Patchwork Paradise(66)

I stared at him. “Is that what you think? I— Okay, I’ve had some trouble letting go, but I don’t think that’s hard to understand. It’s one thing to try and move on, which is what I’m doing, but you what? Want me to forget him?”

“No, of course I don’t. I’d never want you to forget him. It’s just . . . I don’t know. I don’t want to argue about this now.”

“Why not? Let’s just have it all in the open, Thomas. You’re about to leave anyway. You think I’m not letting go of Sam, and you’re what? A poor substitute?”

“I think,” he said calmly, “we’ve come together in very unusual circumstances, and we need a breather to put everything in perspective.”

“I don’t need perspective,” I said. “I know exactly what I want. You and Milo in this beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime house. And yes, sometimes Sam haunts me. Sometimes the past haunts me. If you’re going to hold that against any potential partner, you’re going to have a hard time finding someone. You know what I was thinking when I signed the contract with my lawyer, Thomas? What a gorgeous family home this would be. I wasn’t thinking of turning this into a mausoleum for Sam. He’s gone. He’s dead. No one knows that better than I do.”

Thomas chewed the inside of his cheek, and his eyes were damp. “I love you, Ollie,” he whispered. “So much. That’s part of the problem.”

My throat felt scratchy and dry. “I don’t understand.”

“I know.” Milo began to doze in my arms. “I should put him in the car seat so he can nap on the way home.”

I nodded, feeling numb. “Do you have a bed for him?”

“A travel cot. It’ll do for now.”

“What . . . what happens next?”

Thomas stopped by the front door. “I heard Cleo say she’d babysit next week so we could go on a date. What do you think?”

One week without him? It seemed like eternity, but at least that meant he had hope.

“Sounds good,” I said.

He gave me a wan smile and walked out of the door.





I took Wednesday off because my anxiety was playing havoc with my stomach. Thomas had called last night to ask if I still wanted to go see Liesbeth with Milo and him. Even though it had only been a few days, I already missed them both so much I would’ve agreed to a bout of hot-coal walking.

Thomas arrived right before lunchtime. I was thrilled to the tips of my toes that he used his own key to let himself in. He walked into the living room, smile growing bigger with every step when he saw me waiting for him, curled up on the couch. Leaning upside down over the couch, he gently kissed me. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I breathed back. He was wearing Milo in one of those slings against his chest, and the sight did gooey things to my insides.

“I missed you.”

“Good. I missed you too.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him, and God. God. I wanted this. I wanted him back here. My house was lifeless without their light. “Hey, Milo.” I wiggled my finger, and he grabbed it while giving me a serious look.

“You ready for this afternoon?”

Ready to meet the baby mama? Nope, no, not at all. “Sure.”

Thomas’s eyes danced. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see. She’s nice.”

“Not too nice, I hope,” I grumbled. I’d said it as he turned away to the door, but apparently I’d underestimated his hearing. He stopped and came around the couch. He crouched, hands resting loosely on my knees. Milo waved a fist up and down, then stuck it in his mouth.

“Are you jealous?” he teased, poking my thigh.

I could feel my face go red all the way up to my hairline, and kept my eyes on Milo.

“Ollie?”

“Maybe,” I mumbled and played with a fine little thread coming loose in the baby carrier.

“Aw, love.” Thomas stroked my jaw. “You have no reason to be.”

I nodded.

“You sure you’re okay?”

I looked at Thomas, at this man with his kind eyes and easy smile, who made me feel safe and treasured in a way I never thought I’d have again. We’d gone through some tough times, but here he was, staring at me like I’d hung the moon.

“I’m fine,” I said.

He kissed me and lingered a little, let his tongue touch my lip until I opened for him. He made a soft noise and tilted his head—and then Milo smacked his chest.

“He wants me all to himself,” I said primly. “Don’t you, little boo? Yes, you do. And I don’t blame you. I’m fabulous.”

Thomas laughed softly, and I grinned at him, pleased with myself.

“Do you want some lunch?” I asked.

He glanced at his watch. “Sure, we have an hour or so before we need to leave.” He unstrapped Milo and handed him over to me. Didn’t even think twice about it, like he trusted me to the core with his child. It moved something deep inside me, and my throat tightened. “I’ll just take off my shoes,” he said and disappeared into the hallway.

One of the things Thomas had left behind was Milo’s bouncy chair. I dragged it into the kitchen so I could prepare lunch. I pulled a bunch of grapes from the fridge and rinsed them. “See these? These are grapes, and they’re super yummy. Soon you’ll get to eat some.” I studied one grape and frowned at it. “We’ll probably have to cut it into pieces at first. But won’t that be fun? You’re so lucky, getting to discover all these foods for the first time. These—” I reached into the fridge again “—are strawb—”