RECLAIM MY HEART(33)

Tyne looked out the car window at the lush, green trees flanking the narrow country road.
“You know,” she said, “I’ve been so focused today that I haven’t thought about Zach. I wonder what he’s doing.”
Lucas glanced at the clock on the dashboard. “He’s probably cleaning the fish they caught. Or stacking the firewood he collected.” He grinned. “Or sitting in a hole trying to figure out how to get out.”
“What?” She couldn’t tell if he was serious or if he was teasing her. “What are you talking about?”
“Uncle Jasper put me in a hole once.”
Tyne couldn’t believe her ears. “Lucas. Come on. Don’t tease me.”
“I’m serious.” He lifted one hand off the steering wheel. “First, he made me dig the hole. I spent a whole day with a shovel in my hands. ‘Deeper,’ he kept saying. ‘Deeper.’ And he made me go to sleep next to it that night not knowing what the danged thing was for. ‘That is for tomorrow,’ was all he’d tell me before sliding into his sleeping bag.”
Lucas’s smile never faltered. “The next morning he told me to jump down into the hole. Which I did, no questions asked. He told me I could have breakfast as soon as I’d climbed out, and then he walked away.”
She was quiet, her mind taken up with the idea of Zach out in the woods with Jasper…?maybe standing in a hole he’d been forced to dig.
“Nearly three hours later and I was still standing there. Filthy from trying to scale the walls, frustrated as hell that I couldn’t.”
“Your tone is telling me this is a good memory,” she said, “but for the life of me, I don’t understand.”
He laughed. “Neither did I. And that was precisely the point of why I was in the hole for hours.”
She frowned.
“Little did I know, but my uncle was busy in the night. While I slept, he’d angled the sides of the hole so the opening was smaller than the base. It would have been impossible for me to climb out. It’ll be impossible for Zach to climb out too.”
“Lucas! You are not making me feel any better. Get to the good part, please.”
“I just hope he figures it out quicker than I did,” Lucas continued easily. “You see, many of those camping tasks will emphasize independence. They’re about learning self-reliance. But the hole? The hole is designed to make a man realize there are times when he can’t go it alone. He needs others.”
Tyne nestled into the seat, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “My son’s out in the woods som ctheers.”
He chuckled at her, the sound of it not at all unpleasant.
“Physical exercise is good for him, Tyne.” His voice went soft and serious. “You know it is. Shoveling dirt or carrying wood, it doesn’t matter. He’s out in the sunshine with someone whose only wish is to teach him the things he needs to know to get through life unscathed. Zach will benefit by learning to think for himself. Learning to scope things out, decipher situations, anticipate the consequences of his actions.”
She took in everything he said, her shoulder and arm muscles relaxing. Thinking about the trouble Zach had gotten himself in back in Philly, she had to agree that her son needed some practice on all of those things.
“Oh, wait. Slow down. There it is,” she said, pointing to the road sign they’d been watching for. “Jasmine Way.” She leaned forward a little as he made the turn. “Now to find the house.”
Lucas slowed the car, pulling to a stop on the wide shoulder of the road.
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Tension laced the edges of his words.
Her heart ached for him as she took in his ridged jaw and his tight grip on the steering wheel.
“That hole in the ground I told you that Uncle Jasper had me dig…” He paused long enough to swipe the back of his hand across his mouth. “It wasn’t just an opening in the dirt. It was meant to represent predicaments. Life’s difficulties. I spent hours down there, excited and determined. If my uncle told me to climb out, then there most certainly was a way for me to climb out. I just had to find it. But after a while, I was forced to look at the sides—all the sides—of the problem.” His eyes narrowed.
“Once again, I’ve focused all my energy on my own excitement. My own determination to solve the problem.” Absently, his thumb worried the leather covering of the steering wheel. “What if she’s not interested in meeting me?” he murmured. “What if she’s never given me a second thought? What if my showing up on her doorstep only causes her grief?”
She heard no self-pity, only matter-of-fact inquiry. Tyne sat motionless. When she did speak, her tone was just as soft as his. “I’m a mother, Lucas, and I can’t imagine that she hasn’t thought of you. That she hasn’t wondered. A person would have to be heartless…” She let the rest of the thought fade. He didn’t seem to be listening to her anyway.
His eyes remained riveted to a spot somewhere on the distant horizon. “What if she married someone, you know, from her own religion? What if her husband knows nothing about me? What if she has other children? And all they know is that their mother is perfect in every way? I could ruin everything for her. I could cause this woman a whole world of—” His mouth thinned and his shoulders dropped a full inch. “That’s what he meant.”
“What? Who?” A car passed by; Tyne gave it little notice.
“Uncle Jasper. He told me not to cause Ruth Yoder harm. I thought he meant I shouldn’t say anything mean to her. Or, you know, blame her.” Doubt shadowed his gaze. “But I realize now he meant so much more. Just by showing up on her doorstep, I could end up hurting her.”