Only You (Adair Family #5)(91)

Monroe turned her head, her hair tickling my chest as she looked up at me. “Are you scared, Brodan?”

The fear tightened like a fist around my throat, and I could only nod.

“Me too,” she admitted.

Then she moved in my arms, turning to straddle me. Cupping my nape in her hands, she whispered, “I want to hold on, though. Will you hold on with me?”

In answer, I wrapped my arms around and pulled her close, burying my face in the crook of her neck. I’d hold on for fucking forever now. That’s not what terrified me. What terrified me was what happened if she slipped from my hold or was yanked away from me by forces stronger than my grip?

Fuck.

I took a calming breath, reminding myself that it was that kind of thinking that cost us eighteen years together.

We had to take one day at a time.

One day at a time.

And maybe, I’d eventually settle into the feeling of being genuinely happy for the first time in my life.





33





Monroe





Guilt and shame kicked my arse all the way down the street as I walked to meet Sloane at a café in the neighboring village of Golspie. Although we’d texted, we hadn’t seen each other since the holidays, and we wanted to catch up without the nosy ears and eyes of Ardnoch watching. Plus, Flora’s was always so busy on Saturdays, it made it hard to get a table.

Brodan was in research mode for the day, and Sloane had the afternoon off. This proved to be a rarity between Callie, the housekeeping job at the castle, and the side gig of baking and selling cakes. Today, however, Callie was spending the afternoon again with Lewis. Thane and Regan were taking the kids for lunch and shopping in Inverness.

Which meant Sloane was free.

And I was glad, because I desperately needed someone to talk to.

This morning, hours after I’d asked Brodan to hold on to me and promised him the same in return, I’d opened my personal email to find I’d been selected for an interview for a teaching job in the Lowlands. Near Edinburgh.

A frightened part of me wanted to go to the interview. But in doing so, wouldn’t it make me just as bad as Brodan when we were kids? I’d be running from him like he’d run from me.

The difference was, I never treated Brodan poorly when we were teens. When he returned to Ardnoch, he’d shown me a side of him that I didn’t like. I knew now he didn’t like that side of himself either, but I’d be going on pure faith that he’d never treat me like that again. Or that he wouldn’t one day give in to his fear and leave me behind.

Everything was wonderful now between us, but the rest of the world hadn’t intruded yet. No one knew we were dating, but as soon as that hit the news, my face would be plastered all over the internet. My anonymity—a precious thing I did not take for granted—would be lost. It didn’t matter if Brodan had retired from acting. He was Hollywood royalty now. His name was on a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I thought I’d figured this all out, but the interview invitation confused me all over again.

Mind whirring, heart thumping, and stomach roiling, I felt a headache coming on as I pushed into the quiet café down a village side street. A few other people were in for a cup of tea, but I spotted Sloane at a table in the corner, away from prying ears.

She stood up to hug me, and I gave her a tight squeeze back. “How are you?”

“A little tired,” Sloane answered, and I noted the dark circles under her eyes.

“You’re working too hard.”

Shrugging, she sighed. “I have to. I can’t stay on the estate forever. It would be nice to give Callie a real home.”

Concern filled me because if I couldn’t afford a place by myself in Ardnoch on a teacher’s salary, how was Sloane supposed to with the money she made? As if she read my thoughts, she said, “I’m hoping if I build up enough business with my baking, between that and housekeeping, I’ll have enough for rent.”

“And in the meantime, you’ll work yourself into the ground?”

“What can I get you, ladies?” asked the server, a woman around my age.

We ordered and once she was gone, I lectured like a big sister. “You’ll be no use to Callie if you exhaust yourself to the point you make yourself sick.”

Sloane gave me a weary smile. “I know. I just … I want to make it work for us here. I don’t want us to be scrimping and saving all the time.”

“You will make it work … but you have to take care of yourself too.”

“Okay. I promise I will try.”

“Good. Then I can stop lecturing you.”

“It’s nice you care enough to want to.”

We shared a warm look and then I launched right into it. “I need advice.”

“From me?” Sloane pressed a hand to her chest. “From this disorganized mess you see before you?”

Chuckling, I nodded. “I could really use a sounding board.”

“Okay. Then tell me all the things, and I will try to be helpful.”

“First, I need to give you a bit more background on me and Brodan.” I told her our story and explained as much as I could about our friendship and love for each other as teens, without going into too much detail. I told her how it ended and what he was like when he came back into my life. Then I explained about the interview and how I didn’t know if I should go for it. “Brodan’s like a different man to how he was when he first came back. He seems committed to Ardnoch, to me. He’s confided things I know he hasn’t told anyone else. And he’s told me he loves me.”