RUSH (City Lights, #3)(85)

I drummed my fingers on the table. “I need her. I can’t function without her. I can’t even find my way to our room without her.”

“Needing her is not the same as loving her.”

Loving her. Loving Charlotte…My chest constricted painfully. We don’t have to figure everything out all at once, I told myself and realized Ava was waiting for a response.

“I can do both. I care about her more than anything, and that’s the last time I’m going to say it before I feel like I’m just trying to prove something to you.”

“I believe you,” Ava said. “I’ve never seen you like this. You’re a different kind of happy than I’ve ever seen. It’s not obvious; it’s in your bones, or something, and I’m really happy for you, Noah. But about your job, you’re still restless and holding on to something that’s not there anymore.”

“You don’t know that, Ava. I’m going to Planet X’s ball and I’m going to talk to Yuri about a job. A career—”

“What career? You can’t have your old life back,” Ava snapped. “You’re different now. And Charlotte is different. She’s not like Angelina—”

“Valentina,” I said.

“Whatever.” Ava pushed her chair back. “I like Charlotte. I agree that she’s the best thing to happen to you. Not since the accident but since ever.”

I felt her hand on my arm.

“Don’t f*ck it up.”

*

It took me ten stinking minutes to find the suite but I would be goddamned before I asked anyone for help. I opened the last door on a hallway, and breathed a sigh of relief; I could smell fragrant steam, soap, and Charlotte’s own sweet vanilla scent hanging in the air. I stripped down to my underwear, and climbed into bed with her. She immediately scooted closer to me, her back against my chest.

“I thought you’d be asleep,” I murmured, holding her tightly.

“I did too.”

What have you done for her? Ava’s question rebounded in my mind.

“Talk to me, Charlotte,” I said gently. “Please.”

“I can’t help but think about my violin. And my music. And my career, whatever that may be. I don’t know what it is anymore. Or what’s left of it.”

I took a breath, forced the words out. “The Vienna Touring Orchestra. Are you going to audition?”

“With what?” she asked and her voice broke. “It’s gone. My violin is gone. My parents worked so hard…and it’s gone now, and I feel like an amputee. Which is so strange, because I had begun to think I wouldn’t play any more. Not professionally. But I miss it. And I miss it a lot, Noah. I miss Chris.” She began to cry in earnest now and I buried my face in her hair, feeling her grief as she shuddered against me.

“Go ahead, Charlotte,” I whispered. “It’s okay.”

“He’s really gone, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, baby, he is.”

She cried harder, clutching my arm, and I just held her, my heart aching for her.

“It all comes from the same place,” she whispered, her breath hitching. “My music and love, and the passion I felt when I played. And when Chris died…It hurt so much to play and I didn’t know why. But I think I know.” She swallowed her tears, or maybe she’d finally run dry. “It feels unfair to move on when the ones we love can’t.”

She turned to me and kissed me, and I tasted her salt tears and her sweetness, and her love for me. I felt it, potent and sweet.

“I want you to be happy,” I said and squeezed my eyes shut until they hurt. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“I’m happy with you, Noah. Like nothing I’ve ever known.”

She kissed me and I felt her desire burning through her tears, but I hesitated; she was so upset.

“I want to,” she breathed. “I want you, Noah. You make me feel like everything bad is so far away.”

She kissed me again and again, and I started to feel that peculiar feeling that was exhilarating and disorienting at once, where my world telescoped to nothing but Charlotte—her skin, her breath, the sweet softness of her body beneath mine. She slipped out of her shirt and panties, and I when my body was flush with hers, and then joined, I drowned in the sensations, losing myself completely in her.

After, she snuggled up to me and sleep claimed her quickly; she’d exhausted herself, purging herself of the grief that had been weighing her down. And I believed her that she was happy but it wasn’t enough.

The next morning, before we said our goodbyes to my family, Ava took Charlotte aside for some ‘girl talk.’ I used the opportunity to find Lucien and tell him what I wanted. I spoke in French so that if Charlotte came by—and I didn’t know it—she wouldn’t understand.

“Are you certain?” Lucien asked doubtfully, though I could hear he was pleased. “It will not be easy.”

“I’m certain,” I said. “Do whatever it takes.”

I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Very good, my boy. Very good.”





ACT III: Cadenza





Chapter Twenty-Seven


Charlotte

The week leading up to the Planet X party seemed to fly by, like a runaway train ready to jump its tracks. I went shopping with Melanie for a dress with all the enthusiasm of someone about to face dental surgery. A fancy party at a world-famous landmark should have given me pleasant jitters, and instead my stomach twisted in knots that only seemed to tighten as the week progressed. Worse, Noah was distracted and jumpy, and I knew the idea of facing his old PX coworkers made him more nervous than he would admit.