One True Loves(60)

He is silhouetted by the streetlights in the parking lot. His body, in a heavy jacket and relaxed pants, fills the glass.

I unlock the door and let him in.

He grabs me, not just with his arms, but with his whole body, as if he needs all of me, as if he can’t bear another minute apart.

And then he kisses me.

If loving them both makes me a bad person, I think I’m just a bad person then.

“So . . . Maine?” I say, smiling.

“Maine,” Jesse says, nodding once in agreement.

“All right,” I say. “Let me just grab my purse. Actually, we can both go out this way. My car’s in the back.”

“It’s OK, I’ll drive us.”

I give him a skeptical look. Jesse waves me off. “C’mon. Grab your stuff. I’ll meet you in the car.”

I go back and get my purse, then lock up the store and get into his car. All despite the fact that he shouldn’t be driving.

Sometimes I worry Jesse could lead me into hell and I’d follow along, naively saying things like, “Is it getting hot to you?” and believing him when he told me it was fine.

“We have to stop at my parents’,” I say when we’re on the road. “I need to get some clothes.”

“Of course,” Jesse says. “Next stop, the Blairs’.”

When we pull into their driveway, I can tell just by what lights are on that everyone is over at Marie and Mike’s.

Jesse and I head into my parents’ house to grab my things, and I warn him we’ll have to say good-bye to everyone over at Marie’s.

“That’s fine,” he says as I unlock the front door. “How far away is Marie’s?”

“No, that’s Marie’s,” I say, pointing to her house.

Jesse laughs. “Wow,” he says. I watch as he looks at the distance between Marie’s house and my parents’. “The Booksellers’ Daughter strikes again.”

It has been so long since someone called her that. It’s become moot, for a lot of reasons.

Jesse turns and looks at me. “But I guess you’re more of a Booksellers’ Daughter than we thought, huh?”

I smile, unsure if he means this kindly or not. “A bit more, maybe,” I say.

Once we’re in the house, I bound up the stairs heading to my old room, but when I turn around behind me, I notice Jesse is still in the entryway, staring.

“You OK?” I ask.

He snaps out of it, shaking his head. “Yeah, totally. Sorry. I’ll wait here while you get your stuff.”

I get my bag and gather the things I’ve left on the bathroom sink.

When I come back down, Jesse is again lost in thought. “It’s weird to see that some things look exactly the same way they did before.”

“I bet,” I say as I make my way to his side.

“It’s like some things went on without me and other things paused the moment I left,” he says as we head out the front door. “I mean, I know that’s not true. But all your family got was a new TV. Everything else looks exactly the same. Even that weird cat painting. It’s in the exact same place.”

Sam and I picked out Mozart because he looks exactly like the gray cat in the painting above one of my parents’ love seats.

I never would have even considered getting a cat without Sam. But now I’m a cat person. A few weeks ago, Sam sent me a picture of a cat sitting on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I laughed for, like, fifteen minutes.

I put my things in Jesse’s car and then the two of us start walking over to Marie’s.

“You sure you’re ready to see my family again?” I ask him.

“Of course,” he says with a smile on his face. “They’re my family, too.”

I knock on Marie’s door and I hear commotion.

And then Mike answers the door.

“Emma,” he says, giving me a hug and then moving out of the way for us to come in. “Two times in one day. What a treat. Jesse, nice to see you again,” he says, and puts his hand out. Jesse shakes it. “Pleasure’s mine,” Jesse says.

Jesse and Mike hung out at family gatherings, but there was never a reason to confide in each other anything more than “How’ve you been?” They weren’t close because Marie and I weren’t close. When I think back on it now, it seems best likened to boxing coaches, with Marie and I as the fighters, our husbands pouring water into our mouths and psyching us up to go back in there.

We walk into the dining room to see Marie and my parents. Sophie and Ava have gone to sleep. The moment everyone sees Jesse, they stand up to greet him.

My dad shakes Jesse’s hand heartily and then pulls him in for a hug. “Son, you don’t know how good it feels to set my eyes on you.”

Jesse nods, clearly a bit overwhelmed.

My mom hugs him and then pulls away, holding him out at the end of her arms and squeezing him on the shoulders, and then she shakes her head. “Never been so happy to see a person.”

Marie gives him a sincere and kind hug, catching Jesse off guard.

I watch as Jesse smiles and tries to politely extricate himself from the situation. He is uncomfortable and desperately trying to hide it.

“We just wanted to stop in and say good-bye. We should probably be on our way,” I say.