Ride Steady (Chaos, #3)(73)

“Carissa, you feel that against your belly?”

I bit my lip because I did.

“Do me a favor,” he said to finish.

He had a good point, a very good one, I was being selfish and I needed to cool it for his sake.

I looked away, feebly pushing away, suddenly embarrassed.

Joker rolled so I was trapped against the back of the couch and ordered, “Look at me.”

“This is embarrassing,” I told his throat.

“Don’t know how. Not a man who has you in his arms would think anything about you wantin’ more of him than that he’s f*ckin’ lucky.” His words made my eyes lift to his. “You’re honest about that and don’t play games, that’s even better.”

“You really think that?”

“Yeah. I’m still not f*ckin’ you on your couch. Not now. Not the first time.” He grinned at me. “Maybe the third.”

I pushed at his chest and did it again weakly but this time I did it for a different reason and I did it slightly grinning.

After I did that, I curled my fingers in his shirt and bent my neck so my forehead rested at the base of his throat.

His next words sounded against the top of my hair. “Next week, I’ll take you to a nice dinner. You can dress up. We’ll do it up right. Then I’ll give you what you need.”

“That’d be nice,” I whispered, and it would. It made me nervous but it also made me excited that I had a variety of things to look forward to: a nice dinner, a chance to dress up, a night with Joker… and what I needed.

It was safe to say Aaron dumping me at my age was a hit to my confidence. Then again, if that happened at any age, I suspected it would be.

I was never a girl to strut her stuff, but I was a girl who knew from Aaron’s attention I had some stuff. After Aaron, I figured I didn’t.

A handsome, manly man like Joker liking me, obviously attracted to me, wanting to spend time with me, and wanting to give that to me while respecting me was brilliant. It gave that back, the feeling that I might just have some stuff. And that meant a lot to me.

Just like everything Joker made it seem easy to give to me meant a lot.

“Now, it sucks, but I got plans tomorrow night,” he continued.

That did suck.

“Next day, you’re off?” he asked. I nodded, my forehead moving on his chest then I tipped my head back and caught his eyes. “You want, we’ll do something.”

“I want,” I said quietly.

He wanted it too. He didn’t lock that away behind his eyes. He gave it right to me.

And it felt like a gift.

He leaned in, touched his lips to my nose, my mouth, then he shifted and slid them along my cheek to my jaw.

He settled back beside me and caught my eyes.

“Now, I gotta go home, Carrie.”

Bummer.

“All right.”

He gave me a squeeze, and before I wanted it (way before) we were off the couch and on our feet. He took my hand and did the getting his jacket and going to the door taking me with him drill.

He cupped my cheek, brushed his lips to mine, and gave me his, “Later,” but this time, he added, “I’ll check in tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“’Night, babe.”

“’Night, sweetheart.”

His face got soft before he moved into the walkway and out of sight.

I sighed, closed the door and put my back to it.

I wondered what his plans were the next night.

Then I decided to ask when he checked in the next day.

After that, I went to my room, took off my ruffly blouse and my jeans, hit the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and went to bed.

I lay in the massive king with its gazillion thread count sheets thinking, without the promise of Joker being part of my day, I didn’t have as much to look forward to tomorrow.

I still looked forward to tomorrow.

And especially the next day.

But mostly the night next week where I got to dress up, have dinner with Joker…

Then get what I need.





Chapter Twelve




Chaos Is *





Joker

THE NEXT MORNING, Joker stood at the sink in the small bathroom that was attached to his room at the Compound and looked at himself in the mirror.

He’d f*cked up, and if he didn’t sort it out soon, he knew he’d be f*cked.

There was no doubt Carissa liked him. There was no doubt what they had was going somewhere, and this was because there was no doubt he was going to take it there.

The problem was, to do that, she’d eventually need to know his name.

Then she’d know him.

He did not like to think about how that shit would go down.

And he knew she recognized him, as did her ex.

More than once, he saw her studying him in a way where she wasn’t just looking at him. In a way he had to cover that shit, take her mind off it, lead her away from a realization that would be uncomfortable for both of them.

In a way that in part was now on him.

It was Joker who pretended he didn’t know her name. It was Joker who knew the beard, the hair, the bulk, the life he led, the easy openness he was giving her was not the Carson Steele she once semi-knew from high school. It was Joker who was deliberately guiding her into seeing Joker, and not Carson Steele. It was Joker who knew he had it to give it to her. It was Joker who knew he should.