Own the Wind(53)

I shook my head, she processed the look I knew I had on my face, and she shut her mouth.

I carried on talking.

“You put me in the middle of you and Jason. He did too but he’s dead now, so he can’t right that wrong. You’re alive and you’re doing it again. Don’t.”

I saw her jaw flex.

I kept going. “Jason and you rubbed each other the wrong way. This time, starting right out of the gate, you are makin’ it impossible for Shy to like you, much less eventually be able to forgive you for the stuff coming out of your mouth. You know him, who he is, what he is. You go head-to-head with a brother of Chaos MC, you won’t come away unscathed one way or another. Don’t do that either.”

I watched her swallow then kept right on talking.

“He means something to me, you already know that, but what he means to me has changed. The reason you don’t know how it’s changed is demonstrated precisely with how you charged in today and behaved.”

“Right,” she hissed.

I ignored that and kept going. “If you’ll calm down, we’ll plan a time when we can talk like adults about what went down with Shy and me. Once we do that, it’s up to you to decide if you feel me or if you feel I’m making a mistake.”

I gave that a moment to sink in and when Nat made no response I kept right on going.

“You also gotta be you, so be you and tell me then, rationally and without being a pain in the ass, why you feel that way. But I expect you to respect my decision, since I’ll warn you now you won’t change my mind. I’ll also expect you to suck it up and get along with my man instead of putting me in the middle. You pull that crap on me again, Nat, like last time, you know you’re gonna lose. And this is not because I don’t adore you. You’ve never had a man”—I powered through her flinch—“when you do, you’ll get it. If you have a partner who grows to mean the world to you, I’m sorry, girl, but he’ll win every time. The thing you gotta get is, a sister’s any sister at all, she stands by her sister’s side or takes her back no matter how she feels about her sister’s man or the shit that goes down between her sister and that man. You have got to learn that but learn it now. I’m not going through that bullshit again.”

I watched her pull in breath and her eyes slid away.

“Nat,” I called quietly, “look at me.”

Her eyes slid back to me.

“You have got to pull yourself together,” I whispered, her shoulders went straight and I lifted a hand. “Hear me out.”

She stared at me, her eyes slid to Shy then they came back to me, and she jerked up her chin.

I took her invitation but kept at it gently.

“You’re in free fall, Natalie, and you know it. You have been since high school. Right now, I’m telling you and I want you to listen to me, you need to reach out and catch hold of the hand I’m extending and let me help you pull yourself out.”

“I’m cool,” she returned, and I shook my head.

“You’re coked to the gills. That doesn’t indicate cool to me.”

“It’s recreational,” she spat.

“Recreational?” I asked. “Coked to the gills at ten in the morning?”

“I’ve got it under control,” she retorted.

“Jeez, Nat!” I threw up my hands, suddenly exasperated. “Listen to yourself! They all say that!”

“I live my life the way I wanna live my life and you live your life jumpin’ from man to man ’cause you can’t seem to live your life without clutchin’ on to some dick that makes you feel complete. Your dad ruined you, controlling your every move, so now you can’t exist without findin’ some guy who will do the same.”

“Tabby, I’m losin’ patience,” Shy warned in a low voice, as I suspected he would when she pulled Dad into it. Something, incidentally, I didn’t much like either.

“Nat, that isn’t true and you know it, but I’ll point out you’re turning the focus on me so we won’t focus on you.”

“It’s my life, under my control,” she fired back.

“I’m Chaos,” I reminded her. “We were at that party and you know that I know that those dudes were not good dudes. I had to climb out a freaking window, they flipped me so bad.”

“They’re fun to party with,” she returned.

“Booze, drugs, and stockpiles of firearms right out on display for all to see is not a good combination, and you don’t have to have a college degree to know that’s just the God’s-honest truth,” I shot back.

“Oh—” she leaned back, waving a hand out in front of her in a wide sweep—“now you’re better than me because you got your degree?”

I shook my head and looked to Shy, wanting to find a hint of calm so I could keep dealing with her. From all appearances, I was looking in the wrong direction. Shy looked happy to rip her head off.

No help there.

Crap.

I looked back at Natalie and pulled in a calming breath.

Then I said softly, “I’m with you, thick and thin. I’ve proved it. I’ll keep doing it. You’re a beautiful person, Natalie, you deserve better. But the person who has to believe that is you. No one can give it to you, especially if you won’t let them. Stop doing this to yourself, realize your beauty, quit treating your body like shit, hanging with people that could get you in trouble or worse, and find your better.”