Playing With Fire (Tangled in Texas, #2)(66)

Both girls blinked, as if I’d just told them aliens had taken over the planet. “Really?” Bobbie Jo asked.

Emily shook her head adamantly. “I didn’t think he was capable of turning down sex. Are you sure he understood what you were offering?”

“Oh, he understood, all right. And he turned me down flat.”

“Well, then it’s his loss. Right, Bobbie Jo?” Emily paused, waiting for a response, but when none came, she elbowed her friend. “Bobbie Jo?”

“Really?” Bobbie Jo said again, clearly still not believing Cowboy shot down a female offering him sex.

I sighed. “Who am I kidding? Obviously, I’m the first girl he’s ever turned down. Whatever. It’s not like I would really know how to please a man like him, anyway.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Bobbie Jo said, her eyes filling with pity. “You don’t have to be embarrassed by your shortcomings in that department. We’ve all been a virgin at some point, Anna. It’s natural to want to—”

“Why is everyone assuming I’m a virgin?”

Emily keeled over with laughter. “Holy shit! You’re not?”

God, I wished I had a hole to crawl into. “You know, just because I don’t look like one of those centerfold girls doesn’t mean I haven’t had offers.” I rose from my chair and grabbed my purse. “Never mind. This whole thing is embarrassing enough without being laughed at.”

Emily looked like a dog that had done something terribly wrong. Her eyes widened as her mouth drooped into a frown. “Oh, Anna. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were this upset. Please don’t go.” Her warm hand captured mine. “I’m probably not the best one to talk to about this stuff. Maybe I should leave and let you talk to Bobbie Jo alone.”

I plopped back down into my chair. “No. It’s not you. I’m the one who should apologize. I guess I’m still a little worked up from my encounter with him last night.” And possibly even more on edge after finding another hostile note with horrid grammar in my mailbox earlier today: Bridges don’t burn theirselves. I shook it off, not allowing the dread to consume me. “I’m letting all my fears and self-doubts control my emotions. I’m sorry.”

Emily shook her head and gave my hand a squeeze. “Sweetie, there’s nothing to forgive. I’m sorry I assumed anything about you. It wasn’t fair.”

“Me, too,” Bobbie Jo said. “And I’m guessing Cowboy made the same assumption?”

I nodded. “Yes, but I told him the truth and he got mad. Then he stormed out. I don’t really know what happened. I thought maybe you two could shed some light on what I did wrong.”

Bobbie Jo huffed out a breath. “Listen to me, Anna. You did nothing wrong. Maybe he was just as surprised as we were and had a bad reaction.”

“Yeah, like a coping mechanism,” Emily agreed. “He’s probably kicking himself in the ass right about now.”

“Well, he’s not the only one,” I told them. “I felt like such a fool for throwing myself at him like I did. Especially after what I went through the first time.”

Bobbie Jo looked puzzled. “You threw yourself at him before last night?”

“No. I meant…the last time I was with a man, the one who took my virginity.” I covered my face with my hands. “Oh, gosh. I swore I was never doing it again.”

“Technically, you aren’t,” Emily said with a grin. “Losing your virginity, I mean.”

“She gets the point,” Bobbie Jo said, rolling her eyes. “I think she meant sex. Right, Anna?”

“Yes, I meant sex. I…don’t like it.”

“What?” Emily shouted, stiffening in her seat. “What the hell do you mean you don’t like sex?”

I put my hand over my heart and felt it beating fast inside my chest. These women were my friends, but I knew it would be hard to tell them what I’d hidden inside me for so long. “I had a bad experience…the first time.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bobbie Jo asked softly.

I nodded, but was reluctant to speak. I’d never mentioned it to anyone else before now. “I went on a few dates with this guy and was afraid he would get frustrated and possibly lose interest if I wasn’t willing to…well, you know.”

“Anna, did he hurt you?” Emily asked, blunt as usual.

Bobbie Jo gave her a sour look.

“It’s okay. I should’ve seen the red flags. He never really seemed to care about what I wanted. Everything was always about him. He chose which restaurant we went to and which movie we watched together. And by the fifth date, when he pressed the issue, I just…well, I didn’t want to be a virgin forever and thought maybe it was better than nothing.”

“No,” Emily said adamantly. “Better than nothing is not good enough.”

“He took advantage of your sweet vulnerability, Anna. No man should ever do that to a woman,” Bobbie Jo added.

Shame trickled throughout my body. “I didn’t enjoy it. Not that I expected to since it was my first time. But I wanted him to stop. He was too rough and was hurting me, but I didn’t say anything. I just wanted the whole encounter to end quickly.” I visibly shuddered and closed my eyes. “I wasn’t aroused. Not really. But he just kept poking and stabbing at me. I just lay there until he was finished and finally rolled off me. It was the most humiliating moment of my life.”