Ride Hard (Raven Riders #1)(69)
And there were never not a bunch of guys around her father’s house.
As for her father? He looked the other way every time, and punished her for causing the trouble in the first place sometimes. One time he even beat her with his belt for fighting back and managing to give the guy a black eye. She knew that had been about proving who was boss, but it had taught her a lesson, too. Don’t draw attention. Stick to the shadows whenever possible. Hide the parts of her they all seemed so desperate to claim.
Finally, Dare continued. “We were in the middle of nowhere Nevada during a brutal heat wave. Miles from the next town. I think they planned it that way. Knew I couldn’t walk anywhere from there. Not safely.” Haven felt him shrug. “So I agreed.”
Part of her wanted to pour out all the words of sympathy and outrage she felt welling up inside her, but Haven’s gut told her he wouldn’t want that, wouldn’t appreciate it, and might even stop talking if she did. So she forced herself to be still and quiet until he started talking again.
“Brant watched. Jerked himself off to me screwing his wife. It became a thing after that, and it became more and more tied to paying my way. I hated it, but I didn’t have many options. I was already making an exit plan when they announced one night that Brant wanted his turn with me. I had to fight him off. And I ran that night.”
Haven swallowed, the sound thick to her own ears. “How long were you with them?”
“All told? About six months. After that, it took me most of another year before I made it here.”
In her horror over his situation, something absolutely sickening occurred to Haven, and she whipped around to face him. “Oh, God. Is that what I’m doing? Using you?” That he might think so made her so nauseous that she had to wrap her arms around her stomach.
“No,” he said, the word loud and fierce, a scowl darkening his whole face. He pressed her back into the bed, hovering over her, his hair casting shadows over his harsh features. “Fuck, no, Haven. I’ve wanted every second I’ve had with you. What happened back then—that was exploitation and survival. What’s happening now, right here, between us—”
She hung on the edge of a cliff, desperate to know how he’d characterize it. He dragged his fingertips down her cheek.
“It’s the first real connection I’ve had in my whole goddamned life.”
No one had ever said something so beautiful to her, all the more so because she felt the exact same way.
“I hate them for hurting you,” she said, anger mixing with her affection for him to create a dangerous, restless cocktail in her blood.
His gaze dropped from hers as his eyes followed his fingers down her throat to her collarbone. “Yeah, well, ancient history.”
Haven didn’t call him on it, but the restrained emotion in his voice belied his words. She knew enough to know that there was a difference between moving past something and forgetting it altogether, between not letting something control you and being able to excise it from being a part of you at all. Some things cut too deep.
Her thoughts tangled, her little slice of hell mixing with his, until she was angrier than she’d probably ever been—probably ever let herself feel—in her life. Her body felt like she might explode with it, like she couldn’t possibly hold it in without detonating and taking everything around her down, too. Suddenly, tears pooled and leaked from the corners of her eyes. She tried to turn her head away, to hide them.
“Aw, Haven, don’t be sad. Not for me,” he said, swiping at the wetness with his thumb.
“I’m not,” she said, her voice raw with emotion. “Well, I am, a little. But I’m more . . . I’m pissed off for you.” She turned her head back to him, adrenaline sending a shiver through her. “I could kill someone I’m so mad. Why are there so many people who think they can just take what they want from you? Or think you exist to do something for them? It’s so . . . so . . . so f*cking unfair,” she said, the words coming faster, spilling out of her. The cuss word she’d never once said before Dare coaxed it out of her yesterday feeling like the only thing that could really capture the scope of her rage. “That’s why what you do is so important, Dare. You stand against all that for people who can’t do it for themselves. Somebody has to, because, because—”
He kissed her. So hard and so deep that she couldn’t breathe, but with so much passion that it momentarily made oxygen seem completely unimportant. The kiss shot heat through her blood, and his erection against her thigh was proof that she wasn’t the only one affected. “I just want to be with you,” Dare said around the edge of the kiss. “I just want to touch you and talk with you and lay with you. Just like this.”
As aroused as she was, she was so moved by his words that her heart pounded out a hard beat against her chest. She pulled him down beside her, and they lay completely entangled with one another. Their foreheads close enough to kiss, their arms embracing, their legs entwined.
He stroked his hand against her hair, his fingers softly combing against her scalp. “I can’t seem to get enough of you, Haven.”
“I hope you don’t,” she whispered, absolutely melting at his words. Skin against skin, body against body, it was the most intimate moment of her whole life, not just because they were naked, but because they were so exposed. “I know I won’t ever have enough of you.” She closed her eyes to keep him from seeing her sadness. But, God, she never wanted this to end. This crazy, impossible thing she had with him.