Off Sides(14)

My door opens and footsteps pad across the floor. The alarm turns off and there is now oppressive silence. My mattress dips down and I know Paula is lying in my bed beside me. I don't move.

"Are you just going to lay here?"

"Yes," I mumble. "And I'd appreciate it if you leave me alone."

Paula is silent for several seconds and then the pillow is ripped off my head and the covers are pulled back.

"Alright. I've had it with you. You are no longer allowed to sulk, pine, mope, pout or glower. You're going to get your ass up and get back on with your life."

I roll over and look at Paula. She is grinning at me, completely unapologetic for her vigorous tactics to get me out of bed. I couldn't help but to smile back at her.

"So how are you feeling, kiddo?"

Flipping in the opposite direction, I roll completely off the bed and stand up. Stretching my arms upward, I give a huge yawn. "I'm fine. Besides, you know I'm really not one to lie around and bemoan anything. It is indeed time for me to move on."

"True dat. I've never met anyone that tries as hard as you do to get past something hurtful."

I grimace at her words. They are true but they make me sound callous. Whenever anything bad has happened to me, I tend to grieve pretty hard but then I tuck it away and try not to look back. That has worked well so far dealing with both of my parents' deaths. Not so well with the loss of my music. And the jury is still out how I am going to let Ryan's brush-off affect me.

Gosh, I so want to just kick my ass right now for falling so easily for that man. I knew better! I have a very specific agenda to complete certain things in my life, and I have no business getting sidetracked. That includes going gooey over a hot hockey player who kisses like Armageddon is just on the other side of the horizon.

"I think I'm going to go for a run this morning. Want to join me?"

Paula snorts at me. No matter how many times I've invited her to run with me or workout, she always has the same answer. "Let's see...running or cigarettes? I choose cigarettes."

Giving her a good eye roll for measure, I head to our tiny bathroom to brush my teeth. It's definitely time to move on.

***



Heading out of my apartment, I see the sun has already risen but it's still quite chilly. The decision to wear my light weight running jacket and long pants is smart. I plan on doing five miles today so I will probably be burning up by the time I get back.

Opening the front door to my building, I'm setting the timer on my watch as I jog down the front steps. Not paying attention to my surroundings, I'm brought up short in surprise when I hear, "Hello, Danny."

My head snaps up and I lock onto Ryan's eyes. Even as I feel anger rush through me, I also have a tremor of excitement over seeing him. I quickly take him in. He’s standing there with his hands tucked into his incredibly well fitting jeans’ pockets. His hair is perfectly mussed and hanging boyishly over his forehead.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

Even as pissed as I am at him, I'm surprised that the words come out as just merely curious and I'm glad. I don't want him to know he affected me the way he did.

Ryan frowns at me and it's clear on his face that he did, in fact, suspect he'd get anger from me. "I was hoping we could talk."

I look up and down my block, considering if I should just bolt forward into my run. But curiosity is getting me. "How long have you been here?"

"Since about 5:30 a.m."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Hard time sleeping?"

"Something like that," he murmurs. "I wanted to talk to you and I didn't want to miss you coming or going as I didn't know if you were working today, so I just decided to camp out."

That's interesting and should be slightly flattering he would do that to make sure he could see me. But I quickly tamp that feeling down. I will not fall back under his spell, I repeat to myself over and over again.

"Look, Ryan...you don't owe me any explanation or anything and frankly, I'm good. There's nothing to really talk about."

Anger flashes through those bourbon colored eyes. Score one for a direct hit.

"Didn't the other night mean anything to you?" he demands.

I cock my head slightly at him because it’s certainly weird that he would be affronted by my lack of interest since he’s the one that didn’t call me as promised. "Didn't it mean anything to you?" I retort.

He runs his hand through his hair in a measure of frustration. Sighing, he whispers, "It meant more to me than even I suspected. That's why I need to talk to you."

Something about the earnestness in his words melts a little bit of the ice. He's not giving me a line and I sense it is important for him to tell me something so he can ease his burden. Why I am taking it upon myself to let him do so remains to be seen.

I sigh. "Fine. Do you want some coffee?"

"Sure. That would be great."

I turn and walk back into my building with Ryan on my heels. He doesn't say anything but that doesn't stop me from being painfully aware of his presence behind me. There’s like a disturbance in the atmosphere when I’m near him.

When I open the door and we walk into the apartment, I take off my jacket and throw it over the back of the couch. He follows me into the kitchen.