Proposing to Preston (The Winslow Brothers, #2)(63)
After telling Jax that she wasn’t feeling well, Elise had spent most of Sunday in her room, crying about what Preston was probably doing with Beth and hating herself for waiting so long to ask him for another chance. She thought hard to remember if she’d seen an engagement ring on Beth’s hand, but she couldn’t recall. Two things were for certain: first, with the papers all drawn up and ready to go, Preston was certainly eager to get a divorce, and second, Beth appeared more than happy to take Elise’s place as the next Mrs. Winslow.
She narrowed her eyes, whipping the covers off her body, and reminded herself that until they signed those papers she was still Preston’s wife, regardless of Beth.
Crossing the guest room purposefully, she flung open the closet doors and pulled out a new dress that she’d bought to impress Preston. Likely something Beth would choose, it was a tailored, coral-colored Escada power suit with a peplum skirt that looked both elegant and trendy while still managing to be flirty. Checking the time, she had over an hour to do her hair and makeup and choose a pair of matching shoes and— Holding the suit in front of her body and staring at herself in the mirror, she was distracted by the sight of her favorite jeans slung over the back of a chair behind her. She’d worn them around her room yesterday and they looked worn-in and comfortable. In fact, they were the same ones she’d worn all the time when she lived in New York, when she’d fallen in love with Preston and he’d fallen in love with her.
She considered the suit for another moment before hanging it back up.
Tugging on the jeans, she plucked a sky-blue T-shirt from her bureau and pulled it over her head. While the rest of her figure had slimmed down, her breasts had remained stubbornly voluptuous, and the words “Keep Calm and Carry On” stretched across her chest, the little white crown a beacon at the valley of her breasts. She pulled her hair into a ponytail, securing it at the nape of her neck with a simple tortoise-shell barrette, and eschewed her usual makeup for a little mascara and a swipe of strawberry Chapstick.
Looking in the mirror again, she almost didn’t recognize herself. She looked awfully young and worried, but she also looked like her real self after playacting at “Hollywood Elise” for two years. She wasn’t wearing sunglasses or designer clothes or a shopping bag full of Sephora on her face. She didn’t look sophisticated or polished. In fact, she looked like a farm girl who had decided to stop playing dress-up…and to her immense surprise, it felt so good and so familiar to be casual again, she couldn’t helping smiling at herself. In a strange way, it was a little bit like coming home.
“Hmm,” she breathed softly. Since when was being a farm girl okay with her? Since when was it something she didn’t feel the need to hide or conceal?
Her mother’s voice, so frequently her companion of late, intoned, Maybe since you stopped being so scared of everything.
It was true.
She’d been so scared of leaving home and so scared to stay.
She’d been scared to move to New York City on her own and scared to pass up an opportunity to go to Tisch.
She’d been scared to turn down mediocre parts, and scared to stop waitressing, and scared to get her own apartment, and scared to date Preston, and scared to marry him.
And where had all of that fear landed her?
On a career path she couldn’t stand, living in a city she hated, way too far away from the man she loved. She’d let fear rule her life for years. She’d let fear wreak havoc on her dreams. In a shocking turn of events, fear had turned out to be stronger than ambition.
But not anymore.
Taking a deep breath, she lifted her chin and remembered Preston’s face that afternoon when he walked down the steps of the New York Public Library to find her waiting for him. That look of surprise. Of happiness and relief and…brand new love. He’d loved her so desperately even then. Had she any right to hope that she still had a place in his heart?
“Believe that you do,” she said softly. “Keep believing that you do until he tells you that you don’t. And even then…even then, Elise, hold on.”
She swallowed over the lump in her throat, grabbed her purse and the keys to her rental car and headed downstairs, praying she’d missed Jax. The last thing she wanted to do was drag her producer into her personal life or answer awkward questions about how she knew Preston.
As luck would have it, there were pastries on the kitchen counter and note from Jax saying that she hoped Elise was feeling better, she was leaving for L.A. for the next three days, and she’d be back on Thursday. Elise was to make herself at home, ask the housekeeper for anything she needed and call Jax with any concerns. Grabbing a cup of tea and a croissant for the road, Elise headed to her car.
As she drove into Philadelphia, Elise acknowledged that Preston had every right to be angry with her…and hurt…and cautious. She’d like to think that if she’d been less overwhelmed and more well-rested on that fateful L.A. morning, that she’d never have said such cruel things to Preston, but the reality was that after telling her that he understood and respected her fears, he’d all but demanded that she return to New York when The Awakening was over.
You’re not happy here. I can tell. Come home, Elise. Come home with me.
He’d played into all of her fears, and in retaliation, she’d struck out at him, hurting him deeply, placing the sort of distance between them that she’d regretted almost immediately.