Rascal (Rascals Book 1)(57)

I couldn’t believe I’d gone that far. I knew how much her job mattered to her, and how hard she’d worked—honest work—to get where she was today. But I’d basically acted like none of that mattered, that she was just using people for selfish gain. Dammit. Even thinking about it now made me tense with shame. My father never failed to bring out the worst in me, but that was no excuse. I couldn’t keep letting him influence my life like this. I told myself that I was a grown man, finally free from his criticism and judgment, but there was nothing mature about the way I’d let him get under my skin, reminding me of all my insecurities until I blew up at the one person who I should have treated like a queen.

Alex deserved better than that.

Even if I could muster up the courage to apologize to her, I didn’t have the words to make amends.

So instead, I stomped around the campsite and glared at nature. I kept insisting that I was fine. That nothing was wrong. I kept pretending that we were just on another one of our regular fishing trips, just three dudes spending the afternoon in a boat.

To their credit, my friends hadn’t said anything. They were letting me mope and grumble and be a pain in the ass. I was pretty sure I didn’t deserve it, but I was fucking grateful for it.

“Geez,” Sawyer groaned as he pulled his line from the water. His bait had been stolen clean off the hook. “Is it just me, or does it seem like the fish are getting smarter?”

“Maybe you’re just getting dumber,” Chase suggested, letting out a cry of protest as Sawyer threw a slimy, wiggling worm at him. “Gross, dude,” he said, clearing his throat and adopting a slightly lower baritone than usual.

Sawyer gave him the finger.

I couldn’t even crack a smile.

“Or maybe our lack of luck with fish today has something to do with Miss Lonelyhearts over here sighing like that every five seconds,” Chase observed.

I didn’t have a worm to throw at him, so I just ignored him, pulling my baseball cap down over my forehead.

“They can probably smell the sadness,” Sawyer added, pretending to hold his nose. “Because it fucking reeks.”

“If this is your attempt at cheering me up, I have to tell you, it sucks,” I told them.

“We already tried that tactic,” Chase countered, reeling in his line, which had been picked clean just like Sawyer’s had.

“You’ve been stomping around the campsite like a bear with a burr up its ass,” Sawyer added colorfully.

“We tried being nice and understanding and patient,” said Chase.

It was true, but it was also true that when it came to the bro code, a camping trip with your guys meant that you didn’t have to talk about your feelings. Any of them.

“Pretty sure there was nothing nice or understanding or patient about the way you basically tossed me into Sawyer’s truck and kidnapped me,” I reminded him. “I could have told you that I wasn’t in the mood for this back to nature routine.”

I knew I was being unfair. I knew I was being a dick. But I couldn’t help it. I was angry and hurt and therefore was lashing out at the closest thing to me. My best friends.

“You think we’re in the mood for it?” Sawyer gave up on his line and leaned back in the boat, his arms crossed. “You’ve been an asshole ever since you and Alex broke up, and we were sick of you infecting our place of business with your shitty attitude.”

“At least if we’re out here, you’re not going to scare customers away with your ugly, mean mug,” Chase told me bluntly.

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. He was right. I hadn’t done a very good job of keeping my shit together at work, and the last thing I wanted to do was screw that up, too.

“I don’t want to talk about Alex,” I said stubbornly.

I couldn’t. It was too hard.

Unfortunately, the guys didn’t seem to care. I had apparently run out of good will from them, and we had gone from good cop attitude to bad cop.

“Tough shit,” Sawyer told me, putting aside his rod. “Because we’re not leaving this boat until you tell us exactly what happened.”

I really didn’t want to talk about it. All they knew—all I wanted them to know—was that Alex and I had broken it off. Understandably, they had all been surprised when I told them, and then sympathetic when it became apparent that the whole thing was bumming me the fuck out. But now I was going to have to spill the beans and tell them the details. And any sympathy they might have had for me was going to go right out the window.

“We thought things were going really well between you guys.” Chase nudged me gently. “And we really liked her.”

“Even though she’s a card shark,” Sawyer added helpfully.

“But a really cute card shark,” Chase amended.

Sawyer nodded.

“She’s gorgeous, smart, focused, and about a thousand times out of your league,” Chase continued. “So what did you do to fuck it up?”

“I was an asshole,” I said bluntly. I knew I was going to have to tell them eventually—they weren’t the kind of guys to make threats lightly, and I had no doubt that they would stay out here on the lake for days if they wanted to. So I took a deep breath and told them everything.

They didn’t take it well.

“Did you really think that she was with you because of your name and your family?” Sawyer asked, his mouth hanging open.