Pieces of Summer (A stand-alone novel)(46)

More relief comes out in her breath, and I dread the next confession.

“I saw him. He’s not gone.”

Her breath hitches, and she clears her throat like she doesn’t want me to hear her reaction.

“Mika, I know you felt strongly about this man at one time, but don’t let your mind fool you into believing you can pick up where you left off. Emotions… They’re a trigger in your condition.”

This is why I love Dr. Stein. She doesn’t just ask me how does that make you feel even though she probably should.

“I’m not doing that. I wasn’t feeling like there was unfinished business between us,” I lie, but it’s not like I can be honest. She’d have Aidan remove me immediately. “I’ve killed him, married him, had his baby, and killed him some more over the years. The only thing that felt unfinished—still feels unfinished—is the bowling alley, but I don’t know why.”

She starts with the standard questions then, asking me what part feels unfinished. She goes on to ask me how I handle this feeling in a productive manner. And several other probing questions.

Finally, I get to the part I need her help on, because it’s not the bowling alley dilemma.

“I kissed him,” I whisper.

She goes deadly silent.

“He’s started staying over, but he sleeps on the couch. We haven’t had sex, so don’t worry. But I did feel like I had to see him today, and he might be moving to Montgomery.”

Montgomery is too big… There will be too many times. New York City was too hard. Too many times being displayed. Countdowns—so many f*cking countdowns. Too many people talking about being late. I had to wear noise-cancelling headphones with my music cranked up to full blast—one song over and over and over and over…

“Mika, you shouldn’t have moved there so soon. This is a very tricky situation. You’re not ready for a relationship. It takes a strong sense of control at a level you haven’t mastered yet to handle a healthy relationship and your own health at the same time. Have you told him about all your rules and restrictions?”

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I sit down.

“No. He doesn’t even know anything about this part of me or the accident. He still thinks I’m the same girl I was twelve years ago.”

A harsh breath falls between her lips, and I hear her ink pen clicking furiously in the background.

“Why hasn’t your brother addressed this?”

“He’s not here currently, and this started after he left.”

“He left you alone in a new town this early?” she asks in a deceptively calm tone.

“He has a life, Dr. Stein. His sole duty isn’t to me. I’d never, ever allow that. I’d go back to boot camp hell before I let Aidan give up any piece of himself to help me. I’m handling things well.”

“You’re not handling things if you’re in a relationship with a man who isn’t aware of your restrictions and rules. Sex was once a coping mechanism for you, Mika. Just like cutting. Destructive coping mechanisms aren’t healthy and could trigger a relapse into other destructive coping mechanisms. You know this.”

With Chase, sex as a coping mechanism doesn’t sound destructive. I wouldn’t feel disgusted with myself. I’d love every second of it. But that doesn’t mean he would. Being with me means giving up a lot of things that most people overlook or take for granted.

“Mika, I have another patient to see, but I want you to call me soon if possible. Okay? After hours. Call my cell phone and we’ll discuss this more thoroughly. In the meantime, please refrain from seeing him. Maybe the two of you could come see me, and it’s possible we could start building a foundation for a future for you with him if he’s serious about his commitment to you.”

Sheesh. I just started seeing Chase. There’s no way he would drive to New York to meet her, find out I’m bat-shit crazy, and come home to start living by all my restrictions. She has to know that.

“I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow, Dr. Stein.”

“And refrain from seeing him?”

“You know I can’t give definitive answers like that when there are uncontrollable variables involved. It’s against my therapy.”

I feel her smile. “Good answer, Mika.”

Hanging up, I stare at the message on my phone Chase must have sent while I was talking with Dr. Stein.



CHASE: Not sure what just happened, but I’ll come over if you want me to after I finish up here.



ME: Not tonight.



Time to break a habit and deal with the consequences. Hope nothing important gets broken.





Chapter 29


CHASE



MIKA: Not tonight.



I’ve looked at that message for the past two days, waiting on it to magically turn into, yes please. It never does.

Cursing, I lock up my shop, wondering why she hasn’t called me in two days. Or messaged me. It feels like she’s f*cking playing with me, but Mika wouldn’t do that. At least not the Mika I once knew. It’s stupid to believe she’s exactly the same after all these years though.

Pulling up to the bar, I groan, staring ahead and considering my options. Have a beer with Blake or go over to Mika’s house and surprise her so that she’s on the spot and has to tell me what’s going on.