One Summer in Paris(34)

The dressing room was larger than her bedroom back home.

She hadn’t been looking forward to this, but now she realized how good it was to no longer be at home, surrounded by reminders of David.

She opened her suitcase and hung up her clothes. The silence unnerved her, so she walked back to the balcony and flung open the doors, letting the noise in. Car horns, shouts, street noise—the general cacophony that was Paris.

She closed her eyes, remembering the first time she’d come here.

Eighteen years old and her life so complicated she couldn’t begin to untangle it. But she had. She’d created the life she’d always wanted and had never thought for a moment that her life would one day be a mess again.

She walked into the bathroom and gulped at the opulence. It was like something from the Palace of Versailles, all mirrors and gilt. She half expected to find Louis XIV lying in the bath.

There were twin basins and she unloaded her toiletries next to one of them.

The mirrors made it possible to see herself from every angle.

She stared at her reflection, noticing the dark smudges under her eyes. Her complexion was sallow, as if she’d been stored in a dark place for six months. Her hair was lank after the journey and she felt hot and tired. Old.

She’d ignored the years, but she saw them now in the fine lines etched into her skin and the streak of silver peeping between blond strands. She thought about Lissa with her perky breasts and dewy, perfect skin and instinctively stood up straighter.

She turned away, knowing she wouldn’t be spending much time in the bathroom. Those mirrors forced reflection in more ways than one. It was tempting to spend her whole time ruminating on the past, but she knew she had to move forward.

It was early afternoon. All she wanted to do was lie down and sleep, but she knew that if she did that she’d never adjust her sleep pattern.

Instead, she unpacked the rest of her clothes, folding them neatly into the drawers.

If David were here, he’d be watching her with one eyebrow arched.

You don’t have to be so obsessively neat, Grace. You’re allowed to leave a jacket on a chair or a shoe on the floor.

It had almost been a joke between them, her inability to have any disorder in the house.

It was a habit that had stayed with her long after her parents had died.

With a soft curse, she dragged open the drawer she’d just filled, pulled out a shirt and flung it on the bed.

Her heart started to beat faster. Her palms itched to pick it up and fold it back to neatness, but instead she reached into the drawer again and this time she flung a scarf.

“You see?” She spoke aloud. “I can let things go if I need to, but what’s the point? What’s so good about living in a mess?”

She stripped off the clothes she’d worn for traveling and dropped them on the floor.

The hotel staff would think she was a madwoman.

She walked into the bathroom and took a shower, washing away all the dirt of the journey.

She’d thought her life was clearly mapped out. Of course David’s still was. He’d simply switched certain parts around, namely her. It was like selling one house and seamlessly buying another without the need to go into rental accommodation first.

Her future, however, was not sorted. Unlike him she didn’t have a lover waiting in the wings.

How did women meet men when they reached her age? She imagined herself filling in an online profile. What would she say about herself?

Predictable, boring, organized.

Or perhaps she’d learn to relish her single status and travel the world alone. She’d read an article on the plane: You Don’t Need a Man to Be Happy.

Grace didn’t need a man. She needed David. Her best friend. But he, apparently, didn’t need her.

What if he and Lissa had a child together? Sophie would have a stepfamily. What if she chose to spend holidays with her dad, Lissa and the new baby? Grace would hover around the edges of her life.

No! She wasn’t going to do that. She wasn’t going to think ahead and make herself miserable.

Fighting her thoughts, she dried her hair, sent a message to both Mimi and Monica, letting them know she’d arrived safely, and then called Sophie.

She was trying hard not to be an intrusive parent, but she needed to hear her daughter’s voice.

“Hi, Mom!” Sophie sounded bubbly and happy. There was the sound of chatter and laughter in the background.

Grace smiled. “Where are you?”

“In a bar. We met a bunch of really fun people. We’re practicing our Spanish.”

A bar? Grace checked her watch to see what time it was in Seville. “You’re having fun?”

“It’s awesome. We went to a great party last night.”

Grace frowned. Sophie had never been a party animal. She’d always been quiet and studious. The only boy she’d ever been interested in was Sam. “Be careful, won’t you?”

“Mom, this is me you’re talking to. I don’t know how to be anything but careful.”

The noise in the background grew louder and Sophie had to shout to be heard.

“I’d better go, Mom. Talk to you soon.”

“Okay! Love you.” Grace hung up, missing David more than ever. She wished she had someone to share the anxiety with.

There was Monica, of course, but her friend worried more than she did.