Once in a Lifetime(28)

Good question. Loaded question. Here felt like…home. Here was where he felt most like himself, but he shrugged. “Maybe I missed it,” he said, testing the waters by saying it out loud.

“Sentimental, Ben? You?”

“You don’t know me,” he said, repeating the words she had said to him. “Or who I am.”

She didn’t smile, but she did nod in acknowledgement. “Is it getting easier?” she asked quietly. “Being here without her?”

He paused. No one ever asked him that. Where he’d been, most people had no idea he’d lost his wife. Only the people here in Lucky Harbor knew it. And the people here tended to tiptoe around the subject, not wanting to upset the grieving widower.

But five years was a long time, and he’d learned that as much as you loved someone, you couldn’t keep her memory alive in your head for five years. Much as you loved someone, her laugh, her smile, her voice…it all faded a little with time. “I’m not on the edge of a cliff, if that’s what you’re asking,” he finally said.

“What are you?”

He shrugged. “Tired, mostly.”

“Given where you’ve been and what you’ve done, I can only imagine,” she said softly.

Uncomfortable with this very real conversation, he turned away and walked the length of the room, pulling out his tape measure. “I bought the wood for the shelving units. I’ll get more for the half wall if you want to go that route.”

“I do,” she said. “I scrubbed the floors, and since I like them scarred, I’m not going to do anything else to them. You’re good at changing the subject, you know that?”

He did know that. She wanted to talk about the past five years, which made her as interested in him as he was in her.

She lifted a shoulder and gestured around her. “A bookstore is my favorite place. It shouldn’t surprise you that I read—a lot. Research a lot. Your last project saved the lives of thousands, providing not only water for farmers and their crops but also giving them a means to keep providing those things on their own for generations to come.”

His brows went up, both surprised and uncomfortable with the close scrutiny. “Are you actually giving me a compliment?”

“Maybe. Just a little bit.”

“Why?”

“Why? What do you mean, why?”

He moved toward her, noting with some amusement that she sucked in a breath but held her own and stood firm.

They bumped. Front to front.

She appeared to stop breathing and tilted her head up, her gaze going to his mouth. “You know why,” she whispered. “Because we’re…attracted to each other.”

“That’s one word for it.” Slowly he lifted a hand, watching her pupils dilate as he reached toward her…

And then past her to the counter, where he flipped open her notebook.

She blinked, whipping around to see what he was after, and went from soft and dreamy to pissed off in the blink of an eye. “Hey—”

“You’ve got someone crossed off,” he said, teasing her. “Should I call the police?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Ha-ha.” She snatched back her notebook. “Maybe you can be a funny carpenter and actually get some work done. I need those shelves, like, yesterday.”

“What else do you need?”

She was at the door already but stopped to turn and look at him. “Excuse me?”

“A minute ago, it seemed like you needed a man.”

“I don’t need anyone,” she said. “But if I did, it’d be someone…sweet,” she said pointedly. “Sweet and…beta.”

“Beta,” he repeated.

“That’s right,” she said. “I’m over alpha men. And you, Ben McDaniel, are as alpha as they come.”

Well, she had him there.





Chapter 10



Two days later, Aubrey pulled up to her mom’s house and checked herself out in the rearview mirror. Pale. Serious.

Stressed.

She put on some shiny lip gloss and then smiled—a big fake smile that didn’t reach her eyes. One could fake anything, she knew, including happiness.

She was a pro at that.

But it was important to her that her mom really believe she was happy. Tammy had been through a lot in life—too much. So keeping the smile in place, Aubrey headed up the walk to her mom’s condo. The evening was chilly but gorgeous. Clear and sharp, without a cloud in the sky. The stars lit her way.

She didn’t even have to knock. With uncanny mom radar, Tammy sensed her daughter coming home to the fold and threw open the front door. “My baby!” she squealed with an ear-to-ear grin, yanking Aubrey in close for a tight hug. “Come in! I’ve got chicken frying, and now that you’re here, I’ll make mac and cheese, too, the way you love it, with the crusty bread crumbs and extra cheese on top.”

Comfort food. Once upon a time, Aubrey had lived for such meals. Until the day she’d gone headfirst into puberty and couldn’t fit into her jeans. After that, she’d secretly starved herself, pretending to eat her mom’s food but really feeding it straight into the trash compactor.

Tammy had often expressed her pleasure at passing her “good metabolism” to her own flesh and blood, but the truth was Aubrey had her father’s metabolism. She had to watch every calorie and work her ass off at the gym for every single indulgence she took. “I’m not hungry, Mom.”