Overtime(157)

“And you are! Just at a different stage of his life. The part I’d rather be in because, let’s be honest, you two wouldn’t be together if you were trying to help him through his issues, Kacey. So you didn’t get your way. Who cares? You’re gonna throw away a love you’ve been praying for and begging to come your way because you are being selfish and insane, just because you weren’t the one to push him along in rehab?”

Kacey paused, leaning on her hand as she repeated the words Lacey had just said. In her head, it didn’t sound that bad or selfish, but hearing it from Lacey didn’t sit well. “When you say it like that, it sounds bad.”

“Because it is bad!” she yelled and Kacey rolled her eyes. “You are being dumb and childish and, yeah, I get that he was sort of wrong for not telling you about Natasha. But Kacey, he finally got you back, he was happy, and I believe wholeheartedly that he didn’t think about it. His main focus is you.”

“I just don’t get why he wanted her to help.”

“Because maybe she didn’t matter and it was easy to confide in someone he knew meant nothing to him rather than admit his issues, his problems, and his fears to someone he loved. Like you, he is very prideful and, Kacey, he doesn’t want to show you his weakness. He wants you to see him as this strong, amazing man who could take on the world, or better yet, addiction.”

Lacey was right, but Kacey’s heart still hurt. Or her pride. One of the two. “It just makes me so mad, so hurt. I feel like I did before, when I didn’t feel like I was enough.”

“If you weren’t enough, why would he have gone through hell and back when other people say f*ck it and turn back to their addiction? No, he fought and still is fighting just to be the man you want. Kacey, he loves you.”

And she loved him. So why was she letting this rejection, this hurt, just drown her? She felt like she wasn’t enough to help him, and she knew that was dumb. She knew that Lacey was right, hell, that even Jordie had been right. But she’d let her pride get in the way. She just didn’t want to be second best to some porn star; she wanted to be first. She wanted to be his salvation.

But now all she had done was drive a wedge between them.

The last thing they needed.

They had been through so much pain, so much heartache, so many things that caused soul-deep fear, but they’d come out on top. Together. But what if she had done what he did in the beginning and had pushed him away?

“You didn’t, Kacey. Really. Don’t you see that he isn’t going anywhere?” Lacey asked softly, and she hadn’t realized that she’d said it out loud. “I don’t think you know how much you mean to him, and this little fight won’t break you two up. He’d fight you tooth and nail before he lets you get away.”

She smiled but then pressed her lips together. “I need to call him, but he threw it in my face that he could go drink since I apparently think he is the man he used to be.”

“Oh my God, you two are insane. Really,” she groaned.

“Do you think he would do that?”

“What do you think?”

“No,” she said confidently.

“Then shut up and call him and apologize. He doesn’t need this crap, and neither do you,” she said sternly and Kacey couldn’t agree more.

Before she could say that though, Lacey hung up on her, frustrated. Kacey wanted to be mad that she’d taken Jordie’s side, but the more she thought about it, the more she knew she was being an idiot.

But instead of calling him, she stared at her phone. She didn’t like admitting when she was wrong, but it was obvious she’d overreacted. The whole thing was such a sore spot for her. For so long, she’d wanted to be the one to fix him, but this other bitch had, and that wasn’t fair. She loved him more than anyone, she knew him, and as soon as she thought it through, she realized how selfish and repulsive it sounded. She wasn’t that person, she was the person who wanted Jordie to succeed. And if someone else helped him do it, oh well. At least she knew in her heart that she would have loved him through it.

But you’re the one he’s with, she said to herself.

So why did it matter? Why did she allow this girl to come in and f*ck with her mind? Because she was insecure about the whole thing. She wasn’t enough for him hold on to before, so why would he now later in life? Was love enough? She wanted to believe so, but she’d been waiting for that damn other shoe to drop. He was too good to be true now. He was everything she wanted, and she didn’t want anyone to experience him like she did. Knowing that Natasha probably had really dug a thorn in her side.

But she couldn’t be jealous and happy at the same time.

She had to pick one, she had to let go of her issues with whom he allowed to help him through rehab, their past, and really trust their love. She was the one he chose to change for, she was the one he rushed to move in with, to get pregnant, and to marry. So why did anyone else matter? All that mattered was them, but yet, she had let her ego take over.

And because of that, she had to apologize.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she hit her messages and then his name.

Kacey: Come home, please.

Jordie: Already am. Watching as you go back and forth with yourself when you know you just want to let go of this stupid pride and anger and tell me you love me.

At that moment, she felt him behind her, yet she didn’t turn.