Ride Steady (Chaos, #3)(27)

And when she was ready to find a man who wanted butterflies in his bed and wanted to keep them there, she’d find that too. Not a problem.

It just wasn’t going to be him.

If she’d given him a smile and said his name, anytime it hit her while he was changing her tire that she remembered him, maybe.

But that was also doubtful.

He couldn’t deny it sucked, she didn’t recognize him. He couldn’t deny that took a bite out of him. But he wasn’t surprised.

Carson Steele was gone. The only place that name existed was on his license. He was Joker. He knew since he’d last seen her that he’d grown taller. He knew he’d put on more muscle. He didn’t shave and hadn’t cut his hair in years so that wasn’t the same either. And he’d seen a lot, done a lot, f*cked a lot, fought a lot since then. He was not the kid she knew.

But bottom line, Joker only did empty *, and he didn’t foresee a day that was going to change. There was no denying what Tack had with Cherry, Hop with Lanie, Shy with Tabby was good. That was as clear as it could get. They got what they needed in their beds and their lives, and they didn’t f*ck around in letting their women know they appreciated it.

But Joker was not Tack, Hop, or Shy. No matter he turned his back on the name given him, he was Jefferson Steele’s son.

And he always would be.

He took Shy and Rush’s point that he didn’t give back to his brothers, and they were right. That shit had to change. This was solid. It was good. It was real. It was his. He’d gone for it. He’d earned it. Finally, he had a family, one he wanted.

And maybe it was time to let back in other good things in his life.

But he was giving Carissa Teodoro the only thing he could give her.

And that was the only thing she’d get from Joker.

He moved into the room, shrugging off his cut. He was tossing it to the end of the bed when he saw someone had put Carissa’s pie on the nightstand. Shoved the change, army knives, condom wrappers, and empty beer bottles out of the way and laid it there, fully intact, plastic wrap still on.

Like he couldn’t stop himself, he walked right to it, tore back the wrap and dug his fingers in at the side. A huge piece covering his curved fingers broke off in his hand.

He lifted it and shoved as much as he could get in his mouth.

And went still.

Every punch he’d landed. Every kick. Every time a man went down at his feet. Every time he’d sunk his cock into tight wet. The moment Kane Allen told him he was a Chaos recruit. The day they handed him his patch.

None of it tasted as good on his tongue as that pie.

Fuck.

He sat down on the edge of his bed and ate the rest from his hand, licking his fingers.

Then he dug in and ate more.

When he was full and a third of the pie was gone, he smoothed the wrap back over it, went to the bathroom, took a shower and washed sweat and blood from his skin, the residue of used condom and empty * from his cock.

When he was done, he wandered back to the room, turned out the light, fell into bed, and slept with his stomach full of Carissa Teodoro’s chocolate pecan goodness.

And when he woke up, he had the rest for breakfast.





Chapter Five




I Had This





Carissa

I SAT AT my kitchen bar looking with tired, puffy eyes at the items I’d laid on it.

My eyes were puffy because Tyra and Lanie had come over with dinner last night to join Elvira and me and they’d stayed awhile. They’d been sweet and supportive in a genuine way that I regrettably had little experience with, which was also why I didn’t quite trust it.

Still, I’d given it to them. Everything.

Althea dying.

Aaron asking me out in high school, and since he was rich, cute, and a good football player, my acceptance, catapulting me into the popular kids, a place where I’d never really felt comfortable, but I’d stayed.

Mom dying.

The gossip that said Aaron had had sex with my supposed best friend Marley when we were juniors, doing this because I wouldn’t put out. But he’d stuck with me for some reason, even though I didn’t put out until the day before he took off to Massachusetts to go to college.

I also shared I ignored that gossip.

And I told them that, when he was still in the dorms his freshman year and I’d gone to visit, I’d overheard his friends snickering about a girl named Katie and how they had a plan to keep her away from Aaron while I visited.

I shared that I ignored that as well.

I also told them about Aaron saying he couldn’t live without me our first summer back, so against my father’s wishes, I quit UC, moved to Cambridge, got a job at The Gap and an apartment with four other girls. I tried to get into a school out there, but between struggling to pay rent and Aaron, I didn’t succeed.

I further told them about the time when Aaron was in graduate school and he broke up with me for three months and dated a fellow student.

I then shared that he’d come back on bended knee, ring and everything, and we’d gotten married in a huge wedding that Aaron’s mother decreed we must have that my father paid for but clearly didn’t enjoy. And this was not because he was giving away his little girl but because he wasn’t a big fan of who he was giving her to. Then I’d gone back to my job, now manager of The Gap, while Aaron finished law school.