Redemptive (Combative, #2)(59)

My breath caught in my chest, my eyes holding his. Tears flooded my vision as I gripped the gold leaf tighter in my hand. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, but I could only focus on one. I couldn’t give him the truth he wanted to hear. It didn’t exist.

“Ti amo, Nathaniel,” I whispered, my hand going to my chest. I made sure to look in his eyes, so he could see the truth I was about to spill. “But I wish you’d pulled the trigger.”

*

The pain was almost instant, just like it had been when my mother left. The second Nate was far enough away, the tension of the elastic band that held us together snapped, and I’d felt the searing ache like a thousand stab wounds to my heart.

I watched Tiny come back down the stairs, food in one hand, envelope in the other. He didn’t speak a word as he set them both down on the table.

I looked back down at the floor. “Is he okay?” I asked, my voice hoarse from all the tears the guilt had forced out of me.

“Everything you need to know is in there,” he said, and I glanced up at him. He was already watching me, his head tilted to the side. Then he sighed, walked over and sat next to me on the edge of the bed, nudging my side as soon as he was settled. “Can we talk?”

I focused on the gold leaf in my hand. “Of course.”

Tiny leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he rubbed his jaw. “I’m not going to lie to you, Bailey. And please don’t take this the wrong way because I have nothing against you personally, but I support you being here only because I support Nate… as a boss, as a person, and as my best friend. When you asked me to find your mom, a part of me was hopeful I’d find something that might help the situation… that might help get you out of here, and help Nate separate himself from you. You have to be f*ckin’ blind to not see how much he loves you, and I’m not saying that you don’t love him because you probably do, but it’s not healthy. Not for either of you.” He took a breath, and then a moment to formulate his next words. “But in this situation, my loyalty doesn’t lie with you. It lies with him. It will always lie with him. Nothing good can come of this. You have to be able to see that. Nate’s life may be his job, for now, but it won’t be forever. He’ll want a family. He’ll want kids. And there’s no way that can happen. Not with you. Not like this.” He cleared his throat as he stood up and turned away from me. “If you ask him to, he’ll risk his life to let you go because he loves you that f*ckin’ much. But if he lets you go, Bailey, you’ll take his heart with you.”





37




Bailey


It didn’t matter how long I’d stared at the pages upon pages of information, how many times I read the lines now blurred by my fatigue. It didn’t matter how many tears I’d cried or murmurs of denials I’d whispered into the dead air… I’d wanted the truth, and I’d gotten it.

And now I wished I hadn’t.

I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose, sitting up straighter when I heard the basement door open. I’d listened to the sounds of footsteps so many times that I could tell it was Nate. He appeared at the bottom of the stairs with our standard breakfasts in his hands.

Was it morning already?

I looked down at the papers spread out on the table, my heart growing heavier with each picture, each piece of evidence, and I held back on another set of cries.

“You’ve been up all night?” Nate asked, his voice soft.

I glanced up at him, a breath leaving me when I saw the dark circles surrounding his eyes and the mess of hair sticking up, no doubt from him tugging at it. He looked as bad as I felt and I was positive he hadn’t slept a wink either. “I guess I must have,” I whispered.

He seemed to hesitate a beat, before putting one foot in front of the other and heading toward me. I slowly picked up the pieces of my broken heart, otherwise known as my “mother’s” life and shoved them back in the envelope, making room for our meals.

We sat in silence as we stared down at the table, our forks poking and prodding but never lifting the food to our mouths. My silent tears unmasked by my almost silent cries filled the air, broken only by Nate’s sighs. Then he sat up, his forearms on the table as he leaned forward. “You should eat something.”

My head cocked as I took in his words, his appearance, and the genuine sincerity in both of them. I nodded as I held the fork tighter, pushing back a sob and I ate my food, little by little until my plate was empty, all while he watched me, his eyes never leaving mine. And when I was done, we both sat back, letting the silence drown out our heartache. It wasn’t until Nate reached over, his fingers on the edge of my plate that I finally spoke. “I asked Tiny to find her because I wanted the truth. I knew that if I’d asked you, you would try to shelter me. To protect me from the hurt. I thought it was what I wanted.”

He froze, his gaze lifting and locking with mine. “And now? What do you want now, Bailey?”

I covered my trembling lips with the back of my hand. “And now I want you. I want you to protect me, Nate.”

*

I sat on the bathroom counter like I’d done so many times before, only now it felt different. There was a nervous, unresolved tension between us as Nate stood between my legs—not close enough that he was touching me, but close enough that I could feel the heat from his body.