Nocturne(62)

If there were to be sides.

If this ever got out of hand.

It’s going to be fine, I told myself. After all, he told me he loved me and he was the one who desperately kissed me on that sidewalk. We were adults in love. We can work through this hiccup, I thought.

I thought.





Gregory


“—And a student that you’ve already dodged rumors about already, at that. Damn it, Gregory, what the hell?” James held his arms out, his face red with anger as we stood on the stairs in front of my house.

He’d met me on the stairs as I returned from chasing Savannah down.

Fuck.

Now James was making me answer for it.

“For God’s sake, James, would you calm down? You’re making a scene.”

“I think you made enough of a scene for both of us, Greg.” He clenched his jaw, and I started to panic just slightly. I’d never seen James so erratic before.

Looking side to side, I lowered my voice to an almost-whisper. “Back up a little for me. Who saw what, exactly?”

“A student of Madeline’s who called her right away …”

As James gave the details about this girl who reported what she thought she saw to Madeline, my mind shifted to Savannah, and the desperation I felt as she fled my house.

Desperation causes people to make mistakes. To fail. There was no room in my life for failure.

“Okay, okay,” I cut him off, waving my hand impatiently. “What do I do to fix this?”

“You cut off all contact with Savannah Marshall. Starting right this second.”

The idea was preposterous. I was helping her with one of her recital pieces. We’d become close on a musicianship level, learning from each other as we practiced our piece together. All of that was secondary, evidenced by the fear rising through my chest. I loved her. I couldn’t simply cut her off.

“That’s irrational, James. I’m helping her with one of her recital pieces.”

“She can find another cellist, James. I know you’d like to think you’re the only one, but you’re not,” James scoffed.

“Won’t that just work to confirm whatever rumors are floating about?” My pulse raced at the thought of never seeing Savannah again.

“It won’t confirm them any more than making out with her in front of the school, Gregory. You’ve worked too hard for too long to let something like a fling with a student ruin everything for you. You could lose your job at the university and cause scandal for the orchestra. Not something either place, or you, need right now.”

I had no other cards to play. No tricks left up my sleeve. Except one.

“I love her.”

“Ha!” James let out a full-throated laugh. “Come on, Greg. You don’t have to lie to me. You don’t love anything but music, and you don’t love anyone but yourself. You’re a good guy, but we both know that relationships have never been a priority for you. Now is not the time to make them one. Especially not one with a student. You need to cut the shit. You’re not in love with her. You’re excited by her. Who wouldn’t be? She’s gorgeous. They’re all gorgeous, and they’re all talented. That’s where it ends. This is where it ends. You need to stop seeing Savannah, starting immediately.”

“I’m a goddamn adult, James. I’ve been in control of my own life for as long as I can remember, and I don’t intend to have you standing on my stairs changing that now.” Panic struck like lightning through my body at the thought of having to end things with Savannah. Whatever it was … it couldn’t end.

James stepped up one stair so we were level. He spoke low and slow into my ear. “You’ll lose everything. Your position at the conservatory, for sure. While you’ll stay in the orchestra, your reputation certainly won’t. Think about it. Is she really worth all of that?”

She is.

“It’s not as simple as that, James.”

“Yes, it is, Gregory—”

“I love her!” My yell scattered a group of pigeons from the sidewalk in front of us.

“If you love her,” James spoke carefully, “then release her from this. Think of how she’ll be seen. Her senior year, as she’s auditioning for symphonies, and she’s fooling around with the principal cellist for the BSO? Come on, Greg, you don’t want that stamp on her head as she starts off, do you?”

I set my hands on my hips and looked down. “Damn it …”

“You’ll both be better off in the long run if you cut this off at the pass. But, you’re already established in the community and she’s not—”

“ I get it, James,” I snapped. After a few seconds, I cleared my throat and nodded. “Okay. I’ll end things with her. Today.”

I had no choice. He was right.

“Just like that, huh?” Out of nowhere, Savannah’s voice forced the full weight of what I’d just said onto my shoulders.

Shifting my gaze to the sidewalk, I found Savannah standing wide-eyed with her arms hanging loosely at her sides. Staring at me. The space between us was filled with words designed to protect both of us from what everyone else would think.

“James,” I asked, never breaking Savannah’s stare, “can you give us a moment?”