinking until I couldn’t hear anything anymore.