Reckless In Love (The Maverick Billionaires #2)(87)

He breathed in deeply, flexing his fingers under hers. He was a helper. He fixed things. He took care of people. When he couldn’t do that, he was lost. But knowing that didn’t make the desolation on his face any easier to take. His pain ground her insides to mincemeat.

But she knew what they both needed. Time. To take a breath. To think clearly again. “I need to see my mom. Alone this time. And I think it would be a good idea if I spent tonight at my place. That way I can focus on my class syllabus.”

An ache that came from deep inside threatened to pull her apart...but she still made herself walk away, out of the workshop, on legs that felt like they’d collapse with every step. She wasn’t walking away because he’d done anything wrong. On the contrary, when the dark clouds appeared, when the shadows crept closer, she hadn’t put the brakes on. Instead, she’d let that first bit of adoration and celebrity turn her head. She’d let the promise of financial security turn her work in a direction in which she should never have let it go.

She had a lot of things to unravel. Maybe she couldn’t sort them all out tonight. But she could at least make a start. Tomorrow, she hoped she would be one step closer to being the real Charlie Ballard again.

But would Sebastian be able to love that woman, without all the glitter and all the fame to go along with her?





CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE


The workshop was too damned quiet. Too big. All wrong without Charlie.

Sebastian hadn’t moved since she’d left him. He’d barely been able to think, to process a damned thing when he already missed her so badly his whole body felt cleaved in two.

The four horses—closer to looking like real, living creatures now, and brilliantly, beautifully executed beyond anything his imagination had conjured—stared at him mercilessly from across the space. And they judged him harshly.

She really loved you. And you screwed it up, hurt her in the worst way possible. The woman who always created from her soul and heart actually stopped enjoying her work. She stopped loving us.

The last word seemed to hiss in the air, condemning him.

All these years, Sebastian had been so sure, so certain, that he’d eradicated his old demons. But he’d been lying to himself. His father’s voice still shouted inside him every single day. He wanted to climb onto that chariot and let the wild horses drag him through the streets until all of it was gone. His father’s cruel laughter. The pain of his childhood. And worst of all, the hole in his heart where Charlie should have been.

If something else has to go, then it will.

Charlie’s words played over and over in Sebastian’s head. And he knew. His worst fears had just come true.

Because that something was him.

He couldn’t blame her for leaving. Everything she said was true. The first night at the Regent might have been fun for her—new, different, exciting. But after that, he’d forced his vision on her, believing it would solve all her problems. All his problems. It would make her a star. She’d have the fame, all the work she could possibly want, and all the money to take care of her mom. That was his vision. Just as she’d said, he’d tried to make her into a glittering celebrity. But no matter what she thought, she hadn’t just fit, she’d conquered. She wasn’t the ugly duckling—or a Zanti Misfit—she was the gorgeous swan. She was bright, intelligent, and talented, and she fit his world perfectly in every way.

Except that she didn’t want it, didn’t love it. And that was the most important thing of all—that she loved what she did with her life.

Charlie wanted a normal life, wanted to build animals out of junk in her workshop just for fun. He’d been pressuring her in directions she didn’t want to go. He should have seen it when she didn’t want the dress, when she wouldn’t accept his money. The signs had all been there.

He’d wanted to make her happy, but she’d been so much happier before he’d pushed her, before he’d run her ragged. He’d brought her to this, had pushed her to the point where she’d said, I can’t even create anymore.

Charlie’s lifeblood, her truest joy, came from her art. If she lost her art, her joy would be gone too. He’d never forgive himself for taking that away from her. Never.

He wanted Charlie happy. He wanted her laughing. Instead, all he’d done was cause her pain.

Susan had tried to tell him he pushed too hard, but he just wouldn’t listen. Not when he thought he knew best. Not when he was so busy keeping all the lines straight.

Except that Charlie wasn’t a straight line. She was elephants and dragons and dinosaurs and Zanti Misfits. She was magic, his unexpected.

And he was her toxic other half.

Everything inside of Sebastian went still and freezing cold.

He hadn’t wanted to imagine a world in which he and Charlie could ever be toxic to each other—or worse, where he was toxic to her. But that was exactly what he was—the worst thing for Charlie. Just like his dad had been toxic for his mom. Like Whitney was for Evan.

You could love someone to death—and that was what he was doing to Charlie, crushing her spirit and her independence. Crushing her joy.

Just like his mom and dad. On her own, Mom might have gotten clean, but his dad was always the one who said, “Come on, honey, let’s have some fun tonight. We can stay home tomorrow if you want.”

His father had been drawn like a moth to the party flame...and though Sebastian’s parties were shinier and prettier, they were still noise and distraction and the buzz of always being surrounded by people, their voices and laughter drowning out everything else.