Porn Star(25)

Fortunately, he’s still capable of conversation. “What about you? I’ve only ever seen you in lesbian porn, except for the film we did together.” He avoids eye contact as he mentions our scene, and I wonder if he thinks that’s polite or if it’s because he’s thinking of Raven. It hasn’t been long since they’ve broken up, and I have a strong suspicion that she is to blame for his strange behavior at Vida’s party.

I don’t want Raven in his thoughts, so I decide to sidestep the reference to that scene, and the minute I do I realize he said he’s seen my work. Which shouldn’t be a shock since a lot of people have seen my work, and he is very in tune with what’s going on in the industry.

But, oh my God. He’s watched my work. How has that possibility never crossed my mind, and why do I find that so goddamned hot?

He grins, knowing he’s thrown me off-balance. “So you mentioned maybe doing some more mainstream stuff. Have you decided? Will you go wider?” he asks, a devilish spark in his eyes. “Again, pun intended.”

“Maybe. If I got the right offer.” Innuendo intended.

He leans in and rests his elbows on the table between us. “What would the right offer look like? I’m curious.”

It would look just like you. We’re flirting, and if I were really brave, that’s what I’d say. Or, if I wanted to be a touch more demure, I could say, Make your bid and I’ll tell you if you’re close. It’s not a case of not having the snappy comebacks, because I do.

But even with the teasing banter, I haven’t got a sense of what’s going on between us, or what he intends to happen, or why he’s asked me out, and the uncertainty prompts me to be cautious. “I still haven’t decided what I’m looking for in a P in V shoot. You were right about one thing—even aside from anal, I’d want to feel safe. That’s important to me. I have no problem taking my clothes off and f*cking a stranger, but I’ve got to have complete say in what happens with my body both on and off set.”

“Of course.”

I relax muscles I didn’t know were tense when Logan doesn’t automatically get defensive about my insinuation that there are sets in the business that are not safe, especially for women. Too many times consent gets blurred when the camera turns off and an aroused male doesn’t behave any differently than he did when the record light was on. It’s not a pretty side of the industry, but it’s also nothing new, and, actually, there are many professionals taking strides to change it.

“Other than that…” I consider. “I guess I’d want to feel like I’m doing something important or innovative. The girl-on-girl work that I do is important because the producers I’ve chosen to shoot with are all very pro-feminist and ethnically diverse. They’re bold. They’re progressive.”

He nods. “That’s not always as easy to find in the het environment.”

"No, definitely not.” I cringe inwardly as I realize that venturing into politics on a first date is not the sexiest of moves. I won’t pander or downplay my convictions to impress a guy, but I need to be sensitive to the fact that I’m talking about his world. “I mean, it’s getting better. I think. I hope.”

“I think it is. There’s still work to do,” he says, and I’m relieved that he seems sincere. “There’s always work to do, but I’d like to say I’ve seen a change even in the decade I’ve worked in the industry. I’d like to say I’ve been part of the change, and I want to help move it even further forward. Not just in terms of diversity and safety, but also in terms of artistic quality.”

Artistic quality is not a buzzword I’ve heard from many of the producers I’ve worked with, and it hits me that even though Logan’s films are always on trend, they also have a deeper level to them and tons of visual appeal. “Are you one of those people that misses old-school feature films?”

“Yes. And no. It’s frustrating that anyone with a handheld can make a porno now. There are so many shitty homemade sex scenes, how can a regular Joe Schmo find anything with quality?

“But gonzo isn’t completely terrible,” he says, referring to the style of filming that puts the cinematographer in the production. “There are so many good things about it. The camera angles, the intimacy, the spontaneity—all of those are qualities that have advanced the industry and made it more accessible to the average Internet subscriber. So, what’s missing from today’s porn that should be brought back? Not the production costs. Or the bad acting. Storylines? John Stagliano insists that his films, even though they’re gonzo style, have a story. And they do, but they’re like the movies from the past. The plots are weak and unbelievable, and yes, I know they’re supposed to be fantasies, but tell me, do you know anyone whose fantasy is Debbie Does Dallas?”

He pauses just long enough for me to shake my head. “Exactly. So we need to keep the camera techniques, the intimate filming quality, and the tight budget, and then get better actors and plots.”

I’m transfixed as he talks about this thing he’s obviously so passionate about, and while I’m hanging on every word, I’m also somewhere outside of myself, watching this man who is so nerdy and sexy and nothing at all like the “typical” porn star. He doesn’t even have the look of the traditional film leads. He’s toned but slim, not at all beefy like Rocco Siffredi or Bruce Venture, or hyper-masculine like Manuel Ferrara. Logan’s clean-cut and tattoo-free with his endearingly boyish (and handsome) face, and maybe that’s why he’s such a force right now—because he’s fresh and different and real.