RYDER (Slater Brothers 4)(50)

Comforting him was the last thing I should have thought about doing, but breaking up or not, this man meant everything to me, and I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. That knowledge hurt me because as much as I told myself I didn’t love this version of him, I knew it wasn’t true. I was in love with Ryder in any way I could have him, that was how deeply I felt for him.

“She doesn’t hate you,” I murmured. “‘er hormones are all over the place, and she’s just upset because I’m upset. Don’t worry about it, she’ll be speakin’ to you by tomorrow.”

“Why do you do that?” Ryder asked, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t read.

I was stumped.

“Do what?” I asked.

“You’re trying to make me feel better about Bronagh because I said she hates me. You’re trying to save me from being hurt when you’re furious with me.”

I gnawed on my inner cheek. “Bronagh says I do it to ‘er because I’m protectin’ ‘er. Maybe I’m doin’ the same for you, too.”

Ryder stepped towards me. “I’m sorry for what I said to you earlier.”

I straightened.

“You hurt me,” I said. “Accusin’ me of cheatin’ on you was somethin’ I never thought you would ever say to me.”

Another step.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I just pictured this Ash person touching you, and I got so angry that I lashed out at you.”

I shrugged. “I’m used to you lashin’ out at me.”

Ryder looked like I slapped him across the face.

“Please, don’t say that,” his voice low.

I licked my dry lips.

“I bruise you and you bruise me. That’s how things are between us now.”

Ryder’s eyes searched mine, and what he saw caused his head to drop.

“I don’t know how we’ve gotten here, Branna.”

My heart began to pound against my chest.

“Me either.”

Ryder swallowed. “I think… I think we should talk.”

I did too, and it killed me because I didn’t want to say what needed to be said, but I had to. For both of our sakes, I had to.

“Yeah, we do.”

Ryder leaned his shoulder against the wall. “I have a feeling the outcome is going to break me, am I right?”

Break him? I thought. Him?

I stared. “I don’t know, it depends on how you take what I have to say.”

He set his jaw. “Say it.”

This was it.

“I think you know what I’m goin’ to say.”

He nodded. “I think I do, too, but I want to hear you say it.”

My palms became sticky with sweat.

“I can’t do this anymore, Ryder.”

“Say it, Branna.”

I was always Branna or Bran now, never Sweetness, and it was pathetic how much I missed that term of endearment. The tears that sat on the brim of my eyes finally spilled over and splashed onto my cheeks. Pain pulsed in my chest. This was really it. This was the end of us.

“You feel the same way I do, I know you do.” I sniffled, quickly wiping away my tears. “We don’t make each other happy anymore.”

He pushed away from the wall and stepped towards me.

“Say. It.”

I began to sob. “I don’t know what else you want me to say!”

“Say the f*cking words.” He demanded. “If you’re going to break up with me you have to say it out loud, I want to hear you say it.”

I swallowed and looked down at the floor, then with a heavy heart I said, “Ryder… I’m… I’m breakin’ up with you.”

“No.”

I looked up at him and blinked with confusion. “What do you me-mean no?”

“We aren’t breaking up,” he stated, his face red. “We aren’t giving up just because shit has gotten hard, we’re going to fight.”

He was killing me.

“We have been fighting—”

“With one another, not for one another.”

I met Ryder with silence so he pressed on.

“We’re going to start over. I don’t know where we lost one another, but if we go back to the start we can find our way back to each other. I know we can.”

I felt hopeless.

“So we’re thrustin’ ourselves back into the beginnin’ stages of dating?” I quizzed, shaking my head.

“Yeah.” Ryder replied, firmly. “That’s exactly what we’ll do.”

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands when more tears fell.

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to make you fall in love with me all over again.”

“Don’t say things like that to me!” I shouted. “You can’t say things like that and expect me to believe you. You promised me the world when we first got together, promised to always take care of me, to always be there for me, to always show me love. You swore up and down that we’d grow old together but the only thing we’ve done is grow apart.”

“I don’t believe that,” Ryder replied, the veins on his arms bulged as he tensed his body.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you!” I snapped. “If you can’t see what’s been happenin’ over the last year then me simply explainin’ it won’t penetrate your bloody mind!”