Razed (Barnes Brothers #2)(87)

She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the memory of Price’s face. The memory from that night superimposed on the pictures she’d seen when she’d done the search on him.

“My life isn’t my own,” she said softly. “Not yet. You’re right, you know. I’m not to blame, and I’ve let it drag me down forever. You can’t even imagine the ways I let it drag me down.”

You got a chip on your shoulder about money, Keelie . . .

She might have laughed a little if she thought it wouldn’t come out like a sob. Looking back at the building where she lived, she wondered what Zane might say if he knew the truth.

“It changed everything I am—shaped everything I do. And I’m tired of it. But I can’t move past it without doing something. That’s what I’m going to do.”

“You’re going back home.”

“I’m going back . . . but it’s not home. Arizona is.” The words felt like a death knell. When she’d left that place, she hadn’t ever wanted to go back. Hadn’t ever wanted to see the cool, collected face of her mother, or look into the sly, scheming eyes of her stepbrother, the icy mask that was her stepfather. They had done everything they could to convince her to forget the incident. The harder they tried, the more trouble she’d caused. She became the poster-child for a troubled youth. Bribes of shopping trips, a car for her sixteenth birthday, none of it had worked. She hadn’t understood why they’d kept her as long as they had—why they’d even wanted her to begin with.

Not until years later, during one late-night discussion with Paul Jenkins.

That was probably why there was somebody trying to hunt her down now.

She’d save them the trouble. Why not take this right to them?

“Let me come with you,” Zane said, his voice low, warm, a coaxing comfort that she so badly wanted to indulge in.

“No.” It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Even after just a couple of weeks, she was already counting on him to be there. She knew why, now.

He always had been there. Just waiting. For her.

She was ready for that now. Ready to see where this led, what would happen.

But she had to free herself first, do this one thing.

“Why?”

“Because they silenced me once. I was too scared, too young, too na?ve to know what to do. I’m not that kid anymore, but if I don’t take this one step on my own, some part of me is always going to feel like that scared, foolish girl.” That admission took all the courage she had in her.

She’d had no courage, no self-confidence, no pride when she left that house, and she hadn’t deserved it. It had taken her years to be able to look at her own reflection without flinching.

This one thing might help her finally accept what she’d done. What she’d failed to do.

So damn it, she’d do it. Alone.

“How long?”

She closed her eyes against the disappointment, the bitterness in his voice. “I don’t know. Hopefully no more than a week. I’ll probably have to go back, but at least I’ll be able to plan for it better. I’ll know more once I get there and talk to whoever I need to talk to.”

“And me?” The question was soft, almost uncertain. “Are you going to talk to me and explain this to me?”

She opened her eyes, stared at her reflection. He already knew the worst things she had hidden inside.

She might as well explain the rest of it. But not now.

“I will. Soon.”





Chapter Seventeen




The heat of a Kentucky summer sucker-punched her as she left the airport. It was already night, but the air was thick, choked with humidity that already had sweat beading on her brow.

Yeah, that was one thing Keelie hadn’t missed about this place.

Well, one of many.

Her rental car waited and she had to smile at the sight of it. After so many years of driving the beater, she wasn’t quite so certain how to handle the Mercedes Paul had lined up for her. She fumbled with the key fob for a minute and then opened the door, almost reluctant to climb inside.

Her phone rang as she went to shut the door and she welcomed the distraction, even more as she saw the number.

“Paul.”

“Katie.”

She licked her lips. “Keelie. That’s who I am now. Katie . . .” She sighed and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the padded headrest. The seat was almost too comfortable to be believed. “It’s Keelie. Katie’s been gone a long time.”

“You aren’t defined by a name, kid. You’re defined by what you do.”

“And Katie was a kid who hid under the covers, ran away instead of standing up,” she said, opening her eyes to stare at the quiet, dark parking lot. She’d locked the doors out of habit and she sat in a cocoon of silence. Easier, she thought. Easier to just sit here and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. But there were things to do. She had to do them, so she could close this chapter of her life. “I don’t hide away anymore.”

Paul was quiet, but after a moment, he said, “I knew your dad. Did I ever tell you that?”

Her heart swelled, expanding until it seemed to fill her entire chest. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. “What?”