Ride Steady(77)

But I was again nervous.

Travis was out. Since the breast milk/formula change he’d turned into a good sleeper. And when he was done for the evening, in most cases, he stayed that way.

That meant he’d get a sleepy diaper change then into his PJs and finally into his crib.

After that, I’d be alone with Joker in my house with my huge couch.

Yes, I was nervous but in a way I liked the feeling.

My stomach had butterflies. My lips had a smile playing at them. My night had been great.

I hoped it was about to get better.

I just knew (like the night before) I’d have the novel feeling of going to bed looking forward to the next day.

And I was thinking all this when Joker took the last step and rounded the stairwell with me on his heels.

Suddenly I crashed right into his back because he’d stopped.

“Is everything—?”

“Company,” he growled.

His dire tone made me look around him and that was when my heart stopped beating.

Aaron, still in one of his fabulous work suits, was standing at the railing outside my door. He was bent to it, hands curled around it, but his head was turned and his eyes were to us.

I stood unmoving.

Surprisingly, this wasn’t because I thought a visit from Aaron at my apartment that he hadn’t been to for months and months was a bad omen (I did, and Tory, if you can believe, did the Travis swap with me when they returned him, and Aaron never came to my door when I brought him to them).

No, I did it because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

No again.

I couldn’t believe how what I was seeing had changed.

Aaron was handsome. He’d been a handsome young man who’d turned into an exceptionally handsome adult. He had dark hair that was thick and shiny and healthy. He had unusual colored blue eyes that were sharp and interesting. He had a strong jaw, a high forehead, and beautiful lips. And he was tall, slim, and lean, with nice broad shoulders.

He wore a suit amazingly.

I’d never tired of looking at him. Even when I wondered at some of the mean things he did or said in high school. Even when I was turning a blind eye to the things he did to me. It didn’t matter what turmoil my thoughts were in that I was pretending didn’t exist, I’d take one look at him and again fall in love.

But right then, he wasn’t close but I saw him standing there, confident, his bearing holding authority, and he did nothing for me.

He seemed bland. Bland and ordinary. An attractive stranger in a really nice suit. You might look at him twice, but once he was out of sight, he’d be out of mind.

Or at least my mind.

It was gone.

Like magic.

But something else was there.

And after all these years and all that had happened, that was magical too.

What it was was fury.

He hadn’t seen me in months and he thought he could show at my home on a Wednesday evening out of the blue?

Not likely.

And he needed to know that.

Immediately.

I stormed around Joker in order to bear down on Aaron and share my thoughts.

I didn’t get far because Joker caught my hand.

“Steady, Butterfly,” he muttered.

I drew in breath and looked up at him. He lifted his brows.

I watched the brow lift realizing he was right. I didn’t need to go off half-cocked on the walkway.

I could do it in my living room.

I nodded and whispered, “Steady.”

Steady.

That was what I needed. In a life that had felt out of control from the moment my parents’ friends crushed my baby sister in our driveway until a few days ago, through my own fault but sometimes not, I had not had steady.

I needed steady.

I was getting there.

And Aaron wasn’t going to take that from me.

Joker carrying Travis the diaper bag, and holding my hand, we walked to Aaron.

“This is a surprise,” I said when we got close.

Aaron was staring at Joker.

“Would you like to say hello to your son’s mother?” I asked.

“Do I know you?” Aaron asked Joker, his gaze intensifying.

“No, you don’t,” I answered curtly before Joker could. “This is a friend of mine. Now, I’m sorry, did I miss a call or text telling me you’d be visiting? Something our custody agreement, by the way, notes specifically I should expect.”

Aaron finally stopped examining Joker and looked to me. “No.”