Patchwork Paradise(40)

He lifted his head, and I let my hand fall away, smoothing it over his nape, down his muscular back. “What did you do?”

I smiled ruefully. “I hugged his pillow.”

“Oh, Ollie,” he whispered. “I didn’t know. I would’ve hugged the crap out of you.”

That made me laugh. “I know,” I said. “And it’s okay. It got better. It will get better for you too.”

“I don’t think so,” he whispered, and I frowned at him.

“Why not?”

Thomas kept his eyes on the table, and he traced his fingers along a wooden vein, back and forth. “He left because he said I still love you, Ollie. He said he couldn’t be with someone and not come first. Even when I’m trying to be over you, I can’t be. I don’t think I ever will be.”

No point in lying. My heart sprang to life and began to beat at a canter, but I tried not to let it show. Like Cleo said, he was vulnerable and hurting.

I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled lightly. He came to me like it was instinct. Just sank onto the ground until I sat back on my heels and held his entire weight against me. I’d never seen anyone so broken-down before. I wondered if he’d regret letting me see him this way later on. This strong, beautiful man on his knees with me. It was hard to comprehend.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s all going to be fine. You’ll see.” It was a promise. And I intended to keep it.

I could feel when he began to tense a little later, embarrassment settling in. His shoulders curled away from me first, and he wouldn’t look at me, so I ignored the awkwardness, rose to my feet, and pulled him up.

“I’m starving,” I said. “Do you think we can go grab some sandwiches at Bruno’s and go eat them in the park?” He still wouldn’t look at me, but I didn’t mind.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

I didn’t ask him again if he was okay. I chattered about everything and nothing, from Cleo and Imran being good together again to shenanigans at work, to the point that I forgot I was trying to distract him and told him of my plans of taking some time off and going to the US. We were sitting on the same bench as last time, with the view of the castle and the iron suspension bridge below.

His head snapped up. “You’re leaving?”

“What? No, not really. It was, you know, a vague dream.” One that wouldn’t happen if I had to pay for the house. I didn’t tell him about that.

“But you’ve been planning it.”

“Somewhat.” I sighed and put my baguette on the paper bag in my lap. “Imran and Cleo were working things out, and you and Stephen were so happy. I felt like a fifth wheel. I wanted to do something for myself.”

He raised a sardonic eyebrow. “I know how that feels.”

“Yeah, I can see that now. Shame you already took all that time off work. We could’ve gone to the US together.”

His eyes narrowed, and his dark gaze penetrated me. I felt my face go pink and returned my attention to the baguette. It should’ve been very tasty, but I wouldn’t have noticed if it were filled with tofu.

“You and me,” he slowly said. “On vacation together.”

I tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Sure. Why not?” Pretending to bask in the sweet sunshine, I tried not to let his scrutiny thrill me.

“Yeah,” he said after a while. “That would’ve been nice. So you still going?”

“Maybe at some point, but not right now.”

“Why not?”

I realized, money issues aside, I still didn’t want to go. Not alone anyway. “Because you broke up with Stephen. I want to be here for you.” I lowered my voice. “With you.”

He stared at me. His mouth turned up at the corners in a shy smile. He dropped his gaze to the barely touched sandwich in his hands. “Shit, Ollie.” So much for returning us to normalcy. His smile fell away. “I wish you hadn’t seen me like that this morning. I feel bad about that.”

I gripped my sandwich tightly because if I hugged him now, I didn’t think I’d want to stop there. “You’ve seen me cry, haven’t you?” I asked quietly. “You’ve seen me at my lowest. Do you think less of me?”

He stared at me, wide-eyed, and set his lunch aside so he could slip a hand around the back of my neck. “God, Oliver, of course not. I could never. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Then why would I think less of you? You’re human. It was a very human reaction. I’m sorry you were alone for as long as you’ve been. I wish I’d come sooner, before you drank all that booze. I wish I’d been there for you. But I’m here now. I want to be here now.”

He searched my face, dark eyes lifting to mine. Eventually he nodded and drew me into a hug.

“I’m glad you came,” he softly said. I pressed my nose behind his ear, breathed him in.





The next few days I spent more time on the phone with banks than doing any actual work, and tried not to get too upset when the first two turned me down flat. I’d been in my job a long time and earned good money, but I was still just a single income, and even forty-five percent of the house’s worth would slap me upside the head with a twenty-five-year mortgage and a monthly payment I could barely afford. Especially since banks had tightened their rules and required borrowers to have a certain amount of money available after payment of the mortgage.