Nora Goes Off Script(34)
I hand it to him and he barely reacts, wiping tomato sauce off of Bernadette’s cheek and then carefully rubbing it on the other one. There’s a lot of laughing, and it’s easy, and the future’s rolling out in front of us perfectly.
I sometimes forget life’s not a movie.
* * *
? ? ?
Leo’s on the phone in the tea house for a long time after dinner. The kids do their homework and linger. All of us know something’s off. We busy ourselves with things so we can stay downstairs. I over-clean the kitchen, check and recheck the coffee maker. Arthur’s running lines in a robot’s voice. Bernadette colors in the cover of her notebook.
Leo is someone else when he walks through the back door. His shoes are wet from the lawn and he doesn’t stop to take them off. As if trying to avoid the awful premonition I’m having, I focus on his shoes. They’re black sneakers with a brown rubber sole. They’re the same ones he always wears if he’s not running or wearing flip-flops. I like this about Leo, the fact that as far as I know he only has three pairs of shoes. I like seeing them tucked under the daybed in the tea house. I need these shoes to stay.
“Hey, guys. Can we talk for a minute? I have some big news.” He’s all energy, pacing then sitting down and standing up. The three of us sit and wait; I can’t think of any words. “So that was my agent, Jeremy. Paramount is going to do a big-budget action movie called Mega Man.”
“I love Mega Man,” says Arthur. I hate Mega Man, I think.
“Well, who doesn’t?” He gives Arthur his biggest eyes. “The director wants me for the role. I have to audition, but he’s pretty sure I’m right for it.”
I have words: “That’s exciting. Right, guys?” I’m a mom again. He’s leaving and I’m no longer a person who has sex all day. I’m neither beautiful nor compelling. I am Nora, and I am tumbling down a hill. Leo is going to “Asia,” the mythical place where men go when they’re tired of me. I need to grab my children and move them to safety before I roll into the abyss.
Bernadette’s suspicious. “So what do you have to do?”
“The thing is they’re on a tight schedule and need to get me approved right away.” I almost jump in to explain how these things work, but I decide not to help him. He’s going to have to say it himself. “I’m flying out to L.A. tomorrow morning.”
So there it is. My heart is disintegrating into my intestines. I take a deep breath and look at my beautiful children. I cannot believe I’ve done this to them. I cannot believe I let them get in so deep with this guy, and he’s leaving. We’re 0 for 2.
Arthur shakes his head. “Leo, you can’t go. The play’s in a week. We haven’t even done dress rehearsals.”
Bernadette pipes up, “And I’m playing goalie Saturday against the Vipers.” It’s impossible to look away from the fact that my kids do not think of Leo as just a fun diversion, a houseguest who’s helping with the play. They are counting on him.
Leo stops pacing. “I know, guys, and I can’t believe I’m going to miss all that. But I’ll be back by this time next week, for the last dress rehearsal and the big night. Mrs. Sasaki can totally handle it while I’m gone. Actually, you guys are so good you don’t even need a director at this point. And, Bernie, I’ll be here next weekend when you play Brookeville. You’re going to kill it.”
Arthur’s quiet for a beat, as if deciding something. I wonder if he’s comparing this moment to when Ben left. Ben said he’d be back in a vague way; he never gave an exact time. It’s different, but there’s a sameness too. Finally, he speaks. “Oh okay, that’s cool. Well, good luck with the audition.” He’s trying not to cry, and he wants to leave with the upper hand. He offers Leo his hand to shake. “Thanks for all your help.” Leo pulls him into a hug. Bernadette throws her arms around the two of them. She’s crying.
Leo breaks the hugs and gets right in their faces. “You guys. Hear me. This is a week. And it’s just how my work is. My plans get messed up.”
Arthur takes in a deep breath. “Okay. A week.” They all hug again, and I’m far away, watching this scene unfold.
“All right, you guys, it’s late and tomorrow is huge!” I stretch out my arms to show just how huge tomorrow is and then hug them tight. “Run upstairs and brush teeth.”
I haven’t had a glass of wine and pouring one would give me something to do with my hands. I pull a bottle out of the fridge and start to open it. I need to find that thing that cuts the foil off. I think it’s in the drawer with the carrot scraper but it’s not. I am sure I used it yesterday so I look in the dishwasher, not that you’d ever wash that thing. The dishwasher is mercifully clean, so I start to unload it.
“Stop it,” I hear. He’s opening the bottle and pouring a glass. Just one.
“Thank you,” I manage. My back is to the sink and I hold on to the cold porcelain.
“Listen, you have to understand how important this is to me. This is a huge movie, not a film. I think it’s just the fun, family, normal thing I’ve been needing. It really feels right.”
I notice he’s holding my hand. And I think Ben did too, but I’m not sure. I thought we were just the fun, family, normal thing he needed. I thought this felt right. I suddenly remember what part of the movie we’re in.