Puddle Jumping(27)

“I can turn it off . . .” I started but Colton just shook his head, transfixed.

“I’d like to finish it.”

I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time and pushing back tears because these people were older . . . and . . . there was no Hollywood ending. Just reality. The reality of loving someone who may never, ever be able to love you back in the same capacity.

But Colton could, right? We were different. We had to be. He could explain things so clearly and show his affections in other ways and there was nothing that would make me ever quit loving him. I was sure of it.

The credits rolled and I sat in stunned silence, because there wasn’t a happy ending.

There was no happy ending.

None.

I needed that happy ending.

The silence was overwhelming as I cleaned up the dishes and loaded the washer.

“I’m going to get ready for bed.” Colton disappeared to his room to start his routine and I debated on whether or not to follow.

What we’d just watched reverberated through my mind.

I didn’t want that for us.

I couldn’t allow myself to wallow in those thoughts. Instead, I focused on getting up the stairs to his room. He was in the shower when I got there and for a moment, I paused.

Until he called my name.

“Lilly?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” I walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat, overcome by thoughts and emotions and unable to think clearly.

“Will you join me?”

The shower curtain moved back slightly as his head poked out, water running down his face and dripping from his chin as he gazed at me sitting there. As much as he could be concerned, he looked like he was, and I hated to see him that way. Something in the way he was looking at me pulled at my heart and every last expectation I had for the night flew out the window.

“Are you upset? Did you not like dinner?”

“I liked dinner,” I said quietly. I couldn’t say what I was upset about. It felt too much like folding.

Instead of stripping and getting into ridiculous lingerie to seduce him, I stood, pulled off my dress, and stepped into the shower, under the warm spray of the water to just . . . hold him. In a watery embrace. So that he couldn’t see the difference between the water from above and the tears as they silently flowed.

I didn’t even care about possibly having to explain why my hair was wet when his parents got home.

* * *

I’m not a quitter. Not by a long shot.

I mean, if I was a smoker and needed to quit, that would be one thing. But Colton? Never.

Just because two people in a movie couldn’t make it work didn’t mean we would be like that. I wasn’t giving up on us just yet.

Then, the next week, he dropped a new bomb on me: He got a job.

I was more surprised than anyone else.

I’d gone to pick him up from school and Mrs. Neely dropped the bomb on me, explaining the situation and asking if I would mind driving him to work after our last class of the day.

Apparently, on the night of our visit to the museum on Valentine’s, Colton had spoken with the curator and there was an internship open that my boyfriend agreed to. Just like that. On the spot. His PEERS teacher had been talking about jobs and Colton didn’t see a problem with it. It was exactly what he loved to do.

Of course, he talked it over with his parents, but not with me. And I hated that, but there was nothing I could do about it. It’s not that he didn’t care or didn’t think of me. I am of the opinion that he had always discussed things with them and that was how it went. He respected his parents and they were the final word over every decision he’d ever made.

I didn’t think driving him to and from work would be something my parents would be okay with. Going in and out of the city that much wouldn’t sit well with my dad.

In the end, it wasn’t going to work out for me to do it, so Mrs. Neely started picking him up every day after school. That meant we had less time together, one-on-one, because the few minutes we had in the car to and from school had always been our special time. And lunch didn’t count. Neither did English. I wanted to be alone with him.

After he started his internship, we only saw each other in the morning on the drive there and at our lockers. By the time he got home at night, with his new schedule, he was finding it hard to adapt to the changes in his routine and I learned very quickly I needed to stop pushing the issue. He was getting irritable more easily and instead of letting my feelings get hurt, I did something entirely different.

I started babysitting again.

I’m not sure why I did it, really. Maybe not being able to see Colton as much was making me feel lonely. Maybe I just needed to prove to myself that I could find an interest in other things outside of him. My mom had made remarks a few times that maybe I should spend more time with my other friends or find a hobby. Instead, I chose the job. It was probably stupid to do, but I hadn’t babysat the twins much since we’d started dating and it was easy money after school.

It gave me time to clear my head when I got anxious about our relationship. I knew every morning I would get to see him. We just had to bide our time until then. Being busy helped the time go faster. Phone calls to friends worked, but hanging out with a couple only made me miss him more.

He’d made friends with a few other interns and would speak of them from time to time, but we’d never met because he was so busy. The additional socialization added extra stress to his already full schedule of art and school, along with his PEERS classes and me. But I was seeing some changes in him for the better and it made all of it seem worth it.