One Night With You (The Derrings #3)(28)

Jane's face burned even hotter as she recalled the sound of the dress ripping in the garden. And all that had followed.

"Jane?" Lucy demanded, her voice sharp.

Jane squared her shoulders and met Lucy's eyes through the mirror.

"I—" she began, stopping at the weak sound of her voice.

Lucy's eyes rounded. "You didn't!"

Revealing heat swarmed her face.

"You did!"

Jane gave a single, hard nod, all that she could manage.

"Does he know it was you?"

"No." Jane laughed then, a bitter, humorless sound. "Horrible coward, am I not?" She shook her head fiercely. "I couldn't. He would never…" Her voice faded and she glanced at Lucy, willing her to understand, willing her to see that she was not some pathetic creature so desperate for the fleeting affections of a man that she had succumbed to a sordid tryst. It had been more than that. It had been Seth. Only he could make her toss caution to the wind and lose all morals. Lucy sighed softly, rubbing her forehead. "I don't want to see you hurt." Jane opened her mouth to assure her that there was no risk of that, but the words failed her when she realized she couldn't make such a claim. The ache in her chest told her as much. Still, she didn't regret it. She would never regret him. Too much of her life had been spent in a state of longing, wishing, dreaming for the reality of tonight. For Seth.

Well, perhaps she had wished for more. Courtship. Love. Marriage. Children. But she would take what she had been given—the memory of a garden hugged by night. It would be enough. She would make it so.

"I knew what I was doing, Lucy."

With a nod, her friend set to work on the remaining buttons. "I hope so, Jane. You're a good person. You deserve more than what life has handed you."

"So do you."

Lucy smiled, but the smile failed to reach her eyes. "I had all I ever I wanted once. It was enough, it was…" She paused, a faraway look entering her eyes that pinched at Jane's heart because she knew precisely where her friend was, knew who filled her heart, her head, her very soul.

"I had enough joy for a lifetime," Lucy murmured, blinking rapidly before turning her attention back to Jane's buttons. Finished, she helped Jane step from the gown. A lump formed in Jane's throat at the memory of Lucy's daughter, a sweet-faced little girl that had loved to chatter, loved to laugh… loved life. She had only known Lucy six months before she had lost her husband and daughter to fever—about the same time Jane's marriage had begun to crumble.

Lucy lifted her head, her blue-gray eyes shining moistly. "Everyday I tell myself that I will see her again. If I didn't believe that, I could never go on."

Jane nodded mutely. She'd known pain, emptiness, but not loss in the way Lucy had. Seth had never been hers to lose. And at least he had not died. At least he lived on, breathing in air, even if not beside her.

"Allow me my concern, Jane. You're not one of those frivolous ladies to engage in affairs. You cannot separate your heart from such business."

Jane snatched her black gown from where she left it on a chaise, telling herself Lucy was wrong. Years ago, she had been infatuated with Seth. Tonight was simply an exercise in freedom, a chance to live the dream of her youth.

"It was one time, Lucy. Once does not constitute an affair."

"Oh." Her friend's lips twisted in derision. "That makes me feel better." Jane sighed as she stepped into her dress. "You're such a mother hen." She stilled, cringing at her ill-chosen words.

Lucy's face paled.

"Lucy, I didn't mean—"

"I know." She waved a hand and motioned Jane around. With deft movements, she buttoned her up. "You're a grown woman, Jane. Sometimes I forget not everyone needs my advice. I'm sure you know what you're doing."

"I do." She managed to say in a convincing manner.

"I'll only say this—you should let him know it was you tonight. If you feel so strongly about him, perhaps there could be a future—"

"No," she broke in. Seth would never see her as anything other than sister to the woman who broke his heart.

"Hmm," was all Lucy offered.

Turning around, Jane glanced at the discarded gown, the gold a gleaming reminder of all that had occurred. Sadness welled in her chest as she gazed at the borrowed gown, realizing she would never have need of it again.

Seth stormed into his room, wrenching free of his jacket and tearing his cravat from his neck. The scent of her still filled his senses, playing with his mind, his heart. He stopped hard in the middle of the room and looked about him, jerking his head to the left and right, searching for what he didn't know. It wasn't as if Aurora lurked in the shadows of his chamber, yet his gaze flew about the room like a wild zephyr skipping over the seas.

"Lieutenant," Knightly greeted, emerging from the adjoining room. "You've returned early. Was the lady not up to your expectations?"

Seth stared at his former midshipman, thinking only that Aurora had surpassed every expectation… and wondering how Knightly knew of her. True, there was little the former midshipman didn't know about him. The two had been together for so long, the men knew each other as well as any two souls could.

Seth hadn't treated Knightly as the other commissioned officers did, as though it were his privilege to shine their boots. And although Seth had never expected anything for such courtesy, Knightly had always looked out for him, teaching him how to fight, and not like a gentleman. Lessons that had saved his life on more than one occasion.