Nocturne(18)

“Good afternoon, I’m Gregory Fitzgerald,” I said.

The mother stepped forward. “Susan Donovan,” she said. “This is my husband David, and our son, Robert.”

Robert looked nothing like the couple. She prodded him forward. I felt unsure. Did one speak to a child that age as if they were simply a short adult? Or give orders? My father once told me that I’d never been twelve. Of course, as much as I loved my father, it became clear early on that he had no idea what to make of me.

Short adult then. I reached out a hand, not to the boy’s mother or father, but to him. He couldn’t see the hand of course, so I reached down and took his, gave him a not too firm handshake. I don’t generally shake hands, because men like to engage in stupid games of who can grip harder. My hands were my music. They were my life.

The father spoke. “We’d like to thank you for meeting with us ...”

I cocked my head. “I was under the impression your son was the student, not you?”

David Donovan looked somewhat shocked, and opened his mouth to speak, but his wife was the faster of the two, because she quickly said, “We thought we’d spend a few minutes explaining Robert’s issues—”

“Unnecessary. Robert ... come. The practice room is right over here.”

I put a hand on his shoulder to guide him.

“He doesn’t like to be touched ...” his mother said.

I waved her off, and the kid came willingly enough.

“Have a seat,” I said to him, setting my practice cello in its case against the wall. This was a relatively inexpensive instrument that I kept at the conservatory. The Montagnana was only played for rehearsals and live shows for the symphony.

He put a hand out, and said, “Where’s the chair?”

I was already unsnapping the case for my cello, but I turned and took his hand, then stretched it out so he was touching the back of the chair. Then I turned away.

Gently, I lifted my cello from its case, then took a seat. A moment later he’d found his own seat, and took his out. In the meantime, his irritating parents were pushing at each other, because only one of their heads at a time would fit in the small glass window in the door.

I studied him as he fumbled with his case. He had extensive scarring around his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he’d been in a fire, or what, but he wasn’t born blind. Something had happened to him. Whatever. It wasn’t his eye that mattered. It was his hands, and his ears.

He was awkward with his instrument, a training instrument intended for smaller children. It was in terrible condition, obviously rented. The bow was caked with rosin, the screws and fittings oxidized, and the hair brittle and glazed. The cello itself had multiple scratches. It would take a magician to get a decent sound out of that instrument. I almost felt a fit of rage over the mistreatment of the instrument, as well as whatever shyster had rented it to the boy’s parents. It was typical that a beginning musician would be given an instrument that would be most difficult to play.

“Why do you want to learn cello?” I asked.

Robert just looked confused by the question.

“You’re blind, not mute, correct?”

At that, he recoiled a little. “I can talk.”

“Then tell me why you’re here.”

“My mom ... she … um ...”

“Your mother wanted you to learn? Does she think because you are blind you’ll be some sort of prodigy?”

He flinched, then nodded, just a little.

“And what do you want?”

His face turned away from me, his blank, scarred eyes moving around aimlessly. Then he said, “I want to stop feeling like I’m a freak.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. All right, then.

“Then listen.” I set the bow to my strings and began to play. The same beginner piece I’d played for my useless music theory class a few weeks before. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major. The first music I’d learned on the cello. The music that had transformed my life.

As the notes rang out in that tiny practice room, I watched the boy. I watched his expression. I wanted to see inside his head. See his thoughts. See if he felt it. If he believed it.

And then something quite magical happened. He began to sway in his seat. He did feel it.

Finished, I said, “For you to learn to play like this, you’ll practice until your fingertips feel like they’ll split open. Day and night. You won’t stop when you’re hungry. You won’t stop when you’re tired. You have to want it enough to give up your entire life for the music. You have to be able to coax beauty out of nothing. Do you understand me?”

He nodded his head. Quickly. I thought about the difficulties of teaching this boy. I wasn’t the instructor to get him started. But I would ensure he found someone.

I leaned forward until our faces were almost touching. “If you’re willing to go that far, then I’ll find someone to teach you.”

I stood and put my instrument away in its case. Then I opened the door, and walked past his parents, who had to scatter in front of the swinging door. I paused for just a moment and turned back toward them. “You’ll need to get him a decent instrument. That one isn’t going to work if he’s going to seriously learn. Call me on Thursday and I’ll find you an instructor.”

Without another word, I walked back up the hall to the stairs, back to my office.