One To Watch(81)

“I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you,” he replied. “Everyone asks so much from you here. I never wanted that to be me.”

Bea felt a surge of affection for him, how he always went out of his way to be so kind to her. But there was still a question she knew she needed to ask, however painful the answer might be.

“Wyatt, I know we haven’t really talked about, um, why you’ve chosen not to sleep with anyone yet. And obviously that’s personal and entirely your choice. But I do need to know, I guess, whether that’s something you want? With me?”

Wyatt looked down, and Bea felt her stomach clench. She knew he wasn’t like Jefferson, wasn’t leading her on for his own selfish purposes—but if he didn’t want her, while these other three men seemingly did, then she had to know the truth.

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “If you don’t feel that way about me, you can just tell me.”

“It isn’t that,” Wyatt said quickly.

“Then what?” Bea pressed. “Are you worried about having sex for some reason? Believe me, I’ve been there—you know how afraid I’ve been with men. We can work through that together, if that’s what you want.”

“No.” Wyatt shook his head. “I’m not afraid.”

Wyatt had shown her, again and again, that he was her true friend. Bea thought of his mother at lunch, how happy she’d seemed to think her son had finally found love—how upset Wyatt had looked in that moment. And suddenly, it clicked into place: what Wyatt was doing here, why he’d never brought a girl home, why she was so comfortable with him in a way she wasn’t with any of the other men.

“Wyatt, are you gay?”

He looked up in surprise.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she blurted. “I don’t know why I thought it was okay to just say that, I’m being so inappropriate—”

“No, no”—he took her hand—“Bea, I’m not gay.”

“Oh.” Bea nodded. “Oh, okay.”

He sighed and looked out at the fields for a long moment.

“I’ve thought about it. I mean, I always thought, one day, I would meet a girl I’d want to date. And when I never met her, not in high school or college, I thought, okay, well, maybe I like guys? But I never met a guy I wanted to date either. So I figured, when I met the right person one day, I would know. But I never did.”

“And that’s why you came on the show?” Bea prompted. “To see if you could find that person?”

Wyatt nodded. “I watched the show a couple times, and it seemed like romance was just everywhere, you know? Like this was a story about knights and princesses, but in real life—and I thought, I don’t know. Like how sometimes if you’re trying not to get a cold, you take a really big dose of Vitamin C? I thought coming here would be a really big dose of romance, something to jump-start feelings I was sure must be buried inside me. And if I could go on these fairy-tale dates with a girl like you, maybe then I would finally understand this thing that comes so natural for everyone else.”

Bea looked at him sadly. “But you haven’t, have you?”

“No.” He exhaled deeply. “I think I finally have to be honest with myself and admit that all this romance stuff—and sex, and kissing, even—it’s just not for me. When I kissed you, I thought, she’s so pretty, and I like her so much, but this isn’t the way I want to be with her—or with anyone. You know? It just wasn’t the right way.”

He was shaky with nerves, and Bea thought he might even be close to tears.

“All these years,” he said, his voice hoarse, “I’ve felt like I was half a person. Like this part of me that should be there just … wasn’t.”

“Hey.” Bea squeezed his arm. “I don’t think that makes you half a person, not at all. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met, and this is just a piece of who you are, you know? A piece I feel really honored you shared with me, for the record.”

“I just don’t want to disappoint my family,” he sighed. “You saw how much my mom wants me to get married. It kills me that I can’t give that to her.”

“I know our situations are different, but I feel a version of that with my family too,” Bea said softly. “My parents say they’re not disappointed in me, and I believe them, but I know how much they want this for me. And not just them—all my fans, everyone watching this show. I’m terrified I’m going to end up alone and disappoint every single person who’s invested in me finding love. Even though of course I know you can live a totally full life without a relationship—Wyatt, you’re proof of that.”

Wyatt pulled back to look at her, a curious expression on his face.

“What if you and I did find love?”

Bea peered at him, not understanding. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Listen,” Wyatt said, his voice urgent, “this would be only if you want, but you could keep me around—on the show, I mean. And then, if you want to be with one of the other men, then that’s great, Bea. But if you don’t, then I could propose, and you could be with me. Not forever—not really. But for the end of the show, and a little while after.”