Playing Dirty (Risky Business, #2)(88)

*

When I woke up again, it was still dark, but this time I didn’t panic. I could feel the steady rise and fall of Parker’s chest as he breathed. Ryker was lying on my other side toward the end of the bed, his head resting on my stomach and his arms thrown over my thighs. Both of them appeared to be sound asleep.

It was a slightly odd situation and the memory of what had come before was hazy. I remembered being upset and unreasonably afraid something would happen to them. Somehow I’d gotten them not only in the same room, but into the same bed with me.

Huh.

I trailed my fingers absently through Ryker’s hair. The gauze had left enough of my skin uncovered so I could feel the silky strands. I marveled that they were here, they were alive. All of us were. But how? They’d been tied, strung up, and the men had taken me away—

I shuddered, my mind shying away from remembering.

Everything that had happened was hazy. I stared at the darkened ceiling and tried to remember. Viktor had been torturing Ryker and Parker, electrocuting them, then using the tire iron. Parker had told him about Ryker, then Viktor had begun quizzing me.

The tire iron had branded me—so much pain—and I’d told Viktor I’d slept with both of them, that I loved both of them, and he’d wanted me to choose.

And I’d said Parker.

I’d actually picked one of them, not knowing what was going to happen, if Viktor would kill the man whose name I spoke, or if he’d kill the one that I didn’t. How could I have done that? What kind of person did that make me? Not only had I technically cheated on Ryker, I’d chosen Parker in a life-or-death situation.

Self-loathing and regret filled me. Yet again, I’d sacrificed my dignity because of my complete infatuation with Parker—a man who’d tossed me aside after only one night with me. I loved him—couldn’t seem to stop loving him—but that love was unrequited. He’d said he wanted me, yes, that things would change between us. But they hadn’t, and his silence on love was deafening.

Ryker deserved better, and would no doubt be quick to end things once daylight came. And as for Parker, it was about time I gave up the obsession. It had been nothing more than a one-night stand, though I’d thought I was giving him my heart along with my body. It looked like Ryker meant more to him than I did, which I shouldn’t resent, but I did.

Maybe they’d be friends again. Maybe they’d both blame me for putting them in this untenable situation and find a common ground because of it. It would suck for me, but I’d be glad for them.

The sun slowly rose and I memorized this moment, being with the two men I loved, each in a different way. I loved Ryker as much as I could with a heart that had been taken by another man. If I ever wanted it free to give to someone else, I needed to cut ties with Parker.

But for now, while he was asleep, I could savor being with him one last time.

The room brightened bit by bit, and despite my best intentions to stay awake, I drifted off.

*

They were gone when I woke again, and the crushing disappointment overwhelmed me for a moment. I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting and took a deep breath.

“Are you feeling better?”

A nurse had entered—that’s what had woken me—and I snapped my eyes back open.

“Um, yeah,” I said. “Can I go now?” I was already climbing out of the bed, holding the hospital gown closed with my good hand and searching for my clothes. I’d abruptly decided I wanted to be home alone to lick my wounds in peace.

“Your bloodwork came back clean and we’ve given you a prescription for the ointment you’ll need for your hand,” she said, handing me a sheaf of papers. “You’ll have a scar, that’s for certain, but otherwise you’re fine and free to go.”

I hesitated. “The, uh, the men who were here with me. Are they … all right?” I’d almost asked if she knew where they were but decided at the last second that I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to be tempted to go find them.

She nodded. “We treated the burn on the one man. The other had cracked ribs and a dislocated shoulder. Both had various minor cuts and contusions, but overall they were in good shape. They were discharged as well.”

I swallowed hard and forced a smile, even as I realized Parker and Ryker had left me. Maybe they’d grown tired of my neediness last night. “Thanks. I’ll be out of your hair shortly.”

“Is there someone I can call to come pick you up?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Would you like me to get a wheelchair and wheel you to the entrance?”

So no. “Um, thanks, but no,” I said politely.

The nurse nodded and left. There was soap, toothbrush, and toothpaste in the bathroom and I cleaned up the best I could, finger-combing my hair. I found my clothes and was in the process of trying to fasten my jeans one-handed when the door opened and Ryker walked in.

We stared at each other for a moment, then he realized my predicament and walked toward me.

“Need some help?” he asked. He didn’t wait for a response, reaching forward and fastening the button.

“Thanks,” I said. “I-I thought you’d left. The nurse said you’d been discharged.”

He shook his head. “I got cleaned up, took a shower. That’s all.” He paused. “I wasn’t going to leave you alone.”