Reckless Hearts (Oak Harbor #2)(64)

“Dad.” I cut him off quickly. He’s the last person I want to talk to about forgiveness and betrayal right now.

“No, you need to hear this,” he insists. His eyes are on me, full of sadness and regret. “I know things aren’t right between the two of us, and they haven’t been since . . . what I did. And I’m sorry about that, sweetheart, you have to know I’m sorry. But those were my mistakes, not his,” he says gently. “I just don’t want you punishing him because I’m the one who really let you down.”

Tears well in my eyes before I can stop them. “You hurt me,” I whisper.

“I know.”

“And I’m scared that if I give him the chance, he’ll hurt me like that, too.”

My dad looks at me sadly. “Maybe he will. Who can say? But maybe he’ll turn out to be a better man than I ever was.”

Now I can’t hold the tears back. “You’re not bad,” I tell him. Dad fishes in his pocket, and passes me a handkerchief. I blow my nose messily into the cotton. “How do you still have these?” I ask, sniffling.

“I’ve learned they come in handy sometimes. It was how I met your mother, you know,” he adds, with a nostalgic smile. “She was having trouble with her new contact lenses, just standing in the street with tears streaming down her face. I thought she was crying her eyes out; I offered to help beat the man who upset her. She laughed and laughed. I was dressed in my tennis clothes at the time, so I guess I didn’t strike the most threatening figure,” he adds, rueful. “But the offer stands, if you want.”

“What, you’ll go knock Will out?” I can’t even imagine that. My father gets squeamish even taking a spider outside. “Thanks, but I’m not sure that would work out too well, for either of you.”

“I don’t know.” Dad looks relieved to see my smile. “There’s some fight in the old dog yet, especially when it comes to my baby girl.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’ll always be my baby girl,” he corrects me, looking kind of watery around the eyes too now. “And I hope . . . well, I hope that one day we can go fishing again.”

I pause, regret aching in my chest. This is the closest and most honest we’ve been with each other in years. “I’d like that, too,” I agree quietly.

We sit in silence for a moment, then my dad gets to his feet. “Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

I rise too, and offer him a hand as he steps back out onto the trailer flat-bed. He pauses.

“I just want you to be happy, you know that. But I will say something, coming from the other side of the story.” Dad looks solemn. “Hurting you and your mother was the worst thing I ever did. It still haunts me, and I’ve spent every day since earning back her trust, and making it so she never has to question how much I love her ever again. I don’t know much about your Will,” he says, “but he seemed like the kind of man who would spend a lifetime setting things right.”

He climbs down and leaves me to my whirling thoughts. I notice that the handkerchief has fallen, so I bend down to pick it up. That’s when I notice the writing carved into the side of the boat, almost hidden down by the bench. I kneel to take a closer look.

This was the day I fell in love with you.

My breath leaves my lungs in a whoosh, I feel like I just got winded. Hard.

Will.

There aren’t enough words for how I feel thinking about him, remembering that afternoon in the water, his lips burning hot in the icy creek. And later, together at his place . . . how he knew just how to touch me, drive me to the edge, as if he could read my mind, knowing I’d never let myself fall like that before, but promising to catch me regardless.

It was the only time I’ve ever felt something so deep, a connection beyond anything I could imagine, and now, I feel a regret so bittersweet it makes me want to cry.

Am I really going to give all this up because of one mistake?

My heart aches. I remember what my mom said, about choosing a life with Dad rather than one without him. It seemed so clinical at the time, but now, I see it wasn’t about making a calculation, it wasn’t about rational thought at all.

It was just about love.

And for the first time, I understand.

Yes, it hurts, and yes, I still feel like Will betrayed me by not telling me everything, but right now when I think about the future, and what I want from my life, all I can think about is him. Laughing and talking and driving each other crazy with desire. Waking up with him as dawn breaks through the windows and feeling him reach for me in the middle of the night. I want it so much, I can’t stand it. A life together, my partner, my cheerleader.

My love.

God, just a couple of weeks without him has already been an eternity. How am I supposed to get through another sixty years without him by my side?

I pull out my cellphone and dial. “Eva?” I ask, when she picks up. “About that trip you suggested . . . can I stay tonight?”

My head is still spinning, but I know what I have to do.

“I’m coming to New York.”





Twenty-Two.


Thanks to my credit card and a last-minute flight, here I am less than twenty-four hours later: walking the busy New York sidewalks towards Will’s last known address, wondering if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by putting my heart on the line like this.