Nico (Ruin & Revenge #1)(75)
Ben willed himself to look away from the exposed crescent of her perfect breast, the gentle slope, the lush swell of the forbidden fruit. He stared at the television, tried to focus on the screen and not the pulse of desire pounding through his veins.
“I’m not going to bite.” Kat laughed lightly. “You can come closer.”
“I’m good. Gonna take a shower and head off to bed.” He fisted the pillow, breathed through his mouth so he wouldn’t inhale the fresh, floral scent of her perfume. Something definitely wasn’t right here. Did she think she owed him for looking after her? Or was she looking for some comfort?
She let her shirt slide down her arms to reveal a lacy, pink bra.
“Whoa.” He held up his hands in a warding gesture. “I’ll just go in the other room if you’re wanting to change.”
“I don’t want to change.” She tugged the pillow from his lap and clasped his hand. “I want to have some fun. With you. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. What you see … this package … the girly clothes … it isn’t me. It’s what I did to survive. I want to find out who I really am with you.”
Ben’s stomach tightened and he gently released her hand. If he’d been another man in another place at another time he wouldn’t have turned her down. But she was a vulnerable, young woman who had just been through a traumatic experience. It wasn’t the right thing to do.
“Sweetheart. You’re a beautiful girl, but I gave Nico my word I’d keep you safe, and that includes keeping you safe from me. He’d have my head if he knew I touched you.”
She leaned across the couch; lay her head on his shoulder. “But he won’t know. No one will know. I’ve never been with anyone. I was always too afraid after what happened to Mia’s boyfriend, Danny. I’m free now. I want my first time to be with you.”
Jesus Christ. His pulse thundered in his veins, and his erection pressed painfully against his jeans. He had never felt temptation like this before. And it wasn’t because a beautiful half-naked virgin was begging him to be her first time; it was because he liked her. She was sweet and honest and genuine and kind. She was everything Ginger was not, everything he hoped little Daisy would grow up to be.
Daisy. His blood ran cold, putting out the fire that was raging in his veins.
“I can’t, Kat. I want to. I won’t lie to you about that. You’re like a fantasy come to life. An angel. But you need to find yourself a nice, normal guy who cares about you and who’s gonna look after you. And that’s not me.”
“Girls like me can’t be with normal guys.” She toyed with the button on his shirt. “I’m ruined, Ben. I’ve seen what the world is really like and it’s not all sunny days and happy smiles; it’s not all black and white. Good people do bad things and bad people do good things, and whether they are right or wrong depends on your point of view.”
“You’re wrong about that.” He covered her hand with his, gently drew it away. “There’s a line that you don’t cross no matter what.”
Kat laughed. “There is no line for us. It’s just infinite shades of gray.”
Ben pushed off the couch and grabbed his jacket. “Any man would want a beautiful, sweet girl like you. But what you’re offering me is something you want to keep for a special guy—someone who wants to get to know you first, who’ll treat you right, and appreciates all that you’ve got to give. You want to find someone who’s gonna protect you above all things. Someone who loves you. I promise you, there are guys like that out there.”
“Like Nico,” she said.
“Yeah.” Ben nodded, not unaware of the irony of holding a Mafia boss up to be the paragon of goodness. “Someone like him.”
“Or someone like you.” She pulled on her shirt, refastened the buttons.
“I’m not good, sweetheart.” The thoughts he was thinking right now were definitely not the thoughts of a good man, nor were the thoughts he had every time he walked into Ginger’s house and saw Gabe near his little girl.
She looked up and smiled. “Like I said. It depends on your point of view.”
TWENTY
Nico woke to the smell of burned bacon and the worst hangover of his life. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sat up, last night as much of a haze as the smoke that filled the room.
He leaped up, stumbled over the clothes and computer equipment strewn across the floor. Where the fuck was he? He blinked, clearing his vision, took in the riot grrrl posters, on the walls, the sea of silver chains and bracelets on the chipped white dresser, the black lace-up boots sitting on a dismantled hard drive. Ah yes. He had spent the night at Mia’s place.
Memories came back to him in a rush.
The wedding. The awkward hour at his hotel. The dive bar …
Fuck. The dive bar. He’d engaged in some X-rated activities he wasn’t sure if he wanted to rehash right now, or he’d have a fire to put out of another sort.
The earsplitting shriek of a fire alarm filled the room and he waded through the debris to the open-plan living space of the tiny apartment. “Mia!”
“Sorry.” She hurried toward him and pushed the button on the alarm, plunging the room into silence. “I wanted to make breakfast for you before I leave for work, but as you can see, I’m not much of a cook.”