RECLAIM MY HEART(14)

“I was ten when Jasper made my first bow for me. A short, stubby little thing.” He reached out and touched the wood of the bow he’d given Zach. “This one was a gift for my thirteenth birthday. It was too big for me, and my uncle knew it. He told me to pull it. That it would develop my muscles and callous my fingers. That when I could shoot it properly, I’d be a man.”
Lucas looked up at Tyne. “I pulled on that string every day, Tyne. I was nearly Zach’s age before I was strong enough to shoot with any accuracy. Uncle Jasper taught me to aim only at what I intended to shoot and to shoot where I aimed. I didn’t realize it then, but he was teaching me responsibility, self-reliance and self-confidence. Zach needs all of those things.”
“How the hell do you know what Zach needs? You’ve spent a total of four hours of your life with him.” Somewhere inside her there was a tiny seed of understanding that Lucas’s argument was logical and warranted her attention, but a thick haze of emotion choked off the perception and kept it from sprouting into anything tangible.
He stood and stepped over to look out the front door. Tyne’s shoulders squared.
“That boy is in deep trouble,” she said. “He needs to be disciplined, not rewarded with a new toy.”
“First it’s a weapon. Now it’s a toy.” Lucas shook his head derisively. Without turning to face her, he slid his hands into his pockets. “He’s not a boy, Tyne. He’s almost a man. And it seems to me that the discipline should have been started long ago.”
“Stop it. Just stop.” She slung the dishtowel over the back of the upholstered chair. “I won’t let you, or that judge, criticize my parenting. I’m a good mother, damn it. You have no idea what Zach and I have faced over the years. What I—” she poked herself in the chest “—have gotten us through. With very little help. From anyone. So I don’t want to hear another word of disapproval from you. You don’t know. You just don’t know.”
Lucas sighed as he turned to look at her. “Listen, Tyne, I don’t mean to assign blame, and the last thing I want to do is argue with you at every turn. We need to focus on the problem. Zach is in trouble and he needs our help. And we won’t be able to help him if we’re constantly at each other’s throats.”
Tyne kept her mouth shut, shifted her weight to her right foot and crossed her arms over her chest. The raw edges of her emotions refused to allow her to acknowledge that the man had made a valid point or two. Her silence would have to suffice.
“I get it, okay?” he continued. “I get that you’re angry. You’re angry that you’re here. You’re angry about the past. I get it.” He lifted one hand and oubne handrubbed the back of his neck. “For what it’s worth, I’m not so sure coming here was the best solution. But this is where we’re at. This is what we’ve got. We have to make it work. We have to make it work together, you and I. For Zach.
“And about the past—” he lifted both hands, palms up, then let them fall to his sides “—I’ve got so many questions, I don’t even know where to begin. But I know asking them will only lead to more arguments, more blame, more anger. I think the best thing for us to do is focus on the problem. For now, at least.” He glanced out the door, then back at Tyne, murmuring, “Let’s just focus on the problem.”
He moved back to the couch and picked up the bow. “I want him to have this, Tyne. If you say not now, then that’s how it’ll have to be. But I want you to know I’ll just wait until he’s eighteen and give it to him then.” Lucas set the bow down again. “It’s perfectly safe, you know. And I’d be with him. I’d teach him to use it. Properly. We need something, Tyne. He and I. Something to help us connect. Some reason to be together. So we can talk. So we can get to know one another.” Again, he sighed. “I hope you’ll change your mind.”
For long seconds she remained silent, her jaw clenched until it ached. Finally, she murmured, “Okay.”
He shook his head, confused. “Okay what? Okay, we shouldn’t fight? Okay, we need to work together? Okay, Zach can have the bow? What?”
She swallowed hard. “Okay to everything.” She snatched up the dishtowel. “But I don’t like it, Lucas. Any of it. Not one bit. I want you to know that. I want you to know exactly how I feel.” She looked down to see that she’d stretched the towel taut. “We do have to work with what we’ve got. But I damn well don’t have to like it.”
Tyne turned, stalked straight through the kitchen, down the short hall to the bedroom and shut the door.
?     ?     ?

After stripping down to her panties and bra, Tyne sprawled out on the bed. Maybe a nap would help cool her anger. Everything she’d said to Lucas had been the truth. She had struggled as a single parent, and no one could understand the pitfalls she’d experienced. The situation that forced all of them into this damned exile galled her to the core. Her heart ached for Zach, yet at the same time, she hated that she felt disappointed in him, hated that his mistake shined a bad light on her mothering skills. She wished she didn’t have to be here, didn’t have to deal with this mess. But she probably shouldn’t have lashed out at Lucas about it. As angry as she was, logic and reason told her he was only trying to help Zach. Why couldn’t she give him a little credit for that?
She rolled over onto her back, splayed her hands on her stomach, and stared at the ceiling. As her breathing became more measured, her shoulders relaxed, and her eyelids fluttered shut. Her thoughts drifted to the past, as if she were transported by some plush and magical carpet.