On Dublin Street(77)

Braden tried to make it to Club 39 on Fridays and Saturdays, and that meant Ellie and Adam and whoever else was with them that night, were there too. Braden told me he liked to watch me work, that it was sexy, but Ellie pronounced that he was marking his territory in front of my colleagues and customers.


All I knew was that he was with me as much as he could be and that meant he made he sure he was there a lot. And it didn’t bother me.


In fact, I missed him when he was gone. Our arrangement hadn’t turned out the way I’d expected it to at all—the arrangement actually kind of fell apart. And somewhere along the way, I’d stopped caring as long as it meant I could be with him without any scary questions about the future.


We were in my room, Braden was going over Adam’s drawings for a new development and they were spread out all over my bed. I was at my typewriter working on chapter fifteen of the novel, and I was happy with it so far. In all honesty, I was really excited about where it was going. The characters felt more real than any I’d written before, and I knew it was because they were based on my parents. I was staring at my notes, trying to work out if the line of dialogue I’d written in this scene was appropriate for my main character. The more I thought about it, it didn’t feel true to her and I was trying to think how to change it without changing the point she was attempting to make. I was so lost in thought I didn’t even realize Braden was watching me, so I jumped, startled when he spoke, my heart lodged in my throat at his words, “It’s Jenna and Ed’s wedding next week, and the end of the terms of our arrangement.”


I froze.


I already knew that. I’d been dreading him bringing it up.


***


“Why haven’t you brought it up?” Dr. Pritchard took a sip of water. “The three months are nearly up. Don’t you think you should discuss it?”


I tilted my head to the side. “Don’t you think I’ve come a long way in five months?”


“You’ve definitely opened up, Jocelyn. But I still think you haven’t fully dealt with your family’s passing. You still won’t talk about them.”


“I know you think that. But what I’m saying is that five months ago I had a best friend I knew nothing about and who knew nothing about me. I didn’t like getting involved too deeply in people’s lives, and I was determined to surround myself with casual acquaintances.” I grinned in relieved disbelief. “Ellie and Braden changed all that. Especially Braden. He’s…” I shook my head, still not able to really believe it was true, “He’s my best friend. Three months ago I was determined to just have sex and then end this thing. But he’s a part of me now. He’s in deeper than anyone else, and I have no idea what to expect from that or from the future. I don’t really want to think about it. However, I do know that I’m not ready to lose my best friend again.”


“You should discuss this with him, Joss. He needs to know this.”


I frowned, anxiety gripping me at the thought. “No. No, I’m not doing that. If he wants this to end, then fine, but if it ends, it’ll be easier if only I know the truth.”


Dr. Pritchard sighed. “Why? So you can bury that truth along with all the others?”


You’re such a buzz kill. “You’re such a buzz kill.”


She laughed. “Only because I don’t bury the truth.”


“Always have to have the last word, huh?”


***


I turned slowly to face him. “Yeah, it is.”


Braden pushed the paper off his lap and gave me his entire focus. “How do you feel about it?”


“How do you feel about it?”


His eyes narrowed. “I asked you first.”


I sighed, little ants of uncertainty swarming in my gut. “What are we, five?”


“Well are we?”


I stared into his stubborn eyes. “Braden,” I didn’t even mean for it to come out as a plea, but it did.


His obdurate expression seemed to reinforce itself. “I could answer this one easily, Jocelyn. We know out of the two of us who’s more open here. But I’m not going to. I want, for once, to know how you feel.”


“What do you mean for once,” I snapped. “You get more out of me than most people, buddy.”


He flashed me a quick, cocky, and far too attractive, grin. “I know, babe. Tonight I want more.”


I don’t think he realized it, but right then he’d made his play first. He wanted more. So with some confidence, I shrugged casually and turned back to my typewriter. “I don’t mind if we tear up the agreement.”


He was silent behind me and I waited. Finally, “What if I suggested we stopped pretending we’re f*ck buddies too?”


A slow smile spread across my lips and I was thankful he couldn’t see it. “Yeah,” I answered with a good amount of boredom. “I could work with that.”


Did I mention Braden could move fast?


Papers went flying as he lunged across the bed to grab me by the waist and haul me off my chair onto the mattress. Startled, I laughed up at him as he pressed his body into mine. “When will you quit throwing me around like a ragdoll?”