Puddle Jumping(20)

And for the first time, I wished I was too.





The ride home was torturous.

In most relationships, you can say to the person: Who was that? How long have you been talking to her? Do you want to be with her?

That just wasn’t the case with us, and it was killing me not to be able to address what was making me feel so horrible inside.

He held my hand. He talked art and answered his parents’ questions with an unusual amount of excitement. I was trying my hardest not to cry, but it was out of character for him to be so vocal and my only thought was Talia’s presence had made him that way.

When we arrived back at their house, he got straight out of the car and headed inside. Even though my heart was breaking, I started to follow him. But Mrs. Neely stopped me before I made it to the door, asking if we could chat.

Now, my first thought was Colton had somehow slipped that he’d been all over my bunny slopes and she would be mad and tell me we needed to only visit with supervision. My head was spinning all over the place with misplaced anxiety and the fresh pictures in my head of Talia, so tears were welling in my eyes as she led me to the side of the house where the porch swing was and took my hand to sit me down.

What I didn’t expect was for her pat my hand softly and sigh before she wiped one of my tears away.

“Are you okay?”

She asked it like she really cared and I could only nod because I was afraid using my voice would cause me to start wailing like a psycho. Apparently she didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have, either. I’m a terrible actress.

“I should have told you that she was coming. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it affecting you.” Her eyes were soft, like she meant it. “You’re so good with him. To him. He’s grown exponentially over the past few months just by having you around. You should know that.”

“I don’t know if it’s enough.”

She nodded, all-knowing and Gandhi-like.

“Then let me say it for him, since he can’t.” She smiled a little. “Yet.” Thoughtfully, she held my hand tighter, reminding me of her son. “He talks about you all the time.”

Panic hit me pretty hard and I braced myself for the discomfort I was sure to experience when she started talking about my boobs.

“He talks about you to us because he’s not going to talk about you to you. He talks to her online because his teacher suggested it. But that girl is obsessed with Math and Physics. It bores him no end, but he does it because he was told to in order to reach his end goal. The reason she was there tonight was because it was part of his homework to invite her into a social setting.”

“But she’s so pretty,” I finally managed to get out before my voice cracked.

Mrs. Neely’s eyes were shining and she smiled again. “Sure, she’s pretty. But Colton didn’t say one thing about that when she left. He said she was . . . what was it?” She thought for a moment and then giggled. “He said she was unnaturally tall for a girl her age. And that she smelled like chlorine.”

It made me laugh, too, because I could hear him saying it in my head.

She took my chin in her hand and pulled my face up to look at hers. “He painted you. It’s as close as he’ll get to saying how much he cares for you right now. I knew the day you came to play with him all those years ago that you would be good friends, Lilly. It just wasn’t the right time. Everything he lacks, you have. Spirit. A sense of adventure.”

My tears had almost dried before they started up again and I’d nodded thankfully, trying to look away from her but she wouldn’t let me.

“You’re the reason he wanted to go to school. He’s never forgotten you. And he thought he’d see you again if he went.”

It didn’t make sense, really. Coming to school was putting him in the position to be made fun of and be anxious. Why would he do all of that?

“So many times, more than I can count, he’d ask. ‘Where’s Lilly?’ And I’d have to tell him that you were probably at school. Eventually he just asked what school you were in and if he could go, too. Please don’t get upset, but I made sure you were there before I agreed. How could I say no? He’s been in occupational therapy. I paid a lot of money when he was younger to get him into a room with other children to make friends under the watch of a therapist. If you haven’t noticed, he’s much more comfortable with adults. But you? He wanted to find you again. He doesn’t care about what others think about him. Spending time with those other people in his class has been an added bonus. But you’re the reason he continues to go.”

Call me blindsided, but I’d had no idea.

“I was so surprised to see you standing at the pick-up with him on the first day. I thought it would take more than a few hours for him to find you and become friends again. But you’ve always had a good heart, even if you’re clumsier than anyone else in the world. Anywhere. Ever.”

I wanted to laugh but I needed answers. “Is that why you said I couldn’t hang out with him anymore when we were younger?”

Her eyes dropped to where our hands were still joined. “I was seriously afraid you were going to kill yourself on our property . . .”

At that point we both started laughing because it was the truth. Had I been left alone with him any longer, Colton would surely have been present at my funeral.