Once in a Lifetime(65)

“You’re thinking so hard you’re making me tired.” He stroked a big hand down her back to possessively cup her ass, holding her close. “Sleep.”

She didn’t. Couldn’t.

He made a noise like that of a rumbling lion and rolled her beneath him, pinning her to the mattress.

“What are you doing?” she asked, already breathless.

“Wearing you out so you can sleep.” He kissed her mouth, her chin, her throat, her shoulder. A nipple. And as he headed further south, she gasped and arched, sliding her fingers into his hair. “Omigod.”

“No,” he said. “Just Ben.”

She started to laugh, but then he got creative with his tongue, and she cried out instead.

He made good on his promise. A long time later, they both flopped to the mattress, breathing raggedly, sated, and completely worn out.





When Aubrey woke again, the sun was shining. She slipped from Ben’s arms and stared down at him, still asleep on the bed. He looked relaxed and young. His jaw was rough with stubble, his hair wild from her fingers. And if she wasn’t mistaken, he had a bite mark on his shoulder. She’d marked him. Fair enough, she thought, since he’d indelibly marked her. On the inside…

She’d done the unthinkable and started the slippery fall from lust to love.

Or maybe she’d fallen for him a long time ago…

Either way, big mistake. She began scooping up her clothes, but she was still trembling, little aftershocks of great sex. She stilled for a moment to gather herself, and then felt two warm hands settle on her arms and pull her back against an even warmer chest. And then a mouth brushed her shoulder.

“Pastor Mike?” she murmured.

A soft laugh huffed against her skin, and then he bit her. She laughed, too, but her smile fell away, and, unable to keep it inside any longer, she turned to face him. “Ben, what are we doing?”

“About to have some hot morning sex?” He reached for her, but she stepped back, her knees wobbling so badly she sank into a chair.

“But it’s just sex,” she said, meeting his gaze, trying to be as calm as he always was. “Right?”

He held her gaze but dropped his hands from her. “Aubrey—”

“I need to know, Ben. I need to know because I can’t be in this all by myself. I can’t. I—” God, she was such a hypocrite. She wanted him, like this, just like this. But there was the secret between them, one he didn’t even know about. She covered her face.

“Hey,” he said gently, kneeling beside her chair, placing his hands on her legs. “I thought you wanted it to stay simple, too.”

“I do.” But as he’d pointed out several times, nothing was ever simple with her. “Or I thought I did,” she added.

He held her gaze, but his own was a little hooded now. “I think of you all the time. And I know an awful lot of it is sex—an awful lot,” he said. “But not all.”

Her heart did a funny dance. Either hope, or terror, she wasn’t sure which.

Both, she decided. Definitely both.

“But,” he went on slowly, still holding her gaze prisoner, because he was far braver than she was, “I didn’t need this. I didn’t want this in my life,” he said.

“I know.” She rose abruptly. “I’ve worked hard to keep this just sex—for you, Ben, for your comfort level, so you wouldn’t think I was trying to drag you into a committed relationship.” She turned back and found him standing right there, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re not going to turn into a lapdog, Ben.”



His arms closed around her hard. “No?”

“No. And even though I risk breaking my own no-emotions clause, I care about you,” she admitted. “More than I wanted to. Much more.”

He stared at her as if she’d just told him she was carrying a nuclear bomb.

“It’s supposed to be a compliment,” she said, and backed away. “One you aren’t expected to return. You know that, right?”

“Goddamn it,” he said, and she started at his shocking vehemence, because he never raised his voice. In fact, unless he had his tongue in her mouth, or any of his other body parts entangled with hers, it was difficult to tell what he was feeling.

But she felt his feelings now, loud and clear. Shock. Anger.

Fear.

Sympathy flooded her. He, the guy who was seemingly afraid of nothing, was afraid of her feelings for him. Or maybe he was afraid of what he felt for her.

Not that she blamed him. He’d already given a woman everything he had, and she was gone. “My feelings aren’t meant to be a burden,” she said softly. “But I won’t apologize for them, or take them back.”

He closed his eyes. “I care about you, too, Aubrey, but…”

“But you don’t want to. I get it.” It shouldn’t hurt. At all. “Never mind,” she said. “Subject change.”

“You knew my feelings on this,” he said. “From the beginning.”

“Yeah. Got them loud and clear,” she said.

He studied her for a beat. “Caring about someone means you’re open,” he finally said.

“What are you saying, that you’re not open?”