Playing It Safe(17)

“What the hell did he say to you?”

“Not much.”

“Julia, cut the shit and tell me what the f*ck happened.”

I put the beer bottle down and lean forward until my elbows are resting on the countertop. “Darren, he’s getting married.”

“Who would be stupid enough to marry that *?”

“Oh, the story gets better.” I pause and look up at my brother, who is staring back at me in shock. “I helped plan his engagement party. As a matter of fact, that’s where I ran into him.”

“Jesus f*cking Christ, Julia,” he mutters under his breath.

“Exactly.”

“So let me get this straight,” he says. “You knew he was getting married and helped plan his engagement party anyway?”

“Do you honestly think that if I knew it was the Aiden, I would have gone along with it? Come on, Darren, give me at least a little bit of credit here. I’m not that much of a glutton for punishment.”

“To be honest with you, I’m not sure.”

My eyes widen in disbelief that he would think that, and I open my mouth to defend myself.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, relax,” he says quickly with his hands up in defense. “I just remember you telling me that he was like the one that got away or some sappy shit like that. So it wouldn’t surprise me if you had taken on the party knowing it was the Aiden.”

“He’s not ‘the one that got away’ for me, Darren.”

“He’s not?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. “Then what’s the problem? Why are you letting it bother you so much?”

What is the problem exactly?

This is getting ridiculous, even for me. When I’ve run into an ex in the past, I usually do one of two things: say a polite hello or run in the opposite direction. But I never let it bother me to the point of distraction like this. I have to wonder if there is possibly more to my unresolved feelings toward Aiden. Because there has to be more to it at this point.

I picture seeing Aiden at the engagement party again in my mind’s eye. And it hits me … the engagement party. Engaged. He’s engaged … to somebody else. Not me. And that’s okay because he’s a jerk. No, the answer is so simple that I almost want to kick myself for not seeing it sooner. He never had any intention of spending his life with me. I was just a pit stop for him, someone in his probably long line of women whom he strung along like a dog on a leash with empty promises of a future that would never come to fruition.

“Come on, Julia,” Darren says. “Why does it bother you?”

“Because,” I answer.


“That’s a child’s answer, Julia.”

I rub the heels of my hands against my eyes in frustration. “When did you become Dr. Phil? Jeez, psychoanalyze much?”

He’s smiling when I drop my hands from my face, still waiting on my answer. “Okay, fine. He’s not the one. He’s more like the unresolved one.”

“Sounds kind of like the same thing to me,” he says.

“Here’s the thing, Darren,” I say, taking a quick breath and lowering my voice. “He told me he was going to marry me one day, that I was his ‘one.’ Then from one day to the next, literally, he up and left me with not much of an explanation. For the longest time I convinced myself that it was because he was afraid to get married and settle down. And somehow I came to terms with that, or at least I thought I did. But the truth of the matter is that he just didn’t want to marry me.”

Darren nods as if he understands.

“What the hell is so wrong with me that he wouldn’t want to marry me?” I ask more to myself than of my brother. And that’s exactly what’s been really plaguing my thoughts since I saw him the other night all happy and in love with Sophia. Why her and not me?

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Darren says. “Did someone say there was something wrong with you? Because if they did, I’ll kick their ass.”

I roll my eyes at my little brother’s attempt at making me feel better. “Nobody said anything, that’s the problem. Why didn’t he want to be with me? Why doesn’t anyone that I date, for that matter, work out? What is so wrong with me?!”

I look down and pretend to concentrate on the condensation forming on the beer bottle. I can’t believe I just confessed all my relationship issues that I’ve been struggling with for years but have been able to bury under the rug to my little brother, of all people. But thanks to seeing Aiden, it’s all been brought back up to the surface and is turning me into quite the crazy person.

Darren reaches across the table and tilts my chin up to look at him. “Hey,” he says. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are one of the most amazing people I know, and I’m lucky to have you as a sister. You just haven’t met your match yet.”

I smile, and he lets go of my chin. Before taking another sip of his beer, he adds, “Plus, my friends won’t shut up about how hot my sister is, so you’ve got that going for you.”

I chuckle and stand up to empty out the rest of my bottle in the sink. As I move past him, something dawns on me. We’ve been in the kitchen for almost fifteen minutes and haven’t heard a peep out of my parents in the other room. I elbow him in the ribs and bring my finger to my lips to shush him before tiptoeing out of the kitchen with Darren trailing behind me. When we reach the end of the short hallway that opens up to the living room, we find the couch empty. But what we hear next coming from the direction of their bedroom will no doubt scar us mentally for the rest of our natural-born lives.