Protege(61)
Her eyes turned pleading. “Why do you have a paddle?”
Without pulling his gaze from hers he said, “Because you broke a rule and have to be punished.”
“But I said I was sorry.”
He nodded. “A half apology when you still won’t confess the whole of what you’ve done. I’ll remind you, you were the one who asked for a relationship where the head of the household would take you in hand. I’m only doing what any Dom would do in such a situation. Submissives typically drag out internal punishment. That’s not your job. It’s mine. This will help you accept my forgiveness and move on.”
“I don’t want you to hit me. You said you’d never abuse me.”
“There is a difference between domestic abuse and domestic discipline. You chose this. Do you need your safe word, Collette?”
She shook her head.
“Then let’s continue. Resentment often comes from a sense of inadequacy. Are you feeling inadequate?”
Her body began to tremble. This was all because he wouldn’t share her bed at night. She just wanted to know why.
“I asked you a question, Collette.”
Her jaw locked as her tongue refused to move, her voice not making a single peep.
“Is it a fear of rejection that worries you?” he asked. “We’re almost halfway through our experience and I can assure you we will be finishing our time unless you use your safe word to end it. As far as future relationships are concerned, your application will only be viewable to partners interested in long-term arrangements compatible with your needs. Chances of rejection are minimal and we’ve already received several requests about your preferences.”
Her worry over the paddle sidelined as his words hijacked her focus. “You have?”
His eyes narrowed with satisfaction. He’d tricked her into speaking. “Yes, but we’ll discuss that later. Your preferences haven’t been determined yet, so any requests are irrelevant at this point.”
She wondered who’d asked about her. The one single man she’d met, Brys, seemed very interested in her, always watching and—
Jude snapped his fingers. “Your attention on me, Collette.”
“Sorry, Sir.”
“I’m waiting for you to tell me what caused your upset. We can stand here all day, or perhaps you’d like to put your palms on the chair again.”
Her eyes widened as the trembling turned into tiny quaking jolts. “I . . .” His eyes watched her intently as emotion stirred and bloomed inside her. “I was mad at you.”
“Why?”
“Because . . .” Her vision blurred and she blinked rapidly, hating her display of emotion. “You shut me out at night.”
His expression slowly softened as he comprehended her issue. Expression gentle, he said, “It’s not uncommon for D/s couples to have separate rooms. Some subs appreciate the space and privacy.”
She did too, sometimes, but not all the time, and why did he have to lock the door? A tear tripped past her lashes before she could wipe it away, and he frowned.
“Collette, allowing moments of absence provides us time to reflect and decompress. It isn’t a punishment.”
“I know, but sometimes I want to go to you and I can’t because the door’s always locked and I don’t feel welcome.”
In the silence, she worried he might be thinking, you’re not.
Her feelings, exposed and raw, became more vulnerable the longer he didn’t deny her accusation. Finally, he whispered, “In time, perhaps another man would open doors, but I’m not that man and we don’t have that sort of time. You can’t rush a privilege that takes more than the right setting, peach. I’m sorry. The door remains closed.”
And that was why he was on her shit list. Stifling her emotions, she raised her chin. “Well, now you know how it makes me feel. I don’t like it.” She wanted to make a snarky comment about the right man to see if he reacted, but she lacked the courage to poke the bear—still holding a paddle in his paw.
“While I’m very glad you’ve shared your feelings and I’m sorry I can’t correct what’s bothering you, I still regret that you acted out without communicating your emotions honestly from the start.”
She scowled at him. “What?”
“Your tone, Ms. Banks. It’s what got you here in the first place.”
Taking a step back, she continued to scowl. “I told you why I was upset. I went back to finish the exercise, but you made me come here. I stood hunched over on that chair for almost twenty minutes—”
“And you are still speaking to me in a disrespectful tone.”
Her mouth snapped shut.
“I won’t allow it, Collette. Not from a colleague, a friend, and especially not my submissive. I don’t take that tone with you, nor do I vent my emotions without giving you the opportunity to listen and talk through a situation. These are crucial practices you must learn to control. And because you are my protégé, it’s my responsibility to teach you.”
“By spanking me?”
“The spanking is the punishment. The lesson comes each time you struggle to sit comfortably, a not-so-gentle reminder of this conversation. You’ve disrespected your Dom, and there will always be a consequence for that. A sub who lacks respect lacks a partner; remember that the next time you want to storm off and throw a fit.”