Rebound (Seattle Steelheads #1)(9)

We met each other’s gazes. Was it weird to be bonding in a way over the things our past partners had put us through? Maybe. I didn’t know. Tonight, I’d take whatever I could get, and somehow this seemed like more—way more—than I’d had any right to expect from anyone.

I cleared my throat and thumbed my coffee cup handle. “Do you want to come in and sit? Might be more comfortable than standing around in the kitchen.”

“Sure.”

We went into the living room where I’d been studying hockey videos earlier. I closed the laptop, and we took seats on the wide leather sofa.

“So, you and Nathan.” Geoff settled on to a cushion. “How long were you two together?”

I stared into the coffee cup I was cradling between both hands. “Four years.” Just thinking about that made my head hurt. “God, I wasted so much time with him. I feel like a fucking idiot.”

“Asher.” Geoff put his coffee cup on a coaster, then twisted toward me and rested his elbow on the back of the couch. “I’ll tell you right now—I go to domestics all the time. Everything you’re thinking and doing? It’s completely normal.”

“It is?”

He nodded. “I went through a lot of it myself. Stayed with someone a lot longer than I should have and felt stupid after the fact.”

Some tension melted out of my shoulders. As much as I hated knowing he’d been there, done that, there was some comfort in other people—especially him—knowing what I was feeling right now. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I felt a bit less irrational. Less alone, anyway.

Geoff studied me. “Having your relationship in the public eye can’t have helped anything.”

I deflated. “Oh my God. No. It’s been awful. The thing is, I’ve been out since college. My coaches said I should stay closeted because there was no way an openly gay player was going to get drafted into the PHL.”

“But you came out anyway?”

I nodded, staring at the coffee table. “I figured I’d put it out there. This is who I am. If you want me to play for your team, fucking live with it.”

“Ballsy. And apparently you still made the cut.”

“Yeah. But the thing is, when you’re the only openly gay player in the entire league, there’s so fucking much pressure.” I pressed my elbows into my knees and let my head fall forward as I kneaded my stiff neck. “Every time a gay celebrity couple breaks up, or they even give each other a dirty look, it’s proof that same-sex relationships are doomed to fail.”

Geoff laughed dryly. “Don’t I know it. Not like straight couples ever fall apart, right?”

“Exactly.” Exhaling, I leaned back against the couch. “And if I’m not the absolute best hockey player on the ice, then it’s just proof that gay men don’t belong in pro sports. So I can’t just be a hockey player who happens to be gay. I have to be the perfect hockey player and the perfect gay man. We had to have the perfect relationship so no one would hold us up as a reason why gay men were…” I waved a frustrated hand. “It was a lot of pressure. It is a lot of pressure.”

He was nodding as I spoke. “And since you’re a high-profile athlete, you’re going to have a high-profile breakup.”

I winced. “Yeah.” Jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the kitchen, I sighed. “The video of me and Nathan fighting? And you and your partner showing up? It’s all over the internet already.”

“Christ. That didn’t take long.”

“No, it didn’t.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “So now my teammates are worried, social media is probably in a feeding frenzy, and Nathan has got to be counting down until I call him to say I want him to come back.”

“Are you going to?”

I actually had to think about it. Really think about it. That alone made me realize how much my relationship with Nathan had fucked up my brain. Finally, though, I came to my senses and said, “No.”

Geoff didn’t speak, but the silence rather loudly asked, “You sure about that?”

“I’m not going back.” I wasn’t sure if I was saying it to Geoff or myself. “I’m just nervous about going forward.”

“You think he’s going to harass you?”

I laughed. “I know he will. And I’ll get the restraining order, but that won’t stop him.”

“It won’t stop him,” Geoff admitted, “but it gives us a hell of a lot more leverage to charge him if and when he violates it.”

“Isn’t that how abuse victims get killed?”

“Sometimes, unfortunately. Our system is not designed to…” He gestured dismissively. “We’ll be here all night if I start down that road. Has he ever threatened to kill you? Anything like that?”

I shook my head. “No. I’d like to think he won’t do something now that I’ve broken up with him, but I guess we’ll see.”

Geoff nodded, chewing his lip. “To be on the safe side, I’d look into changing the locks and updating your security system as soon as possible.”

“That’s the plan.” I rubbed my forehead. “Honestly, I don’t think he’s dangerous like that. I mean, we’ll see, but…” I exhaled hard. “I just know that one way or another, moving on is going to be miserable. It’s one of the reasons I put it off for so long.”