Polaris Rising (Consortium Rebellion, #1)(66)

By the time I was done with cooldown, my legs had picked up a fine tremble that I couldn’t control. I wobbled as I stepped off the treadmill. It was only then that I realized I wasn’t alone. Loch smoothly bench-pressed a bar loaded with weights. A quick calculation proved he was benching over 150 kilograms as easily as if it was the bar alone.

He could bench-press more than two of me without breaking a sweat. No wonder he had no trouble carting me around.

He racked the weight and sat up. “You done?” he asked.

“I should probably do some upper body work but I’m wiped,” I said. “And I need to be able to climb back to the flight deck when the alarm goes off.” Already the stairs were daunting.

Loch put the weights back and wiped down the bench. “I’ll follow you up.” His expression went flat. “I need to get my bag out of your room, since I’m locked out.”

Right, I’d locked him out after he was a jerk at our first meeting with Rhys and before we’d slept together. I rubbed a tired hand over my face. We needed to talk anyway. “Okay,” I said.

The trip upstairs was slow but Loch didn’t rush me or offer to help. I gripped the handrail with white knuckles but I didn’t fall. I pressed a hand to the access panel and the door to my quarters slid open. Loch followed me in.

The door slid closed. I had already half turned to him when he grabbed me and spun me around. The blaster appeared in my hand without conscious thought. He casually knocked it aside then his tongue slid into my mouth and my thoughts scattered.

Several minutes later he pulled back. “If you’re not going to shoot me,” he said, “you might want to put the gun away.”

Oh, this was bad. Bad, bad, bad. I took a large step away from him. He let me go but watched me with predatory stillness. I holstered the blaster, unnerved at how easily he had knocked it aside and distracted me. Even now my body burned for him.

“We need to talk,” I said.

“That’s never a good start.”

“No, probably not,” I said. I sighed. “I thought last night was the last time I’d see you,” I said, opting for honesty. “I figured you would be gone this morning. I don’t mean to offend”—I rushed on when I saw thunderclouds gathering in his expression—“it’s what I expected. In fact, if I’d known you were planning to stick around, I might’ve made a different decision.” I shook my head. The world ended in what-ifs and might-have-beens.

“You wouldn’t have fucked me, is that what you’re saying?” he growled, scowling.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” I said. I shook my head in frustration. “I know how to have one-night stands. I don’t know how to have a relationship. Relationships require a level of trust I’ve never felt comfortable with. As daughter of a High House, no matter how far down the hierarchy, I’ve always been seen as a means to an end rather than a real person.”

His scowl deepened. “You think I fucked you because of your name?”

I hadn’t, not at the time, but I hadn’t been doing much thinking at all. “Did you not?” I challenged. I was a bastard for asking, but now that the possibility was there, I had to know. Tentative hope bloomed. Maybe he really had just seen Ada and not Lady von Hasenberg.

He turned away from me in an explosive move, a caged tiger with nowhere to escape. He turned back, furious. “You’ve tied my hands neatly, haven’t you?” He continued without waiting for my answer, “Deny it and you’ll think I’m lying. Agree and I’m an evil bastard.”

My hope died. I wanted him to deny it, emphatically and unequivocally. He didn’t and it hurt. He’d wormed his way under my skin, past my barriers. I liked him without meaning to—perhaps more than was wise.

“I should’ve seen this coming from a Consortium bitch,” he continued with a sneer. “You only care about your precious House. I’m good enough to fuck but not good enough for anything else. Did you enjoy slumming it with the most wanted man in the ’verse? Because I didn’t hear any complaints while my cock was inside of you.”

Shock and hurt slapped me. My emotional shields snapped up and I retreated into my public persona. I lashed out, wanting to hurt him as much as he was hurting me. “I. Have. Had. Better,” I said, enunciating each word with cold relish. It was a lie, of course, but he would never know. “Get your stuff and get the fuck off of my ship.”

Loch went stone cold, his expression wiped clean. “I said I will go on this trip, and so I will. And I dare you to try to stop me, Lady von Hasenberg,” he said, his voice soft with menace.

The title was a knife to the chest, and I only kept my expression placid through long practice. I very nearly picked up the gauntlet he’d thrown down. But if he didn’t leave soon, I was going to break down in front of him, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. “Very well. Retrieve your stuff and choose a new bunk on deck two.”

Loch stalked into the bedroom and came out a few minutes later carrying his bag. He let himself out without a word or glance.

The world went watery, but I refused to let the tears fall.





Chapter 18




We made the jump to Nu Antliae Dwarf Seven with no signs of Richard. Either he hadn’t caught up to us on APD Zero or he was biding his time, waiting for me to appear in a less populated sector. If it was the latter, then I’d just handed him his golden opportunity.