Picking Up the Pieces (Pieces, #2)(22)

Wait, was she intimating that I didn't remember her name because I was too absorbed in thinking about f*cking her? Gross. "Sorry. Yes, this is Stacey and she's been talking to me for the past two hours about, well, everything you could ever possibly think of." I spoke with a smile, but it was tight and I hoped that Lily would see right through it. I studied her intensely, and it clicked. She narrowed her eyes at me, and I felt an instant of fear. She wouldn't screw me over on purpose, would she?

Finally, Lily stretched out her hand. "Hi Stacey, so nice to meet you. And thank you for keeping Max here company for me." As she spoke, Lily poked her fingers into my ribs unnecessarily hard, which caused me to buck forward and wince.

Message received.

"Oh, so you two are . . . ?" Stacey inquired, surprise and disappointment showing on her face.

Worrying that Lily was beginning to feel bad for this harbinger of boredom, I quickly interjected. "Yes, this is my girlfriend Lily. Remember, I told you I was waiting for her."

I shot a quick look to Lily and widened my eyes in an attempt to convey the level of crazy we were dealing with here. This bitch was a stage five clinger if I ever met one. I had told her on at least five occasions that I was meeting my girlfriend, and she had pretended not to hear me every time. I had never quite seen anything like it: such complete dismissal of reality. It would have been impressive had it not terrifyingly reminded me of the plot of Misery.

Anger sparked in Lily’s features as she snapped at me. "No, I absolutely do not remember you mentioning anything like that."

Here we go.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Stacey,” Lily apologized. "Max here is so forgetful sometimes. It's the syphilis."

Yeah, it's the . . . did she just say syphilis?

Stacey looked horrified as Lily continued, leaning in closer to the hyena as though she were imparting highly classified information. "Yeah, I'm actually not his girlfriend. I'm his nurse. His mind is deteriorating so rapidly, I don't even bother to correct him anymore."

"Oh, that's terrible," Stacey drawled as she put a hand to her chest.

Dramatist.

I tightened my grip on Lily's shoulder as a warning. One more comment like that and I would rip off her arm and beat her to death with it.

"I know. And the herpes is only making it worse."

"Okay, well I think that's enough of that. I have a table waiting for us, Nurse Lily. Shall we?" I glared at her as I spoke, wishing horrible things on her: male pattern baldness, impetigo, leprosy.

"Yes, let's," she replied with equal agitation. Then she turned toward Stacey and hugged her. "Thank you so much again. The last time he was left alone in the city, we found him in an abandoned building with no pants. Or underwear." She hissed out the last sentence, leaving the implication of her words hanging heavily in the air.

Stacey's mouth fell open as we marched off. I was as appalled as Stacey, though obviously for different reasons. Lily, however, wore a smug smile on her face.

“Jesus Christ, Lil. Was all that really necessary? What if she blabs that shit to the papers?” We turned around a corner to where the band was setting up. As soon as we were out of Stacey’s line of sight, Lily rounded on me swiftly and punched me in the gut. Hard. I let out a sputtering cough, wheezing from the force of the blow. “Holy f*ck!” I yelled when air returned to my lungs. “What the hell was that for?”

Lily stepped directly into my personal space, a place I was none too keen on having her since she’d assaulted me seconds before. But she was staring at me like she was debating what to do with my body, so I quickly decided that the best defense was a good offense. “Did I tell you that your shirt really brings out the green in your eyes? Because it does. Really.” She was still staring me down, clearly trying to get herself under control before she spoke to me. Shit. Compliments almost always worked.

“You motherf*cker.”

So much for control.

“Tell me you did not drag me away from my friends so that I could save your ass from a woman.” She stopped and awaited my reply. When she didn’t receive one, she continued. “You’re not saying anything. Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I also take back the CrossFit comment. It’s clearly doing wonders. You look beautiful. I didn’t think you could get any more gorgeous, but let me tell you—”

“Max, stop complimenting me for Christ’s sake. It’s cheap and meaningless when you do it to try and fix a situation you f*cked up.”

“But you hit me. Can't we be even?”

“Even? Did you smoke crack earlier today? You told me you had an emergency—”

“I think I said it was sort of an emergency.” She reeled back to hit me again, so I threw my hands out to block her. She had really grown violent over the past few months. “Okay, okay, you’re right. It was a dick move. But, in my defense, did you see that woman?” I shuddered at the memory.

“Yeah, I saw her. What was wrong with her?”

“What was wrong with her? She looked like a Furby.”

Lily’s mouth drew up into a smile, but she quickly repressed it. “Oh, stop. She did not.”

“Now who’s smoking crack? And you hugged her. I’m surprised you didn’t get a rash from her five o’clock shadow.”