Really Good, Actually(15)
At $1,000 per month, it was the only close-to-affordable place I’d seen where I could live alone in the neighborhood of my choosing. In the pictures it was incredibly clean, although a single, healthy pothos plant was doing a lot of work to give a raised platform bed over a hot plate and dorm fridge a homey atmosphere. It wasn’t bad, exactly—by the standards of Toronto rental listings it was a real find—but there was no denying that it looked like the second-nicest room in a very humane Scandinavian prison.
When I got there, I realized the older man expected us to share a bathroom.
“I’m very respectful,” he said with a laugh, “but if you come in without knocking, you’re responsible for anything you see!”
I told the group chat this experience had put me off house hunting, that it might make sense to wait things out a little bit. Maybe I could Airbnb my place on weekends, staying on friends’ couches while a wealthy couple I didn’t know fought or fucked in my bedroom. Maybe I could get another job. Maybe my parents would help me out. Mostly, I could not imagine leaving, not yet. We’d properly decorated the living room this year, had recently risked our deposit to put three nails in a wall. Two of these were now bare, sticking out by a window like metal indictments. I had made a promise to this place. Maybe I couldn’t keep all my promises, but I would try to keep this one.
I logged back in to my bank account and gave my landlord seventy of my remaining dollars. She wrote back confirming receipt of payment, adding: Sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time. It’s always darkest before the dawn. :) If you meet someone new and want to add another person to the lease, a new $70 charge will apply.
Emails
To: [email protected] From: m——@gmail.com
Sent: July 30, 2018, 4:12 am To Whom It May Concern, I am writing to complain about your phone-first policy, which your driver, Erik, assures me is standard across all Treatza deliveries. As you can probably see on my customer profile, I have been especially active on your app recently. I just looked, and I’ve placed 15 orders over the last 20 days, so I’m in a particularly strong position, I think, to deliver some constructive criticism.
Basically, it’s really, really important that you tell people you’re going to call them before you even try ringing the doorbell. I live on the ground floor of my apartment building, so I can usually see and hear when someone arrives. I go outside, collect my food, and come back in without the bell or my phone ever ringing. As I say, I’ve done this almost every day for the past three weeks without incident.
Tonight, after placing my order, I got in the shower. I don’t know why or how he was so fast, but Erik must have arrived within minutes of me turning on the taps. I didn’t hear anyone on the landing, because of the shower, and Erik didn’t ring the bell, knock, call out, or text. What he did do was call my ex-husband four times and leave three voicemails.
I’m sure I don’t need to explain why this was less than ideal, but unfortunately that was not the end of it. When I called my ex-husband to apologize, he told me it was not a big deal to receive four calls from a delivery driver at 4 am because he was at this point “pretty used to it,” and the only thing he found disturbing was the volume of my beef consumption. Erik had not been the first driver to call before trying the doorbell. In fact, it turns out that every single delivery person who has been to my home since our breakup has called my ex’s number before coming to the door. He says one of them even told him it was “always burgers,” which feels grossly unprofessional. Surely there is some kind of confidentiality clause in your employee contract? My deliveries are none of his or anyone else’s business!!!!
I ask that you amend the phone-first policy (or at least make it VERY CLEAR in the app), remove the number 647-xxx-xxxx from my user profile, and credit my account $15, in light of emotional damages. Also, if there’s any way to add a tip to Erik’s bill now, I didn’t do so at the time, because I was so flustered and upset in the moment, and I really regret it. I know the gig economy is super precarious and you guys refuse to let your workers unionize, which in the long run is probably a way bigger deal than this burger mishap, plus he’s a good guy. Very kind eyes.
Thank you for your time. And to be clear, my dog is on a special diet where he can only eat ground beef, so that’s what all the burgers are for.
Margaret
To: [email protected] From: m——@gmail.com
Sent: July 30, 2018, 4:25 am P.S. The vet said my dog has to eat at very specific times of night, which is why the orders are all so late. It’s a bit inconvenient, but I am a very devoted dog parent.
To: [email protected] From: m——@gmail.com
Sent: July 30, 2018, 4:37 am Look, I thought about it some more, and I really shouldn’t have been in touch. Please don’t get Erik in trouble over this, he doesn’t deserve that. I only emailed because I wanted to make sure other people weren’t affected by this policy, which, for the reasons outlined above, has the potential to hurt a lot of people, or at least really ruin their day. I just care a lot (maybe too much, haha!) about my dog’s well-being and want to do right by Fozz (a Pekingese-Schnauzer mix I rescued from Puerto Rico through a charity). Anyway, I’m sorry to bother you. Please use my $15 credit to tip Erik, and we’ll call it a day.