Nobody Does It Better(31)
Vanessa: Good to know you include us worthy of shouting at, along with literary giants, while pushing a watermelon or two out of you. So . . . what’s official, then? You’re finally going to take a few weeks off and rest before you give birth, like you really should be doing, you naughty, naughty girl who keeps on working well past when she’s supposed to?
Arden: No. I’ve officially become a house. It happened today. I tried to bend over and practically fell to the floor. That means I’m a house.
Perri: I was thinking an apartment building. But all kidding aside, you really need to be careful, sweetie. We can’t have you toppling over.
Ella: Yes, because if you toppled over, I’m pretty sure we’d have to come roll you out of your home, right?
Vanessa: Oh, you are getting sassy, Ella.
Ella: Wasn’t that the requirement when you invited me into your group chat? Be as sassy as I can possibly be?
Vanessa: I have taught you so well. I’m so proud of you for trying to keep up.
Ella: I do more than keep up.
Arden: Hello, tangent AF. Doesn’t anyone feel sorry for me? I’m colonial-home-size, you’re going to be rolling me across the floor like a beached whale, and we’re discussing Ella’s banter skills. Is there no sympathy for my condition?
Perri: I’m sympathetic and yet practical. Do you have any idea how hard beached whales are to move? We need a plan. We might have to call the fire department.
Arden: Well, it’s one member of the fire department’s fault that I’m this size!
Ella: clears throat Excuse me, but I think you might have been involved in that decision too.
Arden: And I regret nothing, but I’m becoming the Queen Mary. This has to be Gabe’s fault for giving me twins.
Perri: Uh, to point out the obvious, your genes dictate twins, not his. Also, you have twins on your side of the family.
Arden: I know that, but it feels like he’s responsible for my gigantism! CAN SOMEONE JUST BE SYMPATHETIC, PLEASE?????
Vanessa: I’m trying, but I’m too excited every time I think about the fact that you’re going to pop out two babies. In fact, I’m going shopping right now for more baby gifts for you.
Perri: Pink baby gifts!!! I’ll join you!
Ella: Pink matching sets of stuff for a matching set of lovebugs. Identical twin girls are the coolest.
Arden: No one cares about the ballooning I’ve suffered. All you’re thinking about is buying stuff.
Perri: It’s simply because I can’t think of anything better than us getting to raise and indoctrinate two little identical Ardens.
Vanessa: It is indoctrination, right? That’s what we’ll be doing. And we are kind of going to be raising them. Sisterhood and all.
Perri: We’ll let the guys be involved a little bit, but we’ll teach the munchkins all of the important things ourselves.
Arden: Like how to be awesome?
Vanessa: Like how to be a good friend?
Perri: Like how to look out for your girlfriends?
Ella: Like how to respect your elders, learn from them, and then adopt their best traits?
Vanessa: pats head of little sister I’m so proud of you for being an excellent acolyte. Speaking of excellence, how is that man who was almost mine? snort, snort
Arden: As if. We all know Shaw was destined for Vanessa. Even if Perri had blinders on for, like, ever about that pairing.
Perri: Enough about my brother, aka Vanessa’s HUSBAND. I want to hear about Ella . . . our protege. Tell us about Mr. Sullivan.
Ella: grins wickedly enjoys my man makes plans to surprise him in new lingerie later
Arden: Yay! I’m glad it’s going so well.
Ella: Me too. I have Jamie’s stepmom to thank. That schemer. :)
Perri: Hello? My scheming husband played a big role.
Vanessa: I will never forget how Derek earned his wings as my cupid.
Ella: And I am eminently grateful to him as well. Especially since I think Jamie’s going to propose this weekend.
Vanessa: squeals!
Arden: squeals again!
Perri: squeals louder!
Vanessa: Why do you think it’s going to be this weekend?
Ella: Things he’s asked me, plans he’s making for us to go away, a certain delighted secrecy in his eyes.