Pieces of Summer (A stand-alone novel)(56)

“You were right,” I whisper softly.

“What?” he mumbles, sounding sleepy against me as my grin spreads.

“You’ve definitely gotten better at this.”

His throaty chuckle is muffled against my neck, and I feel the vibrations of it all the way to my core. My heart clenches in my chest, and I stare up at the ceiling, questioning all the possibilities of a better future.

Once upon a time, we were on different ends of this spectrum. I wish I could see a future where this is all works out to be a fairytale ending, but in the end, I know it’s not possible until I’m better. If I’m ever better.

And Chase is the one who deserves better than I can ever give him.

Now I know exactly how he felt all those years ago, and my heart hurts twice as much as it did back then. When a tear slips down my cheek, Chase kisses my neck, still holding onto me.

I guess I can love him while it lasts. I could use just a little light in the darkness for a change. Even if it is selfish.





Chapter 33


CHASE



“You sure you don’t want to just stay in and cook something?” I ask her, bending over to kiss her neck as she slips into a pair of shorts. “Obviously I’m offering to cook, not telling you to cook.”

“Positive. Hate cooking these days,” she says tightly, but her entire body is relaxed against mine.

“I said I’d cook,” I tell her, grinning when her breath hitches just because I’m kissing a path down her neck.

She woke up at two in the morning, terrified, and for the first time ever, I got to chase her nightmares away like she did mine. Okay, so not exactly the same way. Before we ever had sex, she would kiss me and curl against me. Just letting me hold her was enough to stave off the dark shadows in my mind.

Before we ever kissed, she’d hold me to her and run her fingers through my hair while I listened to her voice. I was usually stuck half in the nightmare, unsure of what she was saying, but slowly I’d come out of it, and she’d be talking about something completely random. It almost makes me laugh just thinking back to how easy it was for her to change my life three months a year by simply talking.

She never acted the least bit fazed when I jerked awake and was panicking or screaming as a kid. She never freaked out when I woke up in a cold sweat and clung to her as a teen. She never freaked out when I woke her up and took her as a sixteen-year-old who was desperately losing myself inside her just to forget my reality.

Last night was the first time I’ve ever been her light though. Then we spent the rest of the night getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies. She’s definitely more into it now than when we were kids, and she blew my mind back then. It felt good to blow her mind for once.

The only thing that bothers me is the fact I don’t even know what shadows haunt her dreams.

“You want to talk about what your dream was?” I ask her.

She shifts out of my arms and turns to face me, forcing a smile.

“Not yet. Eventually, but not now.”

Groaning, I turn to follow her out of the room, jogging down the stairs behind her as she goes to grab her purse.

“Mika, you can tell me anything.” The second the words leave my mouth, I regret them, realizing I just took a step back in time instead of being in the present.

She turns to face me with sad eyes. “Twelve years ago, I could have told you everything. And I would have. You were my best friend, Chase. Things changed. Now I can’t just spill my darkest secrets to you. We can’t pick up where we left off as though these past twelve years didn’t happen. It doesn’t work that way.”

She seems like she’s repeating something she’s rehearsed at length with a calm, detached tone I don’t like. Yeah, I realize I forgot momentarily we aren’t the same people we were. But it’s almost as though she’s reminding herself more than she’s reminding me.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” I say on a sigh. “We can take this slow.”

Apparently I have to earn her trust all over again, and I get that.

“Slow,” she repeats while looking down. “It’s not about slowing down, Chase. It’s about enjoying it while it lasts.”

“What does that mean?” I ask her, but before I know it, she’s walking up to me, and my question becomes forgotten when she pulls me down and draw me into a kiss that has me forgetting how to think.

The desperate way she clings to me like I’m going to just disappear takes me back to a time when I was a desperate kid clinging to her and the peace she represented… The hope she offered. She saved my life, and now I feel like she’s drowning but won’t let me save her.

That’s my own fault, even if what I did was to save her back then. I wasn’t around when she needed me because I was too busy pushing her away.

Now I’m in the dark, and she’s not letting me in.

“I still haven’t seen your tat,” I tell her, smiling against her lips.

She smiles back and turns around. I pull her shirt up, grimacing when she immediately covers her stomach, despite the fact I can’t see it from back here. My eyes drop down to the eagle at the small of her back that is flying alone. I trace the lines, feeling a sadness in my chest.

“It looks good. Not as good as it could if I had done it, but it’s nice,” I tell her jokingly to lighten the air.