Ride Steady(105)

“It gets hot like that, Carrie, shit happens. I don’t give a f*ck you nearly bust my jaw with your head, especially when you do it after ripping my tee off and going for me with your mouth.”

My lips parted.

“And, trust me, you can’t scratch too hard. It took me by surprise but I liked it a f*ckuva lot. The problem was, after you did it, you got skittish and didn’t roll with it.”

“Really?” I whispered.

“Fuck yeah,” he replied firmly. “That’s why I told you to relax. The rest, baby, you were closin’ down on me, I knew why and I needed to get you passed that. Not to f*ck with your head, but I had my share of hard bodies. I liked ’em. I like women in a lot of different varieties. But if I have a choice, my preference would be yours. Soft, sweet, seriously wet, and definitely hot.”

“I…” I breathed then finished, “Really?”

“Why would I lie when what I say has the goal of gettin’ me more of you? If I didn’t f*ckin’ love what I got, I wouldn’t f*ckin’ lie. I’d let you leave.”

That made sense.

“And Carrie, I know what I want in bed and I’m not a man who has a problem with communicatin’ that. It isn’t about instruction. It’s about gettin’ off the way I wanna get off and guidin’ you there with me. You were in the moment, totally into what I was doin’, and that was f*ckin’ great. But I intended to make it better. And, baby, you gotta know, that shit isn’t gonna stop. I know what I want, you’re gonna give it to me while I give it to you, and you’ll learn to roll with that too.”

That also made sense.

And was more than a little arousing.

“Fuck,” he snarled and I tensed under him at the intensity. “It sucks you didn’t get what I got outta that, Carrie. You hot and wet and squirming and panting and I got to watch the whole f*ckin’ thing. It was magnificent. Unbelievable. Better than I could imagine, and Butterfly, I did a lot of imagining from about the time you were fourteen.”

Oh.

Wow.

“And it f*cking sucks you didn’t come away with the same f*cking thing,” he finished.

“I did, at first,” I told him hesitantly. “You were… are amazing, but you were, during and right after…” I faltered then forged ahead. “Then you just said, ‘be back’ and didn’t kiss me or anything.”

“If I kissed you again I’d want it to last a while and lead direct into some post-f*ck cuddling which I’d hope would lead to more f*cking and I couldn’t do any a’ that with a used condom on my dick.”

“Oh,” I whispered, again feeling embarrassed and again it was different.

“Yeah. Oh,” he replied, not looking embarrassed, and no longer looking frustrated. Instead, looking like he was fighting against laughing, which had the fortunate result of making me feel less embarrassed.

“I think I may have messed up again,” I told him and he dipped his face closer to me.

“No, you feel it, you share it. Don’t hold back with me, Butterfly.”

That was good advice. Good advice for a relationship two people were building.

Which I hoped with all that had just happened we were still doing.

On this thought, I blurted, “Are you mad at me?”

His brows went up. “About what?”

If he had to ask then he wasn’t mad so I didn’t think I should remind him of all the reasons he could be.

But he’d just told me not to hold back so I figured I should go with that.

“Well, there’s me not recognizing you,” I reminded him carefully. “There’s also me pitching a drama after you made love to me for the first time. Then there’s me accusing you of treating me like a charity—”

He interrupted me by suggesting, “Maybe you should stop.”

I shut my mouth.

He stared me in the eyes then suddenly asked, “Did you really crush on me back then?”

I nodded and answered quietly, “Yeah.”

He closed his eyes, shook his head, and ended the shake looking away from me.

I lifted my hand and pressed it to his smooth cheek, forcing him back.

When he opened his eyes, I told him, “Your hair looks nice but I miss the beard.”

I barely finished speaking before he made a noise that I felt rip through me. It was full of pain, which I didn’t like, and something else I couldn’t read.